Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette Party -- Money question (longer)

I am in charge of throwing my BFF's Bachelorette Party. At first, it seemed like I was going to plan it all, which I was totally fine with. But the past couple of days she has been throwing me ideas, so it sounds like she wants to be in on the planning, which is fine, too. 

But she has brought up the idea of having a limo, because it will be "so cheap" since there will be a large group of us. First of all, I think it would be at least $50 pp, which isn't "so cheap" to me, in addition to whatever we end up spending on food and drinks, etc. that evening. 

I guess I just don't know the protocol of who pays for all this and how to decide what the appropriate level of spending will be throughout the night. How fancy of a restaurant should we go to? Do we all need to cover her dinner and drinks so she doesn't pay? Keep in mind that none of us have a ton of money, and many are already paying to come in from out of state. Actually, it's a destination wedding, so even us local South Florida folks have to spend money to get down to the Keys and for a hotel, food, gas, etc. 

What's more, her FI, is having a super expensive bachelor party. he is chartering a fishing boat in the Keys, which will be $200 bucks a head, plus, tip, food, drinks, etc, AND two nights in a hotel since they will leave early in the morning the next day and will be too tired to drive home after the boat trip. So you're looking at prolly $400!!!  I think it's pretty presumptuous to ask people to spend so much money, especially when he knows a lot of them don't have it. My FI is a die-hard fisherman and just can't afford it so will not be joining them. I worry that her FI is setting a bad example and encouraging her to also throw money caution to the wind when planning her outing!

That said, I want her to have a great, fun night, but none of us are in the position to drop a couple hundred dollars. Help!
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Re: Bachelorette Party -- Money question (longer)

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-money-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:292cd749-36fb-4480-a454-63d9ff838955Post:b10d3c43-5117-4ce6-8b76-deac648b2681">Bachelorette Party -- Money question (longer)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am in charge of throwing my BFF's Bachelorette Party. At first, it seemed like I was going to plan it all, which I was totally fine with. But the past couple of days she has been throwing me ideas, so it sounds like she wants to be in on the planning, which is fine, too.  <strong>But she has brought up the idea of having a limo, because it will be "so cheap" </strong>since there will be a large group of us. First of all, I think it would be at least $50 pp, which isn't "so cheap" to me, in addition to whatever we end up spending on food and drinks, etc. that evening.  I guess I just don't know the protocol of who pays for all this and how to decide what the appropriate level of spending will be throughout the night. How fancy of a restaurant should we go to? <strong>Do we all need to cover her dinner and drinks so she doesn't pay? </strong>Keep in mind that none of us have a ton of money, and many are already paying to come in from out of state. Actually, it's a destination wedding, so even us local South Florida folks have to spend money to get down to the Keys and for a hotel, food, gas, etc.  What's more, her FI, is having a super expensive bachelor party. he is chartering a fishing boat in the Keys, which will be $200 bucks a head, plus, tip, food, drinks, etc, AND two nights in a hotel since they will leave early in the morning the next day and will be too tired to drive home after the boat trip. So you're looking at prolly $400!!! <strong> I think it's pretty presumptuous to ask people to spend so much money,</strong> especially when he knows a lot of them don't have it. My FI is a die-hard fisherman and just can't afford it so will not be joining them. I worry that her FI is setting a bad example and encouraging her to also throw money caution to the wind when planning her outing! That said, I want her to have a great, fun night, but none of us are in the position to drop a couple hundred dollars. Help!
    Posted by Moon9981[/QUOTE]

    Basically the bride has NO say in her Bachelortette Party because she's not the one throwing it.  She can have a say with little things or the certain restaurtant she might like (as long as it's not super fancy and expensive), but not something eleborate like having a limo for the night. 

    That really is unneccessary and please do not feel obligated at all to do what she says.  You need to do what YOU can afford and do financially. 

    Regarding dinner, with what my bridesmaids did at the bachelorette was pay for my meal but not my drinks.  We had a co-ed bachelorette party so it wasn't much divided by like 10 people to cover the cost of my meal.  My sister and his sister were there to cover most of the tab and the other bridesmaids just put in whatever they thought they could, and whatever they thought was reasonable.  You know.  So really I guess his sister paid for our drinks which was nice of her to volunteer that.  She was a bridesmaid too.  But because she was related, she felt she wanted to do something nice/above for her brother by paying for our drinks, which we said she didn't have to.  My at the time FI said he didn't mind paying for our drinks but she insisted, and she had a gift card so it was nice of her.  But if she didn't do that me and my FI would have payed for our OWN drinks. 

    So regarding this bride, it is up to you and the other bridesmaids. 

    Also, you don't even have to do dinner.  A lot of bridesmaids have a girls night in renting movies or making margaritas or something.  You don't have to go all out crazy but this bride seems to want to get hammered and have a limo ride cart her around.

    You don't have to do any of it.  Bachelorette parties are entirely optional for the bridesmaids to throw.  The bride does not even need one, so whatever you guys can afford to do, is what she gets, and she can't get upset with it. 

    Anyway regarding the guys and saying it was presumtuous to ask people to spend that kind of money - well they don't have to.  If his friends who he invites can't afford it, they don't have to attend.  End of story.  Also, the groom really shouldn't be throwing his own bachelor party.  That isn't fair for everyone else.  But like I said, they don't have to attend then.
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  • edited December 2011
    You plan what you can afford. B-parties can be fun even if you don't go out. You could have a girls night in, do manis/pedis, drink margaritas, order pizza or chinese and watch girlie movies.

    She obviously wants a say in planning because she wants something that matches up to what her FI is doing. But she doesn't/shouldn't get a real say because, yes, you are expected to cover the bill for her. It's a gift that you are giving to her, so ask her politely to step back and tell her it will be a surprise.

    You can ask others to help pitch in, but make sure you know exactly what they can contribute and plan accordingly. I'm sure you will all have fun no matter what you do and hopefully the bride will see all the effort you put in and have a good time.
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  • Moon9981Moon9981 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The strangest thing about all of this is that it is totally NOT the bride's style to be so outrageous. She is typically very low-key and not showy at all. I guess she figured she wanted to do something special, out of the ordinary, but dang-it, this wedding is going to put me in the red!
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  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is so very rude of her to try and plan her B-party. Just plan the party you can and hopefully she won't be complaining about it. If she does send her here to whine about it. She'll be cured ever so shortly.
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  • RamaOtsterRamaOtster member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel sort of bad now since I just started a thread whining about my b-party and how my MOH won't let me have any say in what we are doing. (I think I have valid reasons, but maybe I'm just being a whiner. I'll find out when people respond I guess.)

    ANYWAY, I think that she is being unreasonable! I know personally I feel TERRIBLE that things are costing people money! I have tried really hard to keep costs down not only for myself but also for the wedding party and for her to determine herself that renting a limo would be "so cheap" is sort of bogus.

    Just do what you can, maybe reassure her that the transportation isn't going to be an issue, she may be thinking that it will be difficult to accomodate everyone without forcing people who would like to drink to DD.
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    For my friend's bachelorette, all of us bridesmaids discussed ideas and found out who would be willing to contribute and how much money. Then we're planning from that angle. We're using that money to cover the costs for everyone, including the bride so she doesn't pay. But we're doing something fairly low-key: we're just going to rent out a cottage for a night or two and have drinks and games there. Hopefully near a beach. It's something we all agreed we can afford.

    The bride really can't ask for a bachelorette party that is super expensive financially. That's too much. Plan her a party that is her style, but in your budget. Does she have other BMs that would like to help host and plan and share the cost? They are not required to, but some girls are willing to.

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