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A donation has been made..... (Xpost)
So I'm trying to come up with a unique idea for favors. I really liked the ideas of everyone getting a scratch off lottery ticket (including a penny with our marriage year) as a favor. I figure they will be fun and a great way to start convo at the tables.
I brought this by FI today and he says "Or - you can give them an envelope that says "a donation has been made in your name...". I really, really, really don't want to go that route so I shot it down right away.
He talks about the wedding he went to where they had "Live Strong" bracelets - I shot it down again, stating he only liked the favor b/c he LOVES Lance Armstrong (seriously, I am SO GLAD the tour is over - if I had to hear what "Lance" did today one more time I will scream!)
BUT - then he brings up his bff from high school who died in a car crash about 4 years ago. They hold a 5K for him every year, and there are blue bracelets for the scholarship fund. So he want's to have a donation favor to support the scholarship fund in honor of his dead friend. Now how do I, and can I, shoot this down?
I still think donations are horrible favors.
I brought this by FI today and he says "Or - you can give them an envelope that says "a donation has been made in your name...". I really, really, really don't want to go that route so I shot it down right away.
He talks about the wedding he went to where they had "Live Strong" bracelets - I shot it down again, stating he only liked the favor b/c he LOVES Lance Armstrong (seriously, I am SO GLAD the tour is over - if I had to hear what "Lance" did today one more time I will scream!)
BUT - then he brings up his bff from high school who died in a car crash about 4 years ago. They hold a 5K for him every year, and there are blue bracelets for the scholarship fund. So he want's to have a donation favor to support the scholarship fund in honor of his dead friend. Now how do I, and can I, shoot this down?
I still think donations are horrible favors.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A donation has been made..... (Xpost)
However, we weren't going to do favors AT ALL since we don't have any extra money to spend on this affair - the wedding is bare-bones right now. I was basically deciding to do something small just to keep FMIL quite b/c she's making a huge fuss out of it and wants to decorate stupid votives with little wedidng rings and lace and blah blah blah....
I figured if I'm spending money on a favor, it might as well be something fun and somewhat useful. I don't want it to end up in a yard sale a year from then..or worse, left on the table!
[QUOTE]It's your fiance's wedding too.Donating and giving bracelets for the cause is a great idea for a favor.
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]
While the cause may be good, I always believed that donations should not be made in someone's name w/o their consent and it should not be passed off as a favor to the guest. This is not a favor to them. I would rather give no favor at all.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A donation has been made..... (Xpost) : While the cause may be good, I always believed that donations should not be made in someone's name w/o their consent and it should not be passed off as a favor to the guest. This is not a favor to them. I would rather give no favor at all.
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]
I think its funny I read this in 2 different places and had 2 different responses :P
I just went to a wedding 2 weeks ago that did a donation in place of a favor for prostate cancer in the name of the brides father and those affected and it was a favor to me, I thought it was sweet and much more valuable than the crap you usually see as favors.
[QUOTE]It's your fiance's wedding too.Donating and giving bracelets for the cause is a great idea for a favor.
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]
My standard answer about "donation" favors. (I agree with OP that donations are not favors.)
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color:black;">Make your donation. I believe in donations. I make them myself. I think they're a good thing to do.
But don't pretend that they're a favor to your guests. Because they're not. They're a favor to the organization, and to you. You're taking the money you'd spend on a little something for your guests and giving it to someone else. How do you figure that's a favor for your guests?
Honestly, I don't need a favor. I don't really want a favor. You're already giving me food, drinks, entertainment. I don't need a matchbook or m&ms (although I LOVE m&ms) as a thank you.
But please don't in any, way, shape or form think that giving $$ to a charity is somehow doing something for me.
I'd liken it to a guest coming to your wedding and giving you a card that says "In honor of your marriage, I have given a donation to the "eastern micronesia tsunami prevention fund". It may be important to your guest, but it probably doesn't mean anything to you. So it's not really a gift for you, is it?</span></p>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A donation has been made..... (Xpost) : My standard answer about "donation" favors. (I agree with OP that donations are not favors.) Make your donation. I believe in donations. I make them myself. I think they're a good thing to do. But don't pretend that they're a favor to your guests. Because they're not. They're a favor to the organization, and to you. You're taking the money you'd spend on a little something for your guests and giving it to someone else. How do you figure that's a favor for your guests? Honestly, I don't need a favor. I don't really want a favor. You're already giving me food, drinks, entertainment. I don't need a matchbook or m&ms (although I LOVE m&ms) as a thank you. But please don't in any, way, shape or form think that giving $$ to a charity is somehow doing something for me. I'd liken it to a guest coming to your wedding and giving you a card that says "In honor of your marriage, I have given a donation to the "eastern micronesia tsunami prevention fund". It may be important to your guest, but it probably doesn't mean anything to you. So it's not really a gift for you, is it?
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Trix, do you have this whole post saved somewhere? lol. I've searched "donation favors" before posting my situation and you've replied the exact, word-for-word same way every time! I was like "I read this before, at least twice!"
Anywho - regardless, my issue is that I feel it is poor form to give a donation as a favor. FI disagrees, and apparently, as the differences in opinions here show, there really isn't a right or wrong answer. Which sucks, because I can't prove I'm right!!!!! errrr.
Going to have to <em>compromise</em>....sigh <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A donation has been made..... (Xpost) : My standard answer about "donation" favors. (I agree with OP that donations are not favors.) Make your donation. I believe in donations. I make them myself. I think they're a good thing to do. But don't pretend that they're a favor to your guests. Because they're not. They're a favor to the organization, and to you. You're taking the money you'd spend on a little something for your guests and giving it to someone else. How do you figure that's a favor for your guests? Honestly, I don't need a favor. I don't really want a favor. You're already giving me food, drinks, entertainment. I don't need a matchbook or m&ms (although I LOVE m&ms) as a thank you. But please don't in any, way, shape or form think that giving $$ to a charity is somehow doing something for me. I'd liken it to a guest coming to your wedding and giving you a card that says "In honor of your marriage, I have given a donation to the "eastern micronesia tsunami prevention fund". It may be important to your guest, but it probably doesn't mean anything to you. So it's not really a gift for you, is it?
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Just because it isn't a favor to YOU doesn't mean it isn't for EVERYONE.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A donation has been made..... (Xpost) : Just because it isn't a favor to YOU doesn't mean it isn't for EVERYONE.
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]
You're absolutely right. The donation IS a favor to the organization is it being given to. But it is not, by the definition of a favor, for any of the guests at the wedding.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you mad, you and your fiance should donate but as pp's said keep it quiet and either don't do a favor or soemthing small like candy or cookies,
Anyway: to your original question: I'm not sure what to tell you. My SIL's dad died 9 months before their wedding, and he died of cancer. So at their wedding, they just had a basket of "live strong" bracelets out. There wasn't any mention at all of their donation to Live Strong, and there wasn't even any mention of SIL's dad.
People knew the situation, and if they wanted a bracelet they took one. If they didn't they left it.
GL with this decision. I can tell it's not easy for you. But keep on trying.
So it satisfied SIL's desire to have something there, but without AW-ing it. And then they had favor boxes with m&m's in their colors inside.
How about this to placate your FI? You make the donation in memory of the young man who passed away. But you don't announce the donation at your wedding. And then, because the color of the bracelets is blue, you have blue m&ms as a deeply personal and quiet nod to the charity.