I need to learn to not take it personally

chicadelpadre

My family (those that who RSVP'd on time at least) were doing an amazing job at filling out their cards and such. We drew the line after 1st cousins. No children of our cousins, regardless of age, were explicitally invited. Thus far, most of the family seemed to get that and no one questioned kids or anything (so I guess I'm HOPING they understand and we don't have a gaggle of kids show up because we won't have seats for butts or food for mouths if that happens). The only people under 18 who were even invited were siblings, cousins or people where the kids were the reason we knew the parents (ie, the people I babysat for).

That is until today. I sent everyone who hadn't sent their RSVP back yet a FB a private message asking if they would be able to attend or not. I waited until after I got the mail to be sure we didn't get any today and I'm too impatient to wait for tomorrow lol So anyhow, someone responded to put them down with more than they had been invited with and I had to respond that I was sorry, the invitation was only for them and x and we only had room for them and x. They responded that they had kids and would not be attending without them.

I guess the whole tone of the message (which I know is lost, especially on FB sometimes) just seemed kind of snotty. Some cousins who were invited +1 chose to bring their kid as their date, which is fine.

For me it's more about the number they were invited with and less about who it is that actually comes. I know that we would "technically" have room for said kids, but if I start making exceptions for someone with 2 kids, I'd have to make them for the cousins with 5 kids and I'm not letting it snowball.

Tell me I'm not crazy? (andplusalso, sorry I like to write a lot at once!)

cschuma2

You're not crazy.

People are rude to assume that their kids are invited.  Keep that in mind.  They are being rude, not you.  When people have kids that are not invited though, you have to just accept that they are more likely to skip out on the party.  That just comes with the territory.  Stand your ground because like you said, it will snowball.

While your guest's response did seem kind of snotty, it's hard to understand tone via facebook.  Just let it roll of your back and forget about it.  You will have a great day regardless of whether cousin Joe is in attendance or not.

I would just clarify that they cannot decide to get a babysitter and show up by themselves later.

"Alright then, we'll mark you and x down as a no then.  We definitely understand, but you will be missed!  We'll see you at grandma's house for Mother's Day!"

chicadelpadre

Thanks. And good idea on clarifying that I'm marking them as no. I'll do that now before I forget.

Merin

cschuma said it perfectly!    You're not crazy at all.

chicadelpadre

Thanks guys. I really think that RSVPs should go out with instructions because a lot of people obviously need help with them (maybe it could be some sort of voter/election type booklet?). This is a much bigger hassle than finding my dress, or even helping my mom find her outfit!

ETA: The couple who broke up in my last post about messed up RSVPs has apparently gotten back together, though they are not living together anymore, so at least that's one headache avoided.

antoinettegover

What a mess but you did the right thing and if they can't get a sitter for a few hours that's just a shame either way you will have a beautiful wedding don't sweat that stuff. Maybe if people are placed in the same situation they will learn to respond it has to be a cut off somewhere.

chicadelpadre

The sad part is that the kids aren't little enough to need a sitter. They would be fine staying at home. Plus, their father, my cousin's ex, is friends with FI and he was invited with his new wife and they didn't have a problem RSVPing for only themselves.

Then I had another cousin add her kids, but she was much more understanding when I said we didn't have room. I just hope that the other cousins realize their kids were not invited and didn't just fill out the RSVP correctly on a fluke. Guess we'll see if we have 50 extra people at the wedding or not :-/

antoinettegover

Will you have enough food to feed the extra people? My FI thinks it's okay to invite all these people.....I told him no we can't feed everybody.

chicadelpadre

Yes and no. We would have enough of some of the food to feed 50 extra people, but not of everything. We're planning to have food for 200 regardless of how many actually come because we're not going through a "real" caterer and FI and some of his friends eat enough for 3 or 4 people (no joke!) so I'd rather have some extra food.

We won't have enough seats for sure though. The reception hall will hold 175 - 200ish comfortably. We'd be very happy if we got under 175 total. If we end up with a gaggle of kids, I'm guessing the reception will be very short. And in the end it's something I'm going to have to give up worrying about because I can't control it and it would be their mistake for bringing kids when we did everything we could to spell out exactly who was invited.

literarymuse

When you say "kids," do you actually mean little children or do you just mean your cousins' offspring? If it's the former, maybe you could have an area set up not in the reception room for them to chill? That way they won't disturb your party. You could always hire a couple of babysitters. You could evaluate how many children you currently have coming, estimate how many more you think could potentially show up, and then go from there.

Just a suggestion, though, kind of for the worst case scenario. We put our wedding website in our invitations, and on our website it asks for people not to bring their children. Some of them are specifically included on our invitations, but most are not.

chicadelpadre

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-toldeo_need-learn-not-personally?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:237Discussion:4d80d207-dde8-43c8-aca0-533e054ed2daPost:74d55d81-b79f-45e3-a4b9-9e6be4d4721c">Re: I need to learn to not take it personally</a>:
[QUOTE]When you say "kids," do you actually mean little children or do you just mean your cousins' offspring? If it's the former, maybe you could have an area set up not in the reception room for them to chill? That way they won't disturb your party. You could always hire a couple of babysitters. You could evaluate how many children you currently have coming, estimate how many more you think could potentially show up, and then go from there. Just a suggestion, though, kind of for the worst case scenario. We put our wedding website in our invitations, and on our website it asks for people not to bring their children. Some of them are specifically included on our invitations, but most are not.
Posted by literarymuse[/QUOTE]

We mean any offspring of cousins regardless of age. The oldest in that group would be about 15-17 down to the youngest of like 2 weeks (we would make an exception for the 2 week old obviously).

There isn't enough space at venue (it's just a legion hall) to set anything up in any other rooms - our buffet will take up the only other room available to us aside from restrooms and the kitchen.