Bar at Reception

Tiffany618 · August 2009

I'm contemplating our budget, and FI and I totally disagree about how to handle alcohol at the reception.I say either open bar (even if its beer and wine only) or no bar. He adamantely stands that he would rather have a cash bar than no bar, which is tacky IMO. SO we discussed some compromises... if you guys have any opinions, suggestions, or feedback I'd really appreciate it.1. Open Bar for a set time (like first 2 hours), then switch to cash.2. Set a limit we will pay for and cut it off whenever it runs out and switch to cash (only problem here is some will abuse this and others might be out of luck)3. Similar to option 2, but allow everyone 2 or 3 "drink tickets" and then guests who aren't drinking can share with those who are...and cash after that. (is that tacky?)

shananagins · August 2009

Don't do drink tickets. It makes your wedding feel like a carnival. Of the options listed I would say 1,What about hosting beer and wine and doing cash bar for booze? You could also do a signature drink instead of a full open bar. I agree with you on open bar or no bar,

juliebug1997 · August 2009

While I can't drink wine and don't drink beer, I would not be offended by limiting the bar. What about a signature drink or two?

emimayor · August 2009

This is tough. I am with you on the no bar over the cash bar. Bottom line, cash bars are very tacky. I'd say number 2 if you have to compromise. Keep in mind some people will leave when the booze runs out, especially if the they got it for free and then suddenly they have to pay. I'd fight tooth and nail to have an open bar/beer and wine only.

Terriniski · August 2009

I'm not necessarily seeing one of those as the over-all best option, but here are some of my initial thoughts:#3 sounds like the easiest in terms of making the bar situation known to your guests, but it might also be logistically difficult to hand out tickets.#1 seems like a doable option - it's fairly standard for various events (haven't been to enough weddings to judge how it works in that setting).#2 could end up being an open bar, if you have some control over what gets stocked. Maybe make sure that whatever is available at the bar would fit within your budget (assuming a reasonable amount of drinks per person). But this will probably depend on your venue as well as your budget.

Mariah&Steven · August 2009

We had the same problem you did. We set a limit of $1000 for beer, wine and champagne (but the champagne was just for the toasts). Once we were closing in our limit, we were informed and asked if we wanted to keep the booze flowing or cut it off when it hit $1000. By that time it was like 10:00 or so. We said just to turn it into a cash bar when it hit $1000..by that time many of the guests had left and we had to shut down at 11:00 anyway, so I had no problems with it.Don't do drink tickets.

Tiffany618 · August 2009

Yeah, I'm thinking all the same things as you guys are... I think personally I agree with most of you to just set the limit for open bar for beer and wine. I would think that would keep the running total low. We actually get the champagne toast included in our catering package.A few somewhwat inexpensive cocktails isn't a bad idea either, I hadn't thought of that!

appletango85 · August 2009

Good thing it's Friday bc I'll probably get flamed for this but...We are doing a cash bar. We are bringing in our own alcohol so we can set the price and we are making it 1 or 2 bucks a drink no matter what..beer, wine, punch with a free champagne toast. The weddings for friends I have been to have all been cash bar so in my circle it's fairly normal. None of david's friends have married so they won't know the difference. My dad's side are all heavy drinkers so they are used to buying beer LOL My mom's side I am close enough to all of them to just deal IF they even complain which I doubt they will.If it were in our budget to have an open bar we would but it's not and I want beer/wine there and I added a signature drink. We are only doing it break even. I think we are giving the Bridal Party and the parents hosting it free drinks though you know...since they paid for it LOLYou know your guests so think about them when making a decision. We thought about the ticket idea but it seems more tacky than having a cash bar.

Tiffany618 · August 2009

Oh I don't judge Apple! As a guest, I'd rather have alcohol present even if it isn't free!I actually think all our friends would be totally fine with a cash bar.... its the old school adults that would probably not say anything at the reception, but would be gossiping about it for years... Lame, I know.

Tiffany618 · August 2009

Plus, my guest list is almost the same as my college graduation party was....and my parents hosted an open bar there. Kind of will be expected probably... blah.

untsing · August 2009

We bought a set amount of beer and wine, and enough champagne for everyone to have a glass during the toasts. After that (and any cocktails) it became cash. We actually didn't run out of wine til the VERY end of the night, and we had tons of beer leftover. That was the best for our budget, and nobody complained.

Mariah&Steven · August 2009

As a person who NEVER carries cash, especially to a wedding, I'd be pretty pissed/disappointed if I went to a wedding that was cash bar. Just sayin'.

emimayor · August 2009

I'm with Mariah on this. Cash bars are very tacky, IMO. For me it is THE tackiest, but I also understand that I might be in the minority here. You're inviting people to a party, to celebrate in your big day. Everyone understand that it is about the bride and groom, but at the end of the day it is a party. You don't charge people for food/drinks at a party YOU invited them to. It isn't right and is very tacky.

Mariah&Steven · August 2009

You don't charge people for food/drinks at a party YOU invited them to.Perfectly said.

kris928 · August 2009

We're in the same situation you are...we're not wine drinkers and no one in our family is either, so we want to do beer and margaritas but the quote I got for open bar is ridiculous, so we're not sure what we're gonna do. Of all the weddings I've been to, only one had open bar. No one seemed to mind the cash bars at the other weddings because there was a long line at the bar all night.

emimayor · August 2009

Sidenote: Mariah - I really like how your little runner girl on your ticker has really dark hair and skin. Also, her head is not porportioned with the rest of her body. IDK, it just makes me laugh.

Mariah&Steven · August 2009

Emi, I noticed that today, too.

Jay&Marissa · August 2009

Ugh--that sucks. So many venues will try and kill you with the alcohol prices, which is why went with a place that allows us to bring our own.I'm assuming that isn't an option for you, though. So I say do Beer & Wine for as long as possible. Have you thought about closing the bar during dinner? I know it isn't done often down here, but at all the weddings I went to in Chicago (lots of big crazy Italian & Greek weddings up there) they closed the bar during dinner and 1 hour before the reception ended. No one complained.

Donnaaries · August 2009

Unless your guests are heavy drinkers, most people will fare better on a consumption basis bar rather than open bar. I'm glad we're using a venue where we can BYO our alcohol so we're able to have beer, wine, and signature drinks. I'm with Emi here, I'm not a big fan of the cash bar. It's a party you're hosting, you don't charge people for a food/drinks when they come over to your house for a dinner party, right? In the big picture, the alcohol is such a small percentage of your total cost, is there really no where else you could cut stuff? Even cut the guest list a little to save on food? Cut out some decor elements?

Terriniski · August 2009

I don't have a problem with cash bars, but if there's any chance of it being a cash bar (i.e., if you set a limit and expect that to run out within the first half of the reception), I would just pass the word along to family and friends to bring some cash (or a flask). I don't mind paying to drink, but I'd be upset if I didn't have cash on me and wanted to drink. Like Mariah, I rarely carry cash.

appletango85 · August 2009

Our guest list is pretty bare minimum at this point. 95%(wanted 150 but as it stands we are at 170ish) is family..yes immediate family meaning aunts uncles cousins grandparents. Half of *my* friends I invited are in my bridal party and all of David's friends he wanted to invite are in his bridal party. We are still about 20 people over what we wanted so I am actually hoping for some No's LOL. We aren't allowing kids or plus ones unless they have been in a serious relationship for over a year/married. The parents are buying the alcohol so the final decision is theirs anyways.All the parties I throw is BYOB so I have never provided food or alcohol at my parties(granted they were at my house) just soda and some chips. And I also understand where all of you are coming from. I really do. I was fine with just doing finger sandwiches too(we have an 8pm wedding) but FMIL wanted to pay for a real dinner so I said ok if that's what you really want to do.We also have a friend doing the bartending so we can always switch to open bar if the parentals decided to.

Donnaaries · August 2009

apple, I do think your situation is unique because it seems like you don't actually have control over certain aspects of your budget like you stated. Plus if it's the norm in your social circle, then it's no big deal.For us an open bar was a big priority for various reasons. I think in my social circle, it's even more acceptable to do open bar with heavy hor d'ouerves than cash bar and full dinner. But only you know your guests best.

fallbride1109 · August 2009

All the PP have already hashed it out best but I just wanted to add to be sure and check with your venue. Signature cocktails at my venue were only provided if we got a bar that included liquor. Otherwise, we would have been charged per cocktail.I can understand your FI's point of view since the bar is very important to guys it seems. If you haven't decided on your venue yet, then maybe consider one that gives you the option to BYOB.

appletango85 · August 2009

Oh and the food we are getting at a really good deal from a friend at no more than $10/pp, more than likely less. We don't have a lot of extra's really...we are doing a candy bar but FMIL is insisting on that as well because she loves it and I don't mind having it. I am counting that as favors. We don't have floral centerpieces, not doing chair covers, etc etc. Everything we are doing is pretty basic and we either got a deal on it or got the cheaper option. Invitations were DIY, am doing the programs myself, don't have an aisle runner or pew decorations. It has really just come down to life happening where we don't have the money we thought we would have to spend on this shindig...my parents have no money because they own their own business in the real estate department(had about 10 foreclosures on homes they built that didn't sell and are trying to file bankruptcy but can't because of the rentals they own which aren't selling either), FMIL had to have surgery for her skin cancer this year and insurance didn't pay as much as they originally said they would, and my dad to pay for a funeral. Everyone is strapped for cash and we are doing the best we can. I myself am still dealing with health issues which is where *all* my extra money is going to pay for chiropracter visits plus therapy 2-3 times a week.It may be bad etiquette but I would rather have a cash bar than no bar at any wedding I attend like a PP mentioned. Even if I don't have cash on me. Like we always say, we can't please everyone. Some people will be upset it's a cash bar instead of an open bar and some people will be upset if there's no bar instead of at least a cash bar lol

emimayor · August 2009

You're absolutely right. You can't please everyone.

kris928 · August 2009

It may be bad etiquette but I would rather have a cash bar than no bar at any wedding I attend like a PP mentionedDitto. Plus, I would hate to cut people from the guest list just so that we could provide free drinks. I think most people would rather pay for their own drinks than not be invited. JMO.

BalletBride620 · August 2009

I didn't read many pp's, but the last wedding I went to had free margaritas and free daiquiris and everything else was cash. I suppose it's not everyone else's opinion but I was fine with that.

Tiffany618 · August 2009

Wow lots of posts since I've been at lunch! I didn't mean to start a controversy!

Mariah&Steven · August 2009

Tiffany, it's not controversy. If you wanted to start "controversy" you should have posted this on P&E and seen what kind of crap people would have posted there. Cash Bars are just a hot topic that many people have opinions on.