Guest list )@(*&$(*#^&)(#@

Jlp818

So my venue holds 155 at the MOST.  When I booked it originally I knew it would be tight but I didn't want a huge wedding so I was totally ok with that number.  I checked with all of my VIPs and got a guest list together with 160 on it. 
Since then our parents have bullied us into adding 65 more people to the list and I have had to cut off 20 friends just to keep the numbers manageable.  Well now the list is at 197 and we won't know about 40 of those invited to the wedding. 
  I want to cry. 
  I didn't want this huge wedding in the first place.  Now we are way over budget, over capacity and won't know a ton of people who are invited.  I have pleaded this case to my mom and she keeps saying to find people to cut out from my list or FI's list or we will just figure it out.  Argh.  I'm just all set today.

bluebfalo

are they paying for the wedding? is that why they have so much say in the guest list?

Jlp818

Yes they are paying... which is why I'm really stuck.  There is a possibility I may have to lose my deposit and try to find another wedding venue if I can't cut down this list. 

BostonGIrl4732

You really can't over-invite.  Someone came on one of the other boards a few weeks back and had 40 extra people coming to her wedding that her venue could not accommodate.  I think you need to talk to your parents and show them how many people over you are.  And show them the contract with the capacity number.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.  FI and I are having a problem with my parents and the guest list as well.  It's not a fun thing to deal with.

bluebfalo

<span style="font-size:11px;">[QUOTE]Yes they are paying... which is why I'm really stuck.  There is a possibility I may have to lose my deposit and try to find another wedding venue if I can't cut down this list.  :(</span>
Posted by Jlp818[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe if they knew that you would lose the deposit and possibly not have a wedding venue they <span style="font-size:11px;">would be more willing to cut their list as well. I personally think it's your wedding and you should have the people you want there to celebrate it. However, etiquette rules say he who pays gets to make the rules which totally sucks</span></div>

Sara G to be

If they are paying and want all of those people then I guess they don't mind losing their deposit??? Or did you put down the deposit? I wish I could give some type of advice but its a sticky situation. If you put the deposit and lose it then I sure wouldn't put down for another one I would have my parents put it down. I have to keep asking my FI's mom if she is sure thats all she wants to invite!

Jlp818

Thank ladies.  I was able to cut down the list to 174 and I'm having my parents meet me at the venue on Thursday to see it in person and have the coordinator explain the capacity issue to them.     Hopefully this will work or we will have to find a new place and forfit our deposit. 
I feel so dumb making thia mistake.

Aliadee1984

I personally think its a crappy rule he who pays gets the say. I mean, it's YOUR wedding. You should be surrounded by people you want to share the moment with. In our case, the bill is split between us, and our sets of parents so we are splitting the guest list the same way. Are you and your FI covering any of the cost? Maybe you can come up with a formula for how many guests each paying party can invite.

Jlp818

Our parents (mostly mine) are paying for the entire wedding so we really don't get much of a say.  My dad is a bit more relaxed about it but my mom and her boyfriend keep adding people.  They think they should be able to invite at least 75 people of their own.... which is totally different from what they said when I first made out the guest list (they confirmed at like 15 people) and booked the venue.  Now her boyfriend has changed his mind and has decided he needs all of his family and friends there. I''m hoping because these people don't know us they won't go?  I can't f-in stand him sometimes.

  

janellegt13

Wow, I'm so sorry! I think the part I would be most upset about (besides potentially losing money) is not being able to have all the friends there I wanted. 

Could you guys do some kind of meet up at a bar/restaurant after the reception for you and all your friends? Or maybe some other weekend. Just like a come celebrate with us, no present required type thing? 

zantster

There just might be a silver lining in this Jlp.  Let the venue be the bad guy.  I would act like in a perfect world you would loooove to invite all these people but the fact is that the capacity is what it is.  Then let the venue deliver the bad news to your mom. After the meeting I would tell her you have cut it down as much as you could at the 174 and can't think of any other option unless the venue is changed.  Then if they spring for another larger venue that holds enough to add the other people back on that's what I would do.  I know you never wanted a large wedding.  But it looks like that's going to happen either way so you may as get to have the people you and your FI want too if you can swing it.  Your parents shouldn't be able to just have their first picks.

TayBeach2013

I'm sorry this is happening to you, Jlp.  FI and I are footing the bills ourselves so we don't have to listen to anyone, so I can't offer much more than that .  I hope the venue can help your mom and her man realize how unfair they're being by bogarting half the guest list.

BAS19

I'm so sorry JLP. I can't imagine having people at my wedding that neither FI nor I knew. We are paying for the wedding ourselves, but even if any of the parents helped pay I can't see them imposing their guests on us, especially people we never even met. Hopefully seeing the venue and making them the "bad guy" will help your situation.  Good luck!