seriously awkward situation!

ajhleiter

ok, so i'm in one of the most awkward situations ever!

one of my bms texted me this morning saying "question: who from our college graduating class was invited? i've had a couple inquiries and haven't known what to say..."

my fiance and i both recently graduated from a kind of close-knit university's theatre program, and our whole graduating class was pretty good friends, with a few exceptions.

i go on to ask her who these people were who were asking and she listed off three names- people who my fiance and i both don't really care to see again. they were the kind of friends who you really liked in college, but once you graduate you look back and say "why on earth was i friends with this person?" suffice it to say that when they came up while FI and i were playing the "who do we invite to the wedding" game they were very fast vetoes. plus, we can only fit 125 people MAX in our reception venue, and half that went to our families!

so my question is: what on earth do i say? do i tell her to tell them that asking for invites is tacky? do i have her direct their questions to me? do i have her tell them about the limited space thing? my save-the-dates are out, and i think they've gotten the hint that they aren't invited and maybe are just looking for reasons? i feel so uncomfortable and feel so bad for my poor bm who's caught in the middle of all this!! 

what do i do?!?!?

sophistryliz

If they ask again, tell her to tell them that it's not her wedding, and if they really need to know, ask you.  She shouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness of the situation. 

526SadieSadie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_seriously-awkward-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:936f525f-bef7-42e3-b06c-9b2b37afdcb3Post:3a572cd3-04b4-455d-890d-2a6b544b91ae">Re: seriously awkward situation!</a>:
[QUOTE]  She shouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness of the situation. 
Posted by sophistryliz[/QUOTE]

Agreed!!  It's awkward enough when you're asked about your own wedding, or when you get "I'd better be invited to that wedding!!!"  (UGH).  You don't owe anyone any kind of explanation other than to say you set a limit to the number of guests and some people had to be omitted, you don't need to get into "we decided we don't like this person and that person". 
Our best man's wife's mother (got that?) wanted to be invited to our wedding.  I'm not a big fan of the Best man's wife, let alone her mother.  Unfortunately, when it comes to weddings, lots of people are going to try to intrude. 

[Deleted User]

I don't know that I would classify this as seriously awkward. Especially if you don't see these people often. Yes, it's tacky for them to be asking for invites, but I can't say that it's totally abnormal for people to speculate amongst friends as to who is invited to a mutual friend's wedding.

I would just tell your BM to tell them that she doesn't know who is or who is not on your guest list and leave it at that.

AdeleDazeem

If they are asking your BM, then the answer is simple.  She just says "Oh, I'm not sure who from college was invited.  They have big families.  What is new with you?"

If they are asking you directly, then it sucks because the askers are being totally rude.  I'm one for honesty in that situation, personally.

ajhleiter

i guess the thing that's making me feel weird about it is that they're people i figured would just assume they were invited and feel left out when they figured out that they weren't invited.

i guess i saw this coming, but i never expected it to come from one of my bms!

526SadieSadie

There isn't a great way to go about telling someone who thinks they're a friend that they are in fact, not a friend or at least are not a close enough friend to warrant a wedding invite.  If you're confronted and you truly don't want to have any kind of friendship with those individuals, you could tell them that you decided against inviting them.  But, the theatre community is such that pissing someone off in that manner might close doors for you and your fiance, so keep that in mind if you're confronted.

eav2c

If they ask your BM again, just have her say something to the effect of "I'm not really quite sure" and change the subject. I really doubt these people would bring it up again and if they do--they have some nerve. You aren't obligated to inviting everyone who you were once close with... especially considering you are space limited. I've had several old college friends inquire about my wedding recently... I can't quite figure out if its just because they are curious or expecting an invite... In fact, almost all of the people who have inquired are people who FI & I both don't want to invite... Luckily, we have plenty of time to figure it out and let them forget about our wedding. When is your wedding? I know you said you sent STD's, but, it could still be far enough away that these people will get the hint and forget about it.

jennylove810

I would seriously not even concern myself with it.

When your wedding comes around, and there was no invite in their mailbox, they'll figure it out.  End of story.

sodell23

I just don't understand the lack of tact some people have!!!!  It really is amazing! 

I would just tell BM basically what the other girls have said...simply say "I'm not sure who is invited to her wedding!  How's life with you!"  And leave it at that. 

As my dad said, it wouldn't be a wedding if toes didn't get stepped on.  You don't owe anyone an explanation about who and who isn't on your guest list.  Period!  Sucks you have to go through that...and your BM too!