Family telling you who to invite

renee.himes.osu

I was talking to FH's aunt about whether to invite a cousin's long-term GF to the shower (I didn't want her to feel excluded or pressured to come).  The aunt called me while I was at a conference and I think the background noise caused some confusion.  2 weeks later- her sister (mother of the cousin in question) wrote me an emailing insisting she gets invited to the wedding.

I quickly emailed her back and clarified she was a definite about the wedding- the shower invite was the mystery (I am in the camp who believes 18+ get their own invite and the option to bring a date- even if it is expensive- not my place to judge relationship statuses of my FH's 56 cousins).

I read the email again and became very upset- it was so rude and pushy.  She should have called me (or my FH) - the email was in poor taste.  [I get why she didn't talk to my FMIL- she suffered a major stroke and lost her ability to communicate easily] 

Has anyone else experienced pushy relatives or complete rudeness via email??  I really wished she picked up a phone instead of being mad for 2 weeks about incorrect information then emailing me like that!

Just curious.  Share your experiences...

PS: I am not hosting the shower- just in charge of the shower guest list for practical reasons

felicia220

Yes I have dealt with pushiness. It sucks, and a little overwhelming.  But I just want to point out that she was only this upset when she thought that her son's GF wasn't invited to the WEDDING! If your FI is close with his cousins, to not invite his first cousin's long time GF is rude.  This is what she thought, even though that wasn't the case.  I would not take offense to her email because the entire email revolves around a miscommunication.  I would still call her, even though you emailed her back, and tell her "sorry for the miscommunication, of course she is invited to the wedding, I just didn't know whether or not to invite her to the shower.  I didn't want her to feel slighted but at the same time I didn't want her to feel obligated to come."  I think if you have that conversation you will be pleasantly surprised with her response.  Good Luck

DKC1308

I received a facebook message from my dads ex's wife's niece... it had her address and said "I want an invite to your wedding. I've planned three weddings for myself so I know what to do, like the traditions and such."

Haven't seen this person in nearly two years when we bumped into each other at Target. Some might not think this is rude but I kind of felt it was. I would never send ANYONE a message telling them I wanted invited to their wedding. Seems very out of line.

felicia220

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-telling-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:53daf22b-7457-4a70-93b4-22cebb6ba317Post:f9ce0bf9-a4e9-41ce-8300-dace32b27274">Re: Family telling you who to invite</a>:
[QUOTE]I received a facebook message from my dads ex's wife's niece... it had her address and said "I want an invite to your wedding. I've planned three weddings for myself so I know what to do, like the traditions and such." Haven't seen this person in nearly two years when we bumped into each other at Target. Some might not think this is rude but I kind of felt it was. I would never send ANYONE a message telling them I wanted invited to their wedding. Seems very out of line.
Posted by DKC1308[/QUOTE]

<div>Totally out of line.  </div><div>
</div><div>I went to a wedding about 6 months ago and my FI and I met a couple who worked with the groom.  They lady asked me about our wedding and then gave me her name, number and address and told me she wanted to be invited to the wedding.  haha I really don't understand what goes through peoples minds sometimes.</div><div>
</div><div>Oh and this just adds another reason to my list of "Why I hate Facebook" Sorry facebook and I are not friends.</div>

jaimed99

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-telling-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:53daf22b-7457-4a70-93b4-22cebb6ba317Post:f9ce0bf9-a4e9-41ce-8300-dace32b27274">Re: Family telling you who to invite</a>:
[QUOTE]I received a facebook message from my dads ex's wife's niece... it had her address and said "I want an invite to your wedding. I've planned three weddings for myself so I know what to do, like the traditions and such." Haven't seen this person in nearly two years when we bumped into each other at Target. Some might not think this is rude but I kind of felt it was. I would never send ANYONE a message telling them I wanted invited to their wedding. Seems very out of line.
Posted by DKC1308[/QUOTE]

<div>I would have laughed my backside off at this...seriously...I don't even plan to invite my ex-stepsisters, mainly because we were never close (although my mother thinks of them as her "daughters", which sort of offends me, but that's another story)...how ridiculous for someone you're not even related to anymore to invite themselves to your wedding...</div><div>
</div><div><strong>"I want an invite to your wedding. I've planned three weddings for myself so I know what to do, like the traditions and such."</strong></div><div><strong>
</strong></div><div>While I am also planning my third wedding, I dare not claim that I know the "traditions"...and what tradition insists that you invite ex-stepmom's nieces?</div><div>
</div><div>Sorry...went off-post here...but I was amused...</div>

jeslyn97

YES!!  I gave my MOH the wedding guest list and I put suggestions on there of who she did not need to worry about inviting to the shower b/c they were distant relatives, friends of FI's parents, co-workers, etc...  I didn't want my MOH to feel obligated to have a big shower and a big expense, so we kept it small.  After my invites were sent out and my MOH sent out the shower invites, my mom & g-ma added more relatives to the guest list w/o my permission AND then complained b/c said relatives were not invited to the shower!!!  They were not officially invited to the wedding, so of course they were not invited to the shower!

branz7

I get you with the family pressure thing...

My parents have been divorced for like 13 years ever since my dad cheated, and I have no relationship with my father whatsoever (though I tried to for a couple of years after the divorce, but found it to be one-sided and exhausting to keep up with a lying, poor-me sort of person...plus he stopped paying child support---another story) and yet I have STILL been asked by at least three family members on his side why I won't invite him to the wedding. I mean, hello?  I feel like it should be a day full of the people in my life who have loved me and supported me in all things; not exactly my dad.

Furthermore, my grandparents are essentially refusing to come because I won't invite him there. 

And I get hypocritical support from all of them too, like "Oh it's your day, you need to do what's right for you"...but then they get offended when I say we're not having children at the wedding, or anything else that affects them personally.

At the end of the day, I try to focus on my FI, my dear friends, the family that DOESN'T cause grief, and the wonderful honeymoon vacay that follows all this wackadoo planning! 

caitm730

My mom's two sisters, who I'm very close to, started inviting people for themselves the second we got engaged. We didn't even have a guest list made up yet and they were asking us if so-and-so was invited or not.