Engagement Party Dilemma

LaurenGrace12

Hi everyone! We're having an engagement party this summer and my FI's mom is paying/planning for it. However, she wants to invite people to the engagement party that are not invited to the wedding. I told her that it's bad etiquette, but she insists its okay. I think the main point of the party is to introduce me to friends of his family that I have not met yet. I would invite them to the wedding, but we are capping our guest list at 100 mostly for financial reasons. I suggested to perhaps call it something different, not an "engagement party", but then I feel weird about asking my family and friends to drive 2 hours to his hometown for just a get together. In addition, I already went through planning it on a date that my MOH is free this summer. She works on the weekends ALOT in the summer, so I would feel bad blocking one of her only free weekends for a while longer until we get this sorted out. Any thoughts/solutions to this problem?

shannie11

Does your FI's mom plan on giving you any money toward the wedding?  If yes then the money should go towards her guests as well even if you are capping it at 100.  If not then just let her have the party since she is throwing it.  She prob just wants to include them somehow.  As for your maid of honor, maybe ask her ahead of time if she would even want to come.  If she did then schedule it for one of her days off but if she doesn't then just tell everyone else " Oh she wanted to come but she had to work today..."

LaurenGrace12

She is contributing to the wedding and has already given me a list of people that I should invite. We're actually at 82 guests currently so we have room for more. When I asked her if there was anyone else to invite to the wedding, she said no. So the guest list for the engagement party, as I understand it, consists of people that will not make it to the final wedding guest list anyway. My MOH definitely wants to come. And I wouldn't want to leave her out of the engagement party. 

n82ureluvr915

I wouldn't worry about it. If your FMIL wants to invite 200 people to an engagement party then let her. This is an envent that doesn't "require" a gift so people shouldn't be offended if they are not invited to the wedding. On another note, I would invite 150-175 guests to the wedding. Not everyone invited will come, even if they say they are. So much will happen between now and your wedding day.

Plaurat

Is it really that many people that say no? Do couples normally overshoot by that much?

n82ureluvr915

Only you know who really will and will not show up. For example, if Uncle Bill and Aunt Linda are both in their 80's and live two hours away it is safe to assume they will not show- but you will still send them an invitation. I have always been told 20-30% of those invited will not attend.

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_engagement-party-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:30cb5ec2-99e0-4b66-9c2d-7c4b4b5de87fPost:dd877f8b-f024-44f3-ae6c-8305f8c8bb62">Re: Engagement Party Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't worry about it. If your FMIL wants to invite 200 people to an engagement party then let her. This is an envent that doesn't "require" a gift so people shouldn't be offended if they are not invited to the wedding. On another note, I would invite 150-175 guests to the wedding. Not everyone invited will come, even if they say they are. So much will happen between now and your wedding day.
Posted by princessannie12[/QUOTE]

This is wrong thinking. You should only invite the amount of people you can afford/fits your venue. Just because my venue fits 480 people, that doesn't make me think I should invite all 480 people because not all of them would show up. You never know. There is a chance that only 3 people will decline/not show up and then you are freaking out because OMG I cannot afford it.

n82ureluvr915

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_engagement-party-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:30cb5ec2-99e0-4b66-9c2d-7c4b4b5de87fPost:85624fea-fb0f-4205-b308-9ea03092854d">Re: Engagement Party Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party Dilemma : This is wrong thinking. You should only invite the amount of people you can afford/fits your venue. Just because my venue fits 480 people, that doesn't make me think I should invite all 480 people because not all of them would show up. You never know. There is a chance that only 3 people will decline/not show up and then you are freaking out because OMG I cannot afford it.
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

I never said anything about inviting the max number of people your venue holds. She said they were capping the guest list at 100. I said that 20-30% of those invited will not come. If she wants less than 100 then just invite 100. If she has an A list and a B list she can include some off the B list in the first round of invites.

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_engagement-party-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:30cb5ec2-99e0-4b66-9c2d-7c4b4b5de87fPost:11272e86-0faa-45b6-bae7-0781dfc32dfb">Re: Engagement Party Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party Dilemma : I never said anything about inviting the max number of people your venue holds. She said they were capping the guest list at 100. I said that 20-30% of those invited will not come. If she wants less than 100 then just invite 100. If she has an A list and a B list she can include some off the B list in the first round of invites.
Posted by princessannie12[/QUOTE]

Post this in E and see what response you get.

LaurenGrace12

Thanks for the advice everyone! I found it all really helpful. We decided to go ahead with the engagement party. I feel really relieved that we sorted it out. Now I can't wait.

Stina51286

Thats good!

WI is not that big on engagement parties. Well at least by me they aren't. I only went to one and never heard of them before that.

lconoran

Since it is your FMIL that is hosting the party, she has the last say (unless you declined the party which I'm sure you don't want to by the sounds of it). I do think though, inviting people to an engagement party leads them to believe that they will be invited to the wedding. Wedding talk will be going on. You know the date (or at least Oct. 2013, hence the board ) so others will know too. Even if you've never met these people, it is obvious to think that if they're celebrating your engagement, they will soon be celebrating your wedding, with you! I would be hurt if I wasn't invited to the wedding after an engagement party. I'd be like "man, what did I do wrong in the past year?" Lol

But to Stina's point- engagement parties are not very big in my circle of friends at all. I've only been to 1 myself. I also say invite who you can afford/comfrotably host/want there. No A's and B's.

cosmogirlWed144626

Expecting a 20 to 30% decline rate is a recipe for disaster.