Groomzilla

MM8286

So I was under the impression that  most men would ask "where to be" and "what time" wwhen it came to wedding stuff... but not my man! I love the fact he wants to be involved since our marriage will be a partnership, but he has an opinion on everything.

I want a solid white cake, he wants some blue on it.
He doesn't want me to surpirse him with his groom's cake, he wants to design it.
I was the bridesmaids to wear a charcoal dress with blue accents, he wants the opposite!

Is anyone else dealing with a groomzilla?

rodeo417

I made a deal with my groomzilla... We agreed on the colors and we are allowed to express our opinions on the other's do-to list. I am leaving him with the tuxs and he leaves me to the bridemaids dresses. When i pick out there dresses, he is to match the color. He told me the flavor he wanted for a grooms cake and i will have it designed. Most men will never admitted but they also have dreams about the way their weddings would happen.... Just compromise on the ideals and go with the flow. You pick your ladies dresses and he matches it... Same with the cake...

megk8oz

Ok, first off, he doesn't get a say on the BM dresses. That is between you and the BMs. On that note, unless he asks for it, you don't get a say on the GMs tuxes. That is between him and the GMs.

The Groom's cake ... well, I'm not going to lie, I find them kinda pointless, but if you have one, I'm pretty sure the Groom gets to pick his own cake.

As far as all of the other things go, you're getting married therefore, you both need to learn to compromise.

FWIW, DH was involved in the planning, because we were paying for it ourselves, so a lot of decisions where made jointly. However, when it came to trivial things like the colors and attire, the responses from him where as follows:

"I'm a man, so no pink" (We joke that I picked a "'manly' shade of purple")

"Why would I care what the girls wear? They're dresses."

SteveandKris

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_groomzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a883f0d9-d70f-42a4-820b-39de67e46482Post:20247776-7897-45ee-a68c-b9ca517da487">Re: Groomzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]The Groom's cake ... well, I'm not going to lie, I find them kinda pointless, but if you have one, I'm pretty sure the Groom gets to pick his own cake. Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

A lot of groom's cakes are made as surprises.  Especially when its not a local tradition to even have one.  If he knows he's getting one, I agree with PPs and let him pick the flavor and you get to design it.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_groomzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a883f0d9-d70f-42a4-820b-39de67e46482Post:50f605f4-920c-4335-9258-571aae1c73a7">Re: Groomzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]How is him having an opinion being a groomzilla?  It's his wedding too so he should get a say.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

This.

He would be a groomzilla if he demanded you plan a 300 person wedding with all the bells & whistles when you wanted to elope. OP it sounds like you two are on the same page when it comes to the big things. Since the wedding is 50% his he gets to have as much say as you do. My only caveat is that the bridesmaids should be given room to tell you what they can afford and what their opinion is on the dresses they will wear.

kimheartsscott

Him wanting one thing and you wanting the opposite makes him a groomzilla but you're not a bridezilla?  It is called compromise.  My fiance is involved in everything, including picking the bridesmaid dresses.  It is his wedding too.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_groomzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a883f0d9-d70f-42a4-820b-39de67e46482Post:2717a4c1-ceeb-4050-9d2d-20569df69ccb">Re: Groomzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]Him wanting one thing and you wanting the opposite makes him a groomzilla but you're not a bridezilla?  It is called compromise.  My fiance is involved in everything, including picking the bridesmaid dresses.  It is his wedding too.
Posted by kimheartsscott[/QUOTE]

No offense, but unless you guys are paying for the dresses out of your own pocket, the groom <strong>really</strong> gets no say (Nor does he <strong>need</strong> a say) in what the BMs wear. Maybe on the overall color, just because he should like the color scheme of the wedding, but something as stupid as whether it's blue with a gray sash or gray with a blue sash is where he needs to step aside and remember he doesn't have a vagina. That is one of those things that really is what the bride and the BMs decide (You know, those girls who are actually spending the money on the dress)

[Deleted User]

It's his wedding too, he's allowed to have an opinion, and sharing his thoughts or wants doesn't make him a groomzilla. In fact, refusing to consider his point of view kind of makes you sound like a bridezilla.

Is it really so bad to let him help in the planning process?

FutureMrsJGraves

Let him design the groom's cake, but tell him that since he gets his own special cake how he wants, the main cake is yours to pick and choose. He can't have both cakes and eat them too!

As for the dresses, I would politely tell him that he doesnt have to wear them, and they are being worn by the people in your party. As long as you both decide on theme colors, you still should be able to match them up to the groomsmen no matter what he decides for them.

Its real cool that he wants to have his input in the wedding, and as long as its not pushing you over your budget, you should consider what he has to say, and try to work it out so you both get what you want and have a great time.

brittanycherie

You're the bride so you totally get most say! Yes, it's his day too but honestly- dont be bullied into something you dont want! My fiance and I picked things out together but if he wanted me to get BM dresses I absolutely hated I would have just chosen the ones I wanted! It's okay to compromise but remember you ARE the bride! =]

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_groomzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a883f0d9-d70f-42a4-820b-39de67e46482Post:75c353d4-64a1-4052-aa8d-4f4003f7a1ac">Re: Groomzilla</a>:
[QUOTE]I got lucky, my FH really only wants one thing for the wedding... It happens to be a elephant ride for an entrance. This is why you don't allow them to watch "Rich bride, poor bride"
Posted by FutureMrsJGraves[/QUOTE]
rofl

It is his day too, so, yes, he gets to voice his opinions, too
I say compromise.... You pick the wedding cake if he picks the grooms cake. Or vice versa... you can surprise him with a groom's cake and he can surprise you with the wedding cake.

But as for the bridesmaids dresses? Most men will veto certain shades pink and purple, as well as other colors... this is something you need to compromise on, since it might effect his groomsmens tuxes and linens and stuff like that. However, the decision is ultimately up to you and your bridesmaids as far as their dresses goes. he's not paying for them, so he just doesn't get a final say at all.

angel2210

My fiance put it to me like this: "I don't care much what you decide on as long as it isn't pink." He's been very laid back about the things I like and want so when he does pipe up with an opinion about something, you bet your knickers I HAPPILY take it into account.

abwkem2129

Girl, I hear you on this! My groom is far worse than this.. he should seriously be on an episode of Bridezillas. When we got engaged, I never understood why so many brides dont let their grooms help them. I have let my fiance be a part of everything (except my dress). At first, he was very helpful and his input was very constructive. Now, he is just getting on everyones nerves. The worst was today when we picked out tuxedos. I told him it was HIS side of the wedding party so he could choose whatever he wanted. That was a big mistake- he decided he wanted to change the wedding color.. which he cant do because everything is ordered in the color we chose. The wedding is 3 months away. He threw a fit because the woman helping us suggested that the color he wanted the tuxes to be did not match the bridesmaid dresses. He started getting an attitude with her and I decided to tell him to take a walk and cool off. While he did that, I ordered the tuxes with a compromise. I couldnt believe he acted like that, I felt like I was one of the grooms of the bridezillas you see on TV! He did apologize to the lady and to me when we got in the car, but still- it was a definite groomzilla moment!

splint00

I guess I have the opposite problem. Thank god for my "groomzilla,"  as his mom affectionately refers to him. Having him take care of the vast majority of wedding planning means less stress for me, plus because he works in the photo/fashion industry, he's got fantastic taste. He could probably have a second job as a wedding planner. The only detail he didn't really plan was my dress. He knows that's top secret. I hate planning and organizing in general so I couldn't ask for a better scenario. All I have to do is say yes when he comes up with ideas.