October 2013 Weddings

Engagement Party, Engagement photo shoot.... FI doesnt want it now

Both my FI and my parents are looking at me crazy when I said we had to have our engagement photo session soon and he just looked at me funny becouse he thought they only reason you do them is to be put in the newspaper. When I explained it for us he just looked at me and cocked an eyebrow. "I would rather spend money on something more importent for the wedding."

He then proceeded to down play having an engagement party, that he asked for originally, saying his friends wolnt come so why have one.

He then also throws me a curve ball that his family said we cant have it one weekend becouse a 2nd cuz of his is already having an event one weekend though he cant remeber which weekend.  

Everyone is playing it off that we have a year and 4 months to plan but no one is helping with anything except telling me "these people wolnt show up, FI wants me to cut the budget back, no one wants to set a budget, no one wants to go with me to look at venues"     Dad is just worried about who is marrying us and who is supervising the kitchen to make sure the food is kosher, and that i have an orthedox like wedding even though my FI and I agreed on a conservative wedding "

anyone else feel behind an 8 ball 

Re: Engagement Party, Engagement photo shoot.... FI doesnt want it now

  • Stina51286Stina51286 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited June 2012
    An engagement party is not necessary and is only hosted by someone other than the newly engaged couple. If no one wants to host one for you, then you don't have one. The only person that is really required to help you plan the wedding is your FI since its the two of you getting married.

    If someone offers to help, take the offer. Don't ask your parents to help pay for it either, its up to them as to whether or not they want to help.

    P.S. What does "wolnt" mean? You typed it that way twice.

     

  • Ditto Stina! And I'll add that engagement photos are not necessary, although nice. We plan to do them in the fall, hoping to get some outside shots with the trees/scenery similar to how it will be when we get married. It's definitely not something you HAVE to do soon, if ever. Talk budget with your fiance. As Stina said, he is the only one required to help, and the two of you are the only ones required to pay!

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  • n82ureluvr915n82ureluvr915 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited June 2012
    She means won't or will not. You have a ton of time to do everything. Take your time researching venues online and when you have narrowed it down to a few ask your fiance if he wants to go. If not, ask a friend or go alone. Before you sign the contract on the one you like ask that your fiance go look at it with you. If he likes it, sign away.

    I wouldn't stress too much about the e-pics right now. If you want fall pictures wait till October/November to do them and if you want spring pics wait till April/May of next year. I didn't know people still put them in the newspaper! I know most couples use them around their home, make a guest book outta them or use them to decorate their reception. Most photographers offer them as part of a package.

    The PP is right about the engagement party. If nobody wants to host one for you then you just won't have one. I would ask my parents if they are going to be able to contribute financially to the wedding. If they are then they have some say in the planning. If not then the only opinion that matters is yours and your fiance.
  • My mom actually sat down with me yesterday at dinner and we talking through everything  start to finish the whole vision and the calendar of what needs to be done. She wants us to go look at venues and come back to her with what we decided.
     She is going to get the family list together in July when she goes to her dad's house for his birthday.
    She is going to come shopping with me in July  for dresses. I told her that I wanted to pick up the tab for my dress and accessories for 2 reasons 1) because it allows me to pick what I want 2) So that it something they don't have to worry about.

    We are a relatively young couple 25 & 28. I don't think it was ever a question of them  paying for the wedding, portion of the wedding ( I'm their only girl ) and I don't want to push any of it with family or Jordan's family.

    My mom thinks it is important, and I agree, that the less my dad knows the better for everyone  else's sanity. I have had to tell him more then a few times that it is not his wedding. He is so focused on the Jewish components ( which are important) that he misses the larger picture.

    He still thinks prices are the same from the 1980's and was shocked when I told him a venue that included the tables , chairs, linens ( for ceremony and reception) was going to be 5k he couldn't believe it .

    I am really trying to be reasonable  with other aspects like cutting costs by having a Sunday ( we are jewish so a saturday would not work anyway)  mid morning or late morning ceremony, lunch/ afternoon reception that cuts back on the cost of food and drinks. I want to find a venue that is beautiful so that you don't have to do much decorating for the ceremony and same facility for reception to cut cost on transportation and  headaches

    I can't force anyone to open thier check books  and what ever they can give is fantastic .
  • It was hard for me to shop for or consider venues until I had a complete guest list from both sides of our family. Realistically, the reception food/drink buget is the largest expense, so we couldn't even develop a realistic budget until we knew how many people we expected to attend. Without knowing this number you can't really determine if a venue will suit your needs or not.

    As far as the engagment party. I agree with everyone else. Two of my close girlfriends ran with this idea on their own, picked the venue, planned and paid for everything. The only thing you need to consider is the guest list. Try not to invite anyone to your engagement party that you don't intend to invite to the wedding. We are having a 150 person max wedding & one of my friends invited some of our coworkers that although we are cool, I did not intend to invite them to the wedding, primarily for space & budget limitations. Now I am in a pickle over that because I have other people that I am closer to, that I would prefer to invite.

    One final thing. I personally wanted to make it clear that I was not after gifts, so I made my hostesses state " No gifts please, your presence is our present." on the invites. Still,  some people brought bottles of wine, photo frames,  and we got a couple of books about marriage, etc. Just some nice token gifts that were very appreciated. But I personally just didn't want my friends to feel obligated or avoid the party because they couldn't bring a gift. Many of these same people will be coming to my shower and of course the wedding.
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  • I'm going to be the Bad Banana and disagree with everyone else regarding the engagement party. If you want to have an engagement party, then throw one yourself. I'm throwing one for my friends and family--it is how my fiance and I are announcing our engagement. We will be providing the food/entertainment & gifts are not expected or wanted. We are also having our engagement photos done at the venue, before the party. And yes, there will be people there that will not be invited to the wedding *(cue throwing of rotten tomatoes*). That is another reason why we are having the party. Thing is, this is OUR wedding, and if we want to throw a party, we damn will do so.

    This isn't to be confused with a Bridal Shower, however. That should be thrown by someone else.

    Wedding planning is pretty much a dress rehearsal for marriage. If your fiance isn't willing to help out or listen to your ideas...well, good luck. It also means compromising on YOUR end too. Your engagement photos might have to be ones taken by friends/family. You need to work together to have a wedding experience that you both want.
  • we went looking for venues that could hold 200. right now it looks like it will probally be 130 people . My parents have given me the family list which was about 85 people. Jordan's parents are dragging thier feet ( just being passive aggreive about the whole wedding driving both of us nuts) 

    If this is the dress rehersal for marrige then that is ok I know that my man might not get on it at the second I ask but he gets to it in a timely manner. He does most of his work at work and sends me links or comes home with suggestions. We talk, we work togeather beutifully actually. He found a venue he like and had what I was looking for and we decided it was our venue. He is a great withthe food so I asked him to handle the food and he been working with the cater ever since he got the bill down 4,000 and the food cost down to 40 a person 
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