Pre-marital Counseling (Vent)

Ro041

My vent is not about the counseling.

My vent is about certain friends who become aware of the counseling.  The sessions are on Saturdays, so when friends ask what we are doing on one of those weekends, I let them know that is something that we have scheduled.  I have gotten a few of these responses:

"Ugh.  How annoying."  

"Is that something they are making you do?  How awkward."

"I would never do that."

"I knew Catholics did that, but I never thought anyone else did.  How weird."

My vent is for anyone who thinks that it is ok to respond that our priest, who wants to get to know us before we marry in the church, is weird for wanting that.  Or that it is somehow a burden on us to do it.  We enjoy going there because we get to discuss our relationship and what we want out of our marriage.  It's a good thing to do!

libby18bell

You tell em sista!

hardlyhannah

That is ridiculous. I don't understand why people automatically equate 'counseling' with bad things!

09McSteph03

I am really sorry you are experiencing that from friends.  I think it's selfless to want to arm yourself with tools and resources to weather any storm.  Things come up in life and then you have a marriage too that all has to work healthily together.  We chose not to broadcast our counseling so that we can avoid the situation you are in.  We have many people in our lives that have been married and divorced, some more than once that have many opinions on marriage (most of them are not healthy opinions).  So we thought it was the right thing given the very passive attitute that surrounds the idea of marriage these days.  Sorry for the long wind but I enjoy hearing that others are doing it.  I think it shows a very vested interest in your marraige and as annoying as they sound while judging, let them judge.  Your class is between you, FI and your priest and ultimately is contributing to an importantion foundation.  

Ro041

Thanks McSteph.  Your post was very nice!  

[Deleted User]

I've experienced this as well. My FH & I have been armed with a work book, and will sit down with someone at church closer to the day of our wedding. Normally we'd meet with him a couple of times over a few weeks, but thanks to the pesky "I don't live in that state" issue they'e been extremely flexible. 

Good for you, though, for sticking up for it. As my FFIL has said, "You didn't learn to tie your shoes in one go, did you? It takes practice and patience, and someone to help guide you."

ironmom5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:c08ae878-7a71-4891-af17-6fb705c330faPost:0277d7ca-6746-4701-b852-5042869b5655">Re: Pre-marital Counseling (Vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]That is ridiculous. I don't understand why people automatically equate 'counseling' with bad things!
Posted by hardlyhannah[/QUOTE]

Exactly this.  You all go to a doctor for a checkup, or at least a pap smear once a year.  It doesn't mean you have cancer, it means you're trying to stay healthy.  If it's so widely accepted for physical health, why should it be taboo for mental health.

rebeccalayne

My FI and I went through pre-marital counseling. It was the best decision! It helped build our relationship and prepare us for marriage. We all know that there are going to be things that we disagree about and times when we might butt heads because of our differences and I think that pre-marital counseling helps you prepare for that so that when the problem arises you know exactly how to handle it and talk through it rather than just always fighting with each other about the same thing. There is nothing bad about wanting to get pre-marital counseling. Don't let other people get you down or make you feel bad about it, its great that you are doing it!