Flowers

Good Idea or Bad Idea...FMIL?

My FMIL has done flowers with a friend of hers in their small local town flower shop for years and years...and more years.  Haha.  Anyways, she really wants to do our flowers for our wedding which I'm *mostly* ok with because we get a nice discount also ;) 

BUT---it is my FMIL and I've already gotten comments like, "you can't do an all white bouquet, it'll blend in with your gown in pictures" and "those flowers aren't a good choice, they'll wilt that same day"  Ugh.

I know she's trying to be helpful and whatnot but when it comes down to it, I'm gonna want the flowers...I want.  Period.  I don't see us butting heads but--say it with me now--this is why it's not a good idea to have family/friends be "vendors"

Any suggestions, ideas??

Re: Good Idea or Bad Idea...FMIL?

  • edited December 2011
    do some shopping around, and see if you can find a reasonable florist who is willing to what you're wanting to have done. the discount might be nice if you go with the FMIL, but is the stress really worth it? personally, i think it would be a lot less stress on both of you if you choose to go with someone else. you can present it to her as you want her involved in other things rather than being completely wrapped up with doing the flowers.

    in the end, darling, it's your wedding. do what you want. feelings will be less hurt in the end if you choose another florist than if you constantly butt heads the whole wedding process.
    *marc & catrina*
    *10.9.10*
  • Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I understand you don't want to "butt heads" with your FMIL.  You might have to decide what is more important to you.  Saving the money on the flowers, and having to listen to well-meaning advice/unsolicited input, OR getting exactly what you want but paying more. 

    If you make practical, well informed choices now, it will save everyone a little stress later.  I will only point out a few things (just like your FMIL is doing, lol!):

    Most florists will give you some kind of input, or will point out pros and cons of using certain flowers, so there are no surprises later.  They may not even tell you certain flowers are more expensive, delicate, or hard to work with.  They might just charge you more and not offer suggestions on cheaper alternatives. 

    When the person doing the flowers is also one of the parents or WP, she may be thrilled to do this for you, but it's added stress on her.  The day of the wedding, and the night before are already very busy, so flowers that wilt easily will mean more last minute work for her.  She can't be at the RD or in pictures and doing flower touch ups at the same time.  (I hope she has help). 

    No, she shouldn't be telling you what you want, but she's done this before so she might actually have some good suggestions.  It might pay you to at least consider what she's telling you.  Ultimately you decide what you want.  If you think she's the type to over ride what you want, and just do what she wants instead, then definitely get another florist.

    On your wedding day, you will be very busy and distracted.  As long as you have some flowers and they are presentable looking, you will likely not care about the details.  If FMIL or your florist gets the overall look how you want it, it's all good.

  • future-mrsfuture-mrs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    True, true, this is why I love this board and the girls on it :)  You guys are always so helpful and come up with input I never think of. 

    FMIL is one thing, she is a busy-body, loves to go, go, go and be INVOLVED.  This is why I'm ok with her doing them because it's the one task she does have and she loves this stuff.  She does make valid points, I give her that but I also feel like sometimes she's shooting down EVERYTHING I come up with... since we have forever and a day til our wedding I'll probably play it out for a bit with ideas and see how she continues to roll.  FI went as far as, "I'll call her right now and tell her to quit fighting you on every suggestion for flowers."  But I'm not ready for that drama!  And I definitely want no beef with future in-laws. 

    Thanks a lot though girls, helpful insight.  :-)
  • aggiebugaggiebug member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    have you asked her for suggestions on similar flowers that will hold up better? and see what you think of them.  explain why you really like those flowers and see what she says.

    gl
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.
    Fred Rogers
  • rfinch316rfinch316 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Believe it or not, my FFIL is the same way. I'm debating on whether to allow him to do our catering (he said "I'm doing it. Case closed.") or gently explaining that we'll be going with someone else.

    If I were you, (and again just MY opinion), I might consider going with her.She might really know her stuff, and if you put your foot down in the beginning, she'll be less likely to challenge you. I'd probably say something along the lines of "Mom, the only reason I'm hesitant to have you do my flowers is that I'm afraid my vision won't be carried through." But, I tend to be a little more up front in my communication with others... hehe. ;)  In the end, people are less likely to say "I can't believe she chose hydrangeas for her bouquet!" than to say "This was awful food." You could put that extra money towards something to add to your guests' comfort, or a special dinner/trip/event during your honeymoon. Good luck!
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