Pre-wedding Parties

Engagement Party Resistance from Fiance

So...  Two of my friends have offered to plan and now are planning an engagement party for me and my fiance'.  I am so flattered and humbled that they are so excited about doing this.  My fiance' on the other hand is acting strange and resistant.  He doesn't seem to even want to send out evites to his friends and last night he said that we could just invite my friends.  That his friends wouldn't want to come to something like this and he doesn't want to put them out.  He doesn't even think his sister and brother and their husband and wife would come because it's on the other side of town. 

My fiance' is very shy and HATES to put people out.  I understand and respect that about him, but he doesn't seem to realize that people aren't put out by celebrations.  People enjoy celebrating and want to celebrate with us.  Today I emailed him and asked him to give me a list of people he wants to invite and their emails so I could give the list to my friends.  He responded with 'just my groomsmen I guess', no addresses and no one else.  I responded and asked what about so & so.  He responded with 'I'll ask him'.  I don't know how to deal with this.  It seems really passive aggressive and it's really infuriating. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks!
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Re: Engagement Party Resistance from Fiance

  • edited December 2011
    Have you asked your fiance why he has such resistance with it?  If you haven't talked to him about it and how he feels on the subject, you will never know why he is acting this way.  I would also tell him that this is something you are really excited about and want to celebrate your engagement with your close friends.  Once he hears how you feel, he may realize how much this means to you and be more open.

    Good luck!
  • lenergyrlahlenergyrlah member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My sister (MOH) offered to throw me an engagement party.  So did all of FI's friends.  He is very outgoing (I am the shy one) but for some reason he doesn't want to have an engagement party.

    Don't push it.  The party is supposed to be about both of you, so if he doesn't want it I don't think it should happen.  If your friends care about you they should understand; besides who wants to plan a party that they know won't be appreciated?

    I understand that it is really infuriating that he is being so passive aggressive (in some ways he reminds me of my ex).  I would sit and talk with him and first ask, do you want to have an engagement party? are you comfortable with it? and if he actually does want the party you can discuss how you feel he is being really passive.  But my guess is he isn't comfortable with it and that's why he isn't excited about helping plan it.
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  • KHollyTXKHollyTX member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Update!  He seems to have relaxed and even commented on people he forgot to invite.  I think he's looking forward to it now, he just gets overwhelmed sometimes.  The party is next weekend and I'm really looking forward to it!
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