August 2012 Weddings

UGH!! Another FMIL vent! SUPER long, sorry!

Ok... so last week I posted about my FMIL and how she was complaining about the cost for the bar... well things only got worse....

 Last week on Tuesday, my mom, my FSIL(who's a BM), a really good friend of mine (who's another BM), and my FMIL (who wasn't suppose to be there to start with) went to David's Bridal so that my two BM's could try on the dress that picked.

Well it turned into a night mare!! My FSIL wasn't liking how the dress looked on her, but my mom, my good friend and I all a sured her that it looked amazing on her and made her look 10lbs smaller, which it did. Well she finally said that the more she looks at it the more she likes and said that she'll never be thin and she just has to accept that, us 3 again assured her that she looks great for having a 6 month old and has lost A LOT of weight since, and my FMIL says "No, you won't!" which really hurt my FSIL and she started having tears in her eyes. So my other BM and I went and comforted her and told her how great she looks and how awesome the dress looks on her.

Well, while we were doing that my lovely FMIL decided to complain to MY mom about the bar bill!! She was saying loudly how much it came too and they were horrified by it, and telling my mom that they're going to do a cash bar now and they'll hand out 2 drinking tickets a guest! Then she pulls out a pad of paper and starts listing the number for the reharesal dinner and complaining about how much that was going to cost them! My mom is sitting there getting more and more pissed!! She was causing a scene at David's Bridal with other people just feet away from them!!

First off, the bar bill ISN"T finalized! It won't be until we give an exact number count on how many guest will be and they have to pick out which package deal they want, there's 5 that they can choose from ranging from different prices!

Second off, she HASN'T even sat down with our venue to talk to them about it! The only time they have talked to them was the day we went to put the deposit down on it and my future in laws came too so they could see what the price of alcohol would be and if it would be ok for them! They looked it over that day with the prices and knowing how much it would be and said that they would be fine with it that they could work something out with all the different packages that they offer!!! So they had a chance to say no, it's a little pricey or say here's the amount that they're willing to pay and to work around that or we would have to add to it! They didn't say anything how they liked the look of the venue and that they liked it there!!

I felt so bad for my mom! Isn't not that she was mad that she wanted to talk about it, she was mad HOW she did it! She was completing blind sided by it and that she choose to do it on a night that was suppose to be a fun night of my BM's getting their dresses! AND that she was raising her voice about it!! My mom got so pissed that she stormed out!

The next night when my FI came over, I told him that we could NOT have a cash bar that our invites and reception cards are all ordered and that we would had to put that on the reception card so that the guest no! You know what his response was??? My dad refuses to have a cash bar!!! So my FMIL obvisously isn't talking this over with her husband!!!!! Since he is saying that their will be no cash bar and they'll be paying for it!!

At this point I've been so up-set that I've cried for a couple nights and I haven't been in any wedding planning mood! Which is why I've been MIA here, it's been depressing to hear your girls stories when I've ust been feeling that I want the wedding here and over with already!

Oh, on my previous vent post I said that I was scared she would skimp on the reharseal dinner, what I meant was skimp on people! Meaning not inviting everyone that should be there, which she already wanted to cross people off the list and my feelings are if they're there for the reharsing part then they need to be there for the dinner part! AND She wants to add all these kids to the dinner! I told my FI I will be pissed as hell if she invites all these kids and not the actual people who are there for the reharseal! It would be SO rude to have to say to them sorry you can't go to dinner! My FI agrees and said that whoever the minister sayx needs to be there for the reharseal should be there for dinner, and that he'll talk to his mom about it!

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Re: UGH!! Another FMIL vent! SUPER long, sorry!

  • I am so sorry you have to go through this. She obviousally forgot her manners back home where she was suppose to be that day. But your not alone on having issues w/ soon to be in-laws. Just take a deep breath, and remind her once and a while that it's your and your FI's day. you may even want to confront her and tell her that you and your family no longer want to discuss the bar bill, that it is for her and her husband to discuss and decide since they offered from the beginning to take care of it.
  • My mom wouldn't of mind talking to her about it. She just rather of discussed it in a banner manner, over the phone or in person but calmly, not blind sided! That's what really got my mom mad, she wasn't expecting it!
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  • I completly agree with you and your mom. But she obviously cant talk about it without causing a scene so thats what i meant.  you have way too much to think about then to be stressed about this, ya know?
  • I would avoid doing or discussing anything wedding related in front of your FMIL for a while. Maybe she'll take the hint that her bad behavior isn't appreciated. Sorry she's being so difficult. Hope you all get it worked out soon.
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  • I agree with mtishawt. She needs to agree to something and stick to it rather than causing all of this anxiety, whether it is a specific bar package or a certain dollar amount they are willing to spend. Also, It really isn't up to her who comes to the rehearsal dinner. If she doesn't invite everyone you want there then you can just invite them and pick up the added cost. Not ideal but it will save you some stress.
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  • I am so sorry you are having to go through this!!  I agree with PPs that your FI should be talking to her (it is his Mom after all)!!  Also, I agree that she should make a decision and stick with it!!

    I also feel that she should have picked a better time and place to discuss the issues she has, noone should rain on your happy day with your BMs!! 

    Also as far as the rehearsal dinner, again I would have your FI talk to his Mom and tell her your feelings (as well as his) about the guest list.  He may have an easier time keeping her calm (just a thought, don't know for sure)!! 

    Good luck!!
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  • If it was me, I'd refuse to invite her to anything wedding related until the rehearsal dinner and wedding.  I'd also have a sit down chat with you, your FI, your FMIL AND FFIL at a private place like their house.  That way, you know what both your FI's mom and dad are saying and everyone can get on the same page.  If they continue to be a problem, I'd tell them nevermind, you appreciate the attempt, but you'll be handling the bar bill from here on out.  And I'd just bust my butt picking up overtime to avoid dealing with them in the future...
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  • Thanks ladies!! Nothing has really been resolved. My FFIL told my FI that there will not be cash bar that HE refuses to have one also! That they will take care of it, I don't know if FFIL talked to FMIL about that, and yes they are still married, but it doesn't seem like they're on the same page with it! They're suppose to go talk to the venue soon, so maybe that'll help. With the RH dinner, FI told her that when we meet with the minister, we'll ask him who HAS to be there for sure and then those people will be at dinner, we'll then give her the exact number count and take it from there on what she says. There's really no other way I can think of handling it.
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  • I think your future in-laws need to have a talk with the venue before your FMIL is allowed to have any wedding bar related discussions again.  Or you and your guy need to have a sitdown with everyone involved in paying for the wedding and get all the details on paper so that she can't pull this on you and your mother again.

    From the way your FMIL ambushed your mother in public, in my opinion means that she is complaining to complain and that she is possibly looking for attention.  She is not doing anything constructive or positive to try and change the situation.  Add to the fact that she and her husband aren't even on the same page about it!

    I hope you get something figured out soon. 

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