Am I wrong?

Kattey

Sorry to pry, but is there a fee difference? We were going to get married in FI church he went to as a kid because it's closer and newer, however, they wanted $1,000 for a fee altogether. I don't have a big budget, so that was out of the question. We getting married at the church I attended youth group at because they don't have a fee, but rather will just accept whatever donation I can afford (around $300 - $400 max). Just thought I'd throw that out there for consideration. It might make a difference to him and yourself. I feel you have valid points though, beyond the sentimental, that he really needs to think about. Your church makes much more sense.

Festiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:d23e412c-6302-4b27-bad6-3fcdb1afcc92">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Carpet color shouldn't determine where you have your ceremony; that's just silly.  However, the closer proximity and the fact that you still attend your church are valid points.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I think her point was that not only does he not attend the church, but it isn't even attractive.  The two reasons you wed in a church is either 1) it's your church, you attend it OR 2) it's gorgouse.

amwilli5

My first thought on this was 'was he married in your church previously and won't tell you'  I highly doubt this is the case, but seriously you need to talk about it with him and make a decision you are both good with.  My cousin and her husband couldn't decide on who's church since they were both so active in their church's so they decided to get married and have the reception in the ballroom at the Hilton so neither of them would be hurt

yourlittlestars

I say aside from this post turning into a snarky argument about carpet, lol, that you should explain to your FI the reasons why you want to be married at your church. Maybe you can compromise and have his pastor involved, or allow him to decide what he wants to do for a different aspect of the ceremony. You seem to have a level head on your shoulders and I think if your FI loves you enough to marry you, that the church won't be the deal-breaker. Good luck!

kparre

I agree with everyone else that you need to sit down and talk it out with you FI, but marriage is compromise.  If you were to married at your chuch, what would be something you would be willing to give up or allow him to choose?  Just a thought.....A pro and con could be very helpful.  I know that is what my FI and I are doing. 

kparre

I find it strange that your FI wants to get married at a church he hasn't attended in 5 years.  On the other hand, it is his wedding too.  I agree with the pro/con list.  However, he may reconsider getting married at his church if there is something else in the wedding that he could make a decision on.  Marriage is about compromise.  For example:  I selected the ceremony site and my FI selected the reception site.  Just an idea......  Good luck!  I'm sure what every you two decide the day will be wonderful. 

kparre

Sorry!  I wasn't for sure if my first attempt was posted or not!

kindge_03

If it's only because the pastor at your FI's church, ask if he could do a blessing during the ceremony at your church? Most churches are completely cool with this - especially with mixed denominations/religions. Hopefully that'll satisfy his sentiments, and you still get the church you've envisioned getting married in.
Good luck!

clouds_girl07

Whoever said that carpet color shouldn't determine anything is fooling themselves.  If the carpet color doesn't work with the colors she picked out, that is something to consider.  I think that sometimes brides try so hard to be "not a bridezilla" (<--I hate that word btw) that they end up being fake and flippant.  Face it.  Yes, things like carpet color do matter to some people, and that is okay.  If you and your fiance (or at least someone in your family) are paying a crap ton of money for something, it is okay to be picky.   

[Deleted User]

I disagree. It's one thing to be picky about wedding decor, but forsaking your home church because it's ugly, is just shitty to me. IMO, if you're religious, then your relationship with your church / God should be more important than whether or not your flowers are going to clash with the carpet.

klynn86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:3406b4fb-4e84-4cde-9111-6ed2eb78d526">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree. It's one thing to be picky about wedding decor, but forsaking your home church because it's ugly, is just shitty to me. IMO, if you're religious, then your relationship with your church / God should be more important than whether or not your flowers are going to clash with the carpet.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

I agree with this totally.  I think if I was in her situation where I was an active member of my church and my FI was pushing his church when he has not gone (or shown an interest in going) in years, the colour would be the "icing" on top of everything else, you know? 

I think that's where the colour of the carpet really comes into play.  It's not really about the colour, but it might what's pushing the chruch disagreement over the edge for her.

clouds_girl07

But see, it's not her church.  It's her fiance's old church that he doesn't even attend anymore.  I guess I'm just the type of person who believes that your relationship with God isn't put in jeopordy over where you get married.  After all, the church itself is just a building.  It's the people and their actions that connect it to God 

[Deleted User]

I think you're talking about two different situations. Your initial post was not about OP's situation. It was about the general idea of selecting ceremony location based on your decor.

Your second post was specific to the OP's situation and I would still say that this "building" is obviously important to him because he is willing argue with his FI over it and for her to discount the location because it doesn't match her decor is shitty.

clouds_girl07

About the general ceremony location issue- I really don't see what is so horrible about picking the ceremony location based on one's decor.  It is not shitty, it's just wanting your wedding to look nice and that is what most people want.  If decorations and pretty ambiance wasn't important to people, this website wouldn't exist.  Period.

About OP's issue-  She is an active member in the church she wants to get married at.  Her fiance doesn't go to any church, much less the one he went to years ago.  I agree with the poster who said that the carpet issue is probably icing on the cake.  She's not being bratty, she just wants to get married at a place that means something to her.  Her location shouldn't be discounted just because her fiance is being combatative.   

[Deleted User]

I give up.

goheels05

Seriously?  I couldn't even tell you the color of the carpet in my church.  It probably was red, too.

Since you actually go to church, I think the wedding should be in your church.  I had this same fight with my last fiance.  It ended like this:  "Hey, dickweed, you don't even go to church, you haven't in years, you make fun of catholicism, and you make jokes about priests molesting you.  The hell if I'm getting married in your church when you don't even believe in it." 

I still don't know why we broke up. 

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:89b4e32f-3833-4d21-892c-9239bc668293">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Does the carpet match the drapes?
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]


It did until I went gray.  Dying pubes is hard. 

[Deleted User]

You could just rock the bald eagle. That way no one would ever know about the grey.

lcloffredo

My FI and I are getting married at my church and he gets to pick the reception site as long as I don't hate it. Comprimise, is the church or the reception site more important to you.

loving2011

The fact that his church is over 100 years old, makes me want to side with him (because I have a soft spot for history) BUT the fact that it is over an hour away is unpractical. 

The wedding should take place at your church. Your guests should attend the wedding at a location that is close, or as close as possible. If there is a choice between a church 30 minutes away or over an hour away, the choice is clear. Tell your fiance that you have made the final decision. Your church!

Festiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:5c74e40f-001c-4a4c-9c23-e2a159d2937b">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I wrong? : It did until I went gray.  Dying pubes is hard. 
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

heels05- you're my hero!

Festiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:833c4a13-2e15-479a-8971-b3814b6833a0">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're talking about two different situations. <strong>Your initial post was not about OP's situation. It was about the general idea of selecting ceremony location based on your decor.</strong> Your second post was specific to the OP's situation and I would still say that this "building" is obviously important to him because he is willing argue with his FI over it and for her to discount the location because it doesn't match her decor is shitty.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

NO IT WASN'T (yes shouting)
You are obviously here to pounce on and judge others and you seem ridiculous to anyone who can read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Deleted User]

Lame.

honeybee77

i'm traditional.  i say bride's choice in churches all the way.  and OP, i know it is silly and trivial, but i agree with you that carpet color can be a factor

KellyDZ1209

why did it all of sudden become all about her comment about the rug color? If she feels she doesn't like the color, so what, stop being mean to one another and calling people names.  If you aren't really on here to give advice and support each other and only intend to demean and insult, please by all means keep your comments to yourself.  Some of us actually want to help and get  support from each other and do not need negativity.  

[Deleted User]

Good grief.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE] No the churches are not the same denomination. His church is Baptist and mine is non-denominatinal. (I grew up going to a penecostal church).We hadn't considered the co-officiate... But when we tlak I will deff bring that option up. :-)
Posted by dreamzcometru13[/QUOTE]
Co-officiating is probably the way to go for you.  FWIW, my parents had a Catholic priest and protestant minister co-officiate their wedding.  The denominations don't need to be the same, both ministers just have to be open to the idea.

Festiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:91dafad8-2942-451a-8c78-00cd788dac7b">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Are they the same denomination? Can you compromise and have it at your church, but have FI's pastor officiate? Or co-officiate?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

What a wonderful compromise- if this could work, it would be incredible=)  It seems afterall that it may be your FI pastor he wants....and you your church...?

Good luck, and keep us posted!

dreamzcometru13

First, I must just say, I love this board, Simply because every one picks apart each statement and makes sure you exaime everything from every aspect and every point of view.


Fi and I did talk about his a little tonight. before he left for work (nightshifts at UPS). He says the main reason he wants to use his church is that its the only church hes ever known. We talked out the pros and cons of each church. We also thought about trying to find somewhere else entirely. A mid-way point. Hes still leaning toward his church but understands thast it may not be the BEST option.

And to clarify, The carpet color was just "the icing on the cake". In general the space doesn't fit what I have always pictured for my wedding. Its very, oh I can't think of the word,.... Stiff... Cerimonial.. Im not sure how to describe it. I just want something light and nuetral and simple elegance. FI's church is just too busy.





See.The picture isn't that great, it was taken from a balcony in the back of the room.... Its not an ugly place, its just not what I pictured being married in.

And finally, CEW!!! Please dont ever stop being you... You are so random and it cracks me up.. even if you are a totall SNARK...

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67f9eb09-b088-404c-9b53-1a1caafb16edPost:8bf96c7c-faeb-46f0-9fea-19030370993f">Re: Am I wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]And finally, CEW!!! Please dont ever stop being you... You are so random and it cracks me up.. even if you are a totall SNARK...
Posted by dreamzcometru13[/QUOTE]

Well that's a new one. Snark is now a noun. Is a snark like a narc? Or a shark? Something tells me Cew would be okay with the shark thing.

This whole thread makes me itchy.