WWYD??

SCbrideinTX

So the other week FI told me that his BM had asked to ride back with us after the wedding, so that we could drop him off in Oklahoma City (he had to go there to work or something).Well I kind of ignored the idea until FI brought it up again last night.I'm kind of conflicted about this... I don't want to be the bridezilla who won't help out FIs best friend, but I feel like it was rude for him to even ask. It will be our first day as a married couple, and I really don't want to be crammed in my car with FI, FIs BM our dog and all of our stuff for 15 hours : /

KellyLovesJames

I can see how in a certain way that would bother me too... but in the big picture... it's not a big deal.  I guess because maybe I get along super great will all of my FI friends.I'd allow it.  It could be an interesting... memorable trip! 

SCbrideinTX

Exactly - I know that it we have our whole lives together, so it shouldn't be a big deal, but yet it still kind of bothers me... I guess I'll probably just sleep most of the time anyway.

appletango85

Does he really not have ANY other way to get there? It would bother me too and I would help him find another way to get there so I could have that time with FI. But I am selfish like that haha. I know I would be on a high with the wedding just happening and having to share him so soon after would really bug me and put me in a pissy mood even though I know it doesn't really matter in the big picture. But that's just me and my silly personality. If it won't bother you too much and you can get over it quickly then do it...if it's going to bother you to the point where you'll have an attitude...it wouldn't be worth it to me and it wouldn't be worth it to David either lol

SCbrideinTX

Yea, although logically I know it wouldn't be a big deal, the emotional part of me worries that I'll be annoyed the whole way home - and I really don't want to start our marriage off that way.

maykious

That's exactly what my problem would be--it's totally logical and makes perfect sense, so why does the thought make me so angry? Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you are totally ok with it.  If you're not ok with either one, then talk yourself into it.  Otherwise you'll be irritated the whole ride with the BM or you'll feel bad that you didn't let him come along.  At least, that's how I'd feel if I didn't psych myself into one of the two options. If you're taking gifts back with you, it'll probably be really cramped.  Maybe the BM can pay to ship the gifts so he has some room in the car...?

Tiffany618

I honestly think it is flat rude for the BM to ask.  You'll be newlyweds for crying out loud!How does FI feel about it?  Did he tell him he could or is he waiting for you to decide?   I would feel like the bad guy if I said no... so I'd definitely talk to FI about it and see what he thinks.

appletango85

Or instead of paying to ship gifts he can pay to rent himself a car to get there. Alone.

maykious

Apple, that's definitely what I would prefer.

Terriniski

For me, it would be partly based on how much of a honeymoon we'd get later (can't remember what your honeymoon situation is).  For us, not much changed after the wedding in terms of feeling a "high" or wanting lots of alone time - at least not initially.  We mostly felt a relief that it was finally done, and it took us a few days to get past that, and we spent that time getting back to Dallas and just relaxing at home for bit before heading out to our honeymoon.  So knowing that, I wouldn't have minded spending a few days with some friends - although it would depend on how close you are to the BM.  If the drive is your honeymoon or you can't take your honeymoon until later, I'd say it's not selfish to want a little alone time and your FI and BM should understand.

SCbrideinTX

FI is okay with it, but he told the BM that is was my decision - but he clearly doesn't want to tell the guy no. But then again FI doesn't have a sentimental bone in his body, to him it's all about the practicality. The BM will save money and we'll get home faster (even if we are cramped in my little kia).

SCbrideinTX

Yea, our HM is on hold until FI builds up some time off from his job. We were planning on just taking two days to drive back, so we could enjoy the leaves changing, and stopping in Nashville for a night.If the BM comes then we'll just drive straight through, get home Tuesday and spend Tuesday and Wednesday together. We both are going back to work on Thursday.

maykious

To me, that means you should let BM find his own way home.  If your honeymoon isn't in the near future, you should absolutely stop on the way home and take a little time for yourselves.  You'll need a rest after the wedding day anyway.

KellyLovesJames

Oh, SC - That changes it.... you really should encourage him to find another way. (Or have FI kindly encourage him)Sorry about my suggestion before...

SCbrideinTX

I tried to bring it up with the BMs GF earlier to see if I mentioned to her that it might be a little cramped if she'd pass the message along, but she had to go to school, so I didn't get a chance to talk to her about.

appletango85

Just have FI tell him that it is going to be really cramped with all the stuff you are bringing back and ya'll were planning a minimoon with a night in Nashville and it would be terribly awkward for him to be there for that.In that situation I would definitely say no. Might feel bad about it for a little bit...until we were alone in the car or alone in the hotel room *winkwink*

Tiffany618

Yeah I'd say no also if thats the case.   I agree with Alana, if you had a honeymoon planned in the near future it would be better.I'd want to be free to stop in any little towns that look fun to sightsee and take pics and just have a leisurely time getting back.  That just wouldn't be the same with the 3rd wheel.

KellyLovesJames

SC - can the BM not afford a rental car or plane ticket on his own?  (I assume the wedding is in SC and you're driving back to TX?)

stephl3055

Maybe I missed reading this somewhere, but how is the BM getting there?  Is he riding with you guys?  If he's not riding up there with you, then I would think he would have no expectation of riding back with you. But even if you guys are giving him a ride up there, you've already done a lot for him, so he should try to find his own way home. 

SCbrideinTX

No the BM lives in SC (where the wedding will be) but he is working in Oklahoma City the week after the wedding, so he wants to ride back with us and get dropped off in OKC (not sure how he's getting back to SC after that).He is having some tough times money wise. He runs a rodeo production company and he lost most of his rodeos this year, so he's been having to pick up a lot of side work.He has a truck, so it's not like he couldn't drive himself out, I think he's just looking to save money.

SCbrideinTX

Sorry that I didn't explain the logistics better in my OP:We live in TX (we moved out here from SC in 2008). The wedding will be in SC. All of our guests are from SC, NC, FL, IN, OH.

maykious

Gas isn't nearly as expensive as it has been recently.  He can drive himself to OKC.  It sucks to have money problems, but they're his problems, not yours.  You two deserve some time together alone right after the wedding, and not at home where you'll feel like you have to put away all the gifts and clean and do chores and other crap.  Enjoy Nashville   We love Memphis!

SCbrideinTX

Yea, I think we were going to stop in Memphis for some barbecue, yum!

KellyLovesJames

I agree with May... but I don't have the guts to say it. 

stephl3055

Okay, I see what the situation is.  But if he's working in OKC and you guys drop him off, how is he going to get around the city?  Like from his hotel to wherever he is working?  And he would need a car to either drive back to SC in, or at least to the airport to fly back.  I would just tell your FI that it makes it easier on everyone if he takes his own car and drives himself. 

SCbrideinTX

Well, he's going to go work with his cousin that lives out this way - so I assume he's just meeting up with them, and maybe hitching a ride back with them to SC, dunno.

Jay&Marissa

I agree--it's inappropriate. Just tell him no.Or tell him yes--if he doesn't mind seeing a little nookie along the way...I'm sure he'll make the right decision then

emimayor

I'd say no AND have your FI tell him no himself. This isn't fair to you to have to be the "bad guy". You two will NEVER get those few days of being newlyweds back. I agree with Marissa, it is inappropriate.

BanannaP

If you weren't going to be heading in the same direction, he'd have to find a way there himself anyways, right? So he needs to just figure that out. And hey, I'm in Nashville! If you need recommendations for where to eat, what to do, well, I can't really help you myself since I've only been here a month but I could ask my roommates if they have suggestions!

justinandcrystal

I would feel the same way.  It would be like people calling you over and over on your honeymoon when that is your first time together married.Think of it this way, your Fi probably doesn't really want him riding back with y'all, but at least yall are in it together and would have a story to tell.  This may sound strange, but when my DH and I have to do something that neither one of us wants to it kind of gives us a little bond, like we can just look at each other and know how the other person is feeling exactly.  And then as soon as its all done with we gripe and even laugh about it together!  DH's best friend was getting a divorce right before we got married and I swear, it was like You, Me and Dupree at our house!  I'd come home from work and he would even be parked in my spot in the drive way!!  My hubby didn't want him here all the time either, so we had that connection and even laughed about it a lot.