Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest

[Deleted User]

About a month ago I attended a wedding for a family friend, I never expected the invite and they clearly invited too many people for their budget because the food consisted of ham and cheese sandwiches like it was a graduation party.  IMO they should have had a MUCH smaller guest list but whatever, everyone has different priorities.  We heard crazy stories about the wedding planning (that was done in 2 weeks) including aunts and uncles not getting an invite because the bride to be didn't know half of the grooms family yet, and my invite did not include a +1, even though they know I'm engaged.

Anyway, yesterday I received a card from them in the mail, open it and it's a typed-out postcard size note that includes a quote by Norah Ephron and "thank you for attending our big day with us, it meant so much to have you there.  Sincerely, Bride and Groom."

Since when did it become okay to type thank you cards and send them out en masse without personalization?

cheeseandrice

Hey. It's better than nothing.

We got the same kind of TY card a few weeks ago... from a wedding we attended last November. I judged.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:d4c3ad55-d5cc-43e1-81a5-9809d0a95a48">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey. It's better than nothing. We got the same kind of TY card a few weeks ago... from a wedding we attended last November. I judged.
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

<div>WHATTTTTT!!! I hate it, people don't write Thank You cards anymore, I stopped sending them out after Christmas (except to my parents and brother) because I NEVER got a single one back, should stop buying gifts while I'm at it....</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:d53c3a88-df63-4a06-b8b0-edbe16101a59">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister sends a thank you newsletter for her kids after their birthday and Christmas. It is addressed to everyone and<strong> lists every gift they got.</strong> I judge big time. my cousin got married last October and still no thank you card.
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

<div>OMG I have a feeling this thread is going to amaze and scare me!!!!</div>

andrea2473

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:d53c3a88-df63-4a06-b8b0-edbe16101a59">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister sends a <strong>thank you newsletter</strong> for her kids after their birthday and Christmas. <strong>It is addressed to everyone and lists every gift they got.</strong> I judge big time. my cousin got married last October and still no thank you card.
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

That's weird.  Besides the fact that it doesn't really mean much unless the kids are the ones sitting down and writing the notes.    It's not about getting a thank you, it's the appreciation by the recipient.   Getting a form letter from mom would make me super judgy too. 

achiduck

I have yet to get a thank you note from my brother's wedding. Not a single guest got one and they were given enough cash for the downpayment on their house (seriously, I'm not guessing, my Dad told me directly). I have since found out from my SM that they did write them but one of them was supposed to buy the stamps and forgot and they just decided not to send them. 

Loopyseven

I'd be judging that too.  I don't like the photo cards with a preprinted message if they don't add a personal note either.

AdeleDazeem

That's a quote from Nora Ephron?  It's the most generic sentence ever.

EDIT: Oh, nevermind.  I missed the word "and."  Regardless, a quote from Nora Ephron?  Weird.

brilibby4

Meh, printed thank you notes don't really bother me.  I really judge not sending thank you notes at all though.

cheeseandrice

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:7dda75c2-c8cf-401d-9644-4bc3b5046319">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Meh, printed thank you notes don't really bother me.  I really judge not sending thank you notes at all though.
Posted by brilibby4[/QUOTE]

<div>Printed cards don't bug me, but if they're a form thank-you with no personalization at all? not ok.</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:bd1c89c7-39d6-44e5-a752-77faef5e090c">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]That's a quote from Nora Ephron?  It's the most generic sentence ever. EDIT: Oh, nevermind.  I missed the word "and."  Regardless, a quote from Nora Ephron?  Weird.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>It's something like "when you meet the person you want to be with the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."</div><div>
</div><div>... *side eye*</div>

cheeseandrice

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:5322800c-cf21-4b71-bb8b-459ce2446e35">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest : It's something like "when you meet the person you want to be with the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." ... *side eye*
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

<div>aka the "When Harry Met Sally" quote :)</div>

kd.joseph

Yeah, it's odd and very impersonal, but at least you got one.

My niece had her baby shower some 6 years ago, no TY card. Then she got married, no TY card. Her sister had a baby shower, we had to fill in our address on the envelope, yes I made a comment like, do you want me to fill it out, stamp it and just take it home with me now?

Yes, I'm a smartass. But, hey at least we got a card from her! 

People are rude, and kids are not taught proper etiquette.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:3bf20fdc-626a-4e87-80a2-5d1feedb6b62">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest : And the thank you notes weren't sent?? Wow, just... I'm speechless.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
Yup.. and their wedding was in July 2011. Their guests bought them a house and they decided not to send the notes. But my SIL is just that kind of person -  ungrateful, rude and self-centered. 

lauralaur

We got one of those once, and it was late. The thing that really bothered me though, is that we had ordered a gift and shipped it to the couple, so I had no clue if they'd received the gift, I never asked.

Ali092011

I just got a thank you note from a close friend whose wedding was in JULY 2011. It was scribbled (like barely legible): "Thank you for coming to our wedding and for your generous gift. We appreciate your friendship."

The worst part? They couldn't have been bothered to send the thank you note in the mail. His mom dropped it on my counter at work (we work for the same company). I mean, really? You couldn't have asked for my address?

Can't let these things bother you, though. I feel like more people than not don't know the proper etiquette when it comes to this stuff, or they think it's outdated and stuffy. I'm not going to let it affect my friendship with him and his wife--I'm just simply never going to make the same mistake!

StefffiC

My SIL didn't send TY cards for her wedding or any of her baby showers (3 baby showers - one for each baby). Nor has she ever sent her family a TY card for any of the holiday gifts, birthday gifts, or anniversary gifts she's received over the years. It's brought up at every holiday after they leave. Heck, she doesn't even say TY when you give her a gift and you're standing in front of her. She always side eyes her gifts, unless they're cash.

She knows proper etiquette, since MIL made her write thank yous for all of her gifts growing up. It's just that she's a special flower who's too busy/too special/selfish biiitch to say thank you.

DH still wrote TY cards for gifts when we met. Now I write all of them for both of us. So, I know it was taught in his family.

dmiller9274

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:6bd5a0e8-3246-4341-9404-155de395ecbb">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]My SIL didn't send TY cards for her wedding or any of her baby showers (3 baby showers - one for each baby). Nor has she ever sent her family a TY card for any of the holiday gifts, birthday gifts, or anniversary gifts she's received over the years. It's brought up at every holiday after they leave. Heck, she doesn't even say TY when you give her a gift and you're standing in front of her. She always side eyes her gifts, unless they're cash. She knows proper etiquette, since MIL made her write thank yous for all of her gifts growing up. It's just that she's a special flower who's too busy/too special/selfish biiitch to say thank you. DH still wrote TY cards for gifts when we met. Now I write all of them for both of us. So, I know it was taught in his family.
Posted by StefffiC[/QUOTE]
maybe if you'd hit her with a snoot full of bear mace, she'd learn her lesson. 

pink34562000

I typed all of my thank you cards with customized messages because my handwriting is unreadable.

However, I received a lot of compliments because I put a lot of thought and my sense of humor into the thank you messages. (Some of my guests found the messages funny and are even keeping the notes.)

Typed thank you notes are fine as long as they are personalized. Generic messages should never be sent to guests whether they are typed or handwritten.

j-harvey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:5322800c-cf21-4b71-bb8b-459ce2446e35">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest : It's something like "when you meet the person you want to be with the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." ... *side eye*
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]
Might this be their explanation for not personalizing their TYs? They wanted to start the rest of their lives ASAP instead of writing TYs? After all, opening all of those gifts must have taken a lot of time.

dmiller9274

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:9241f53f-e6d7-43fc-b9c1-d36a51ef54da">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest : Might this be their explanation for not personalizing their TYs? <strong>They wanted to start the rest of their lives ASAP instead of writing TYs? After all, opening all of those gifts must have taken a lot of time.</strong>
Posted by j-harvey[/QUOTE]
Is this a joke?

AceTT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:a230240b-1441-4b51-aa87-07c52aa54d47">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]I typed all of my thank you cards with customized messages because my handwriting is unreadable. However, I received a lot of compliments because I put a lot of thought and my sense of humor into the thank you messages. (Some of my guests found the messages funny and are even keeping the notes.) <strong>Typed thank you notes are fine as long as they are personalized.</strong> Generic messages should never be sent to guests whether they are typed or handwritten.
Posted by pink34562000[/QUOTE]
Eh, I can be pretty traditional and I think typed TYs are not OK. True, you can personalize them but you can also copy and paste most of the same wording onto each one, thus taking 20 seconds for each one. Yes, it's better than no TY at all, but I'd still prefer a handwritten and personalized TY.

j-harvey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:be2ac0dd-6dc8-4438-928b-f2c592e12927">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest : Is this a joke?
Posted by dmiller9274[/QUOTE]
Yes, sarcasm, not an excuse. I firmly believe that if someone takes the time to get you a gift, the least you can do is personalize a TY. Cards pre-printed with "thanks for sharing our special day" strike me as the couple were trying to get credit for sending a TY but were less than appreciative.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:7049ae07-bf75-4880-90db-d522af88352c">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest : Yes, sarcasm, not an excuse. I firmly believe that if someone takes the time to get you a gift, the least you can do is personalize a TY. Cards pre-printed with "thanks for sharing our special day" strike me as <strong>the couple were trying to get credit for sending a TY but were less than appreciative.</strong>
Posted by j-harvey[/QUOTE]

Exactly!

JanoBean75

It doesn't help that the wedding stationery catalogs offer pre-printed thank you cards. Some even offer them free with certain orders.

GoofyAssChick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thank-you-cardim-a-judgy-wedding-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6fe41e19-2009-4fb0-a4ca-23965dcc881fPost:de64ae6b-8d02-451b-a36f-5040c08a09db">Re: Thank You Card/I'm a Judgy Wedding Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]I have yet to get a thank you note from my brother's wedding. Not a single guest got one and they were given enough cash for the downpayment on their house (seriously, I'm not guessing, my Dad told me directly). I have since found out from my SM that they did write them but one of them was supposed to buy the stamps and forgot and they just decided not to send them. 
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

The exact same thing happened to my brother!!  I am still livid that they allowed themselves to never send a thank-you card.  They received a lot of beautiful gifts and a great deal of money and never sent a single one.  I was also told about the lack of stamps.  They've now been married for almost 10 years.  And each time I go to write a thank-you note, I think about that. 

Hell, for that matter, one of my best friend's sister's had a baby 17 years ago, and I handmade the baby a quilt and never received a thank-you from her either. 

Tacky. 

katiemakespie

I went to a wedding recently in which the bride's wedding planner passed out envelopes at the guest book and had everyone write their own name and address on the envelope for Thank Yous. I received mine back a week ago and the bride and groom just signed their names at the end of the little "Thank you for your generosity" message printed on the inside. There was no other message or anything. At least it only took two weeks after the wedding to get it!