This is going to sound INCREDIBLY mean but....

futuremrsgates

My FI and I broke up for a while, and he lost a ton of weight - got an eight pack and looked amazing. Imagine my irritation when we get back together and he starts packing on the pounds. Most men eat when they're happy, but he has had lifelong body image issues and has struggled with eating disorders in the past, so the last thing I wanted was to drudge any of that up.

I've been very soft about it - praising him when he exercises, and constantly telling him he looks great in that shirt, "The running is really paying off, baby - you look amazing!" and I can tell it's slowly working! His belly doesn't hang over his pants anymore and his bicep tattoo actually curls around the side again.

It's all about positive reinforcement and just making better choices as a couple.

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_this-going-sound-incredibly-mean-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:86d3ed63-cdc3-4c02-8ab3-79945fa04d3aPost:eaf47fb2-a422-459c-a599-63a343c739f2">Re: This is going to sound INCREDIBLY mean but....</a>:
[QUOTE]I've definitely tried the "we" thing already and he just kind of gives me that look of "okay have fun with that" lol. And we live in seperate dorms as of right now so I can't really do much about the meals he eats (especially since we're both working two jobs and going to school full time). He always says that he never has time to work out and is always too tired. Which are legitimate reasons I suppose but I'm in the same boat he is AND i have several chronic health issues. I think most of it is just the fact that he isn't as motivated to be healthy as I am and simply doesn't care as much as I do about being healthy. I would NEVER make fun of him for his weight and I really am just concerned for his overall health. I'm in a bit of an awkward position though because he's incredibly sensitive about body issues (he was teased a lot as a kid for being overweight) and I've always been very underweight due to a thyroid condition. So I feel like tiny little me who has never struggled with weight issues saying something to him will go over ten times worse than in a normal circumstance. We talk about everything and are very open in our relationship but with this one I'm just so scared of hurting his feelings I'm not sure how to handle it :/
Posted by jlegga1[/QUOTE]

You did what you could as did I. You can't MAKE someone change if they don't want to. My H and I had a heart to heart about his weight several times .I didn't hurt his feelings b/c he knows I am right. He has had talks with me when he was concerned for my health as well. I knew he was right. You don't start the conversation with , 'Hey, I think you are fat and...

 I told him  about all the negative consequences of being overweight/obese and that I didn't want to lose him. He says he's going to try to eat healthy after the New Year and exercise. I really hope he does. That's the best I can do.

fullfrontalnerdity

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_this-going-sound-incredibly-mean-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:86d3ed63-cdc3-4c02-8ab3-79945fa04d3aPost:cff338c8-39f4-4d90-b580-d9604643422f">Re: This is going to sound INCREDIBLY mean but....</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I broke up for a while, and he lost a ton of weight - got an eight pack and looked amazing. <strong>Imagine my irritation when we get back together and he starts packing on the pounds.</strong> Most men eat when they're happy, but he has had lifelong body image issues and has struggled with eating disorders in the past, so the last thing I wanted was to drudge any of that up. I've been very soft about it - praising him when he exercises, and constantly telling him he looks great in that shirt, "The running is really paying off, baby - you look amazing!" and I can tell it's slowly working! His belly doesn't hang over his pants anymore and his bicep tattoo actually curls around the side again. It's all about positive reinforcement and just making better choices as a couple.
Posted by futuremrsgates[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What the hell? So you were <em>irritated</em> that your fiance basically relapsed on his eating disorder and lost his sexy 8-pack? Also, since he has "lifelong body image issues" and history of an eating disorder, WHY would you choose to reinforce the way he looks? His appearance is the last thing that should be used as a motivator if you want him to be healthy this time around.

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