No Bridal Shower in sight....

chungj28

I am getting married at the end of September. My sister is my MOH but she is in Africa until 2 weeks before my wedding. My other 2 bridesmaids are in the Milwaukee area. I know that all the weddings I've gone to have had a bridal shower & a bachelorette party, which is the "norm" and I've always wanted that.

With my MOH being in Africa, it is kind of hard for her to plan my bridal shower. I know she has tried to get information from me on my favorite places, things to do, etc but whenever I email her to see where things are at with the planning, I hear nothing back. I only ask her what's going on because I know summer is a busy time for people and wants to be considerate of other people so they don't have to rearrange their schedule for me if there is to be a bridal shower. My other 2 bridesmaids seem to want to have nothing to do with planning a bridal shower (or tell me that things for the wedding shouldn't be planned and things should just happen spontaneously because they are supposed to be fun) - and it honestly kind of hurts to know that I may not get a bridal shower (I know, to some poeple it may sound a little shallow). I have hinted somewhat when I provided a list of people to invite to the bridal shower & bachelorette party that it would be nice/fun to have one but still I haven't heard anything.

Is there anything that I can do to push things along with coming off as shallow or just leave it alone and hope that something comes together but anticipate that it may not? It's gotten to the point when I have kind of come to terms that I won't have a bridal shower/bachelorette party before the wedding.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_no-bridal-shower-in-sight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:3b150a4d-2000-4478-b93f-ac525b984699Post:fc42465a-54dd-4ce6-b16c-e3bd9dee1362">No Bridal Shower in sight....</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married at the end of September. My sister is my MOH but she is in Africa until 2 weeks before my wedding. My other 2 bridesmaids are in the Milwaukee area. I know that all the weddings I've gone to have had a bridal shower & a bachelorette party, which is the "norm" and I've always wanted that. With my MOH being in Africa, it is kind of hard for her to plan my bridal shower. I know she has tried to get information from me on my favorite places, things to do, etc but whenever I email her to see where things are at with the planning, I hear nothing back. I only ask her what's going on because I know summer is a busy time for people and wants to be considerate of other people so they don't have to rearrange their schedule for me if there is to be a bridal shower. My other 2 bridesmaids seem to want to have nothing to do with planning a bridal shower (or tell me that things for the wedding shouldn't be planned and things should just happen spontaneously because they are supposed to be fun) - and it honestly kind of hurts to know that I may not get a bridal shower (I know, to some poeple it may sound a little shallow). I have hinted somewhat when I provided a list of people to invite to the bridal shower & bachelorette party that it would be nice/fun to have one but still I haven't heard anything. <strong>Is there anything that I can do to push things along with coming off as shallow or just leave it alone and hope that something comes together but anticipate that it may not?</strong> It's gotten to the point when I have kind of come to terms that I won't have a bridal shower/bachelorette party before the wedding.
Posted by chungj28[/QUOTE]

You absolutely just need to leave it alone. I get being disappointed if you've always thought you'd have a shower and bachelorette party, I really do. But please remember that no one is obligated to throw you either of these, not even your MOH or your BMs. If they truly wanted to plan one or the other, they would. It sounds like you've tried to make it known you want them anyway, so if they are still not suggesting planning one, I would honestly drop it now and not keep pushing it. I'm sure with your MOH being in Africa too it is not easy for her to plan something back in the states even if she wants to. I wouldn't keep talking to her about it, and perhaps when she returns to the states, she'll put something together for you.

MairePoppy

One thing is clear: Your bms and sister do not want to discuss this with you. Either they are not interested in throwing  a shower or bp for you, or something is being planned already - possibly by someone other than your wp. It was not very subtle for you to present the bms with guest lists for the 2 parties. They absolutely know that you want a shower and bp, so unless you want to come off as demanding, you should leave the subject alone.

One opiton for you would be to plan a girls night out or in. Don't call it a bp because you shouldn't plan a party in your own honor.

Good luck. I hope someone steps up for you, but if no one does, it's not the end of the world.

kaylAmour

I am so sick of this extremely old-fashioned thought process of the bride not having any say in her shower/b.p.
Should you host your own bridal shower? No. I know what it's like to really, really want one and have difficulty getting someone to step up to the plate, but it looks really tacky and self-absorbed if you host what is, essentially, a gift-giving party in your own honor- even if you're not hosting it because you want gifts. What I'm doing (and I'm prepared to hear a lot of criticism for this) is basically doing all the behind-the-scenes work- I bought the invitations, picked out some games and got the prizes, made decorations, and picked out the food. My MOH will put everything together the day of the shower, and it's being held at my mom's house. That way I don't have to burden anyone too much- it's what I think is a fair compromse.

I may be the only person in the world who holds this opinion, but I think the bride should be able to help plan her bachelorette party. This isn't a time to give gifts, so I dont think it looks horrible if you have a say in it. I have a coworker and several friends who have confided in me that they really did almost all the planning for their bachelorette party, they just didn't openly admit it because they're afraid of being judged because it's not "the norm." In a time where wedding invitations are being sent ONLINE and bridal showers are now becoming "couple's showers", and traditional wedding cakes are being replaced by cupcakes, even pies and brownies, why are we still so far behind in our thought process with bachelorette parties? I say do what you want, plan your own and just make sure to involve your bridesmaids so they can help in small ways (addressing invites, helping to decorate, etc.) Your grandma probably wouldn't approve of this, but it's 2012 and you've got a right to do what you want.

pkontk

It is ok for a bride to have input in a bachelorette party.  It is not ok for her to act as host.

So, you told your BP "I'll do all the work for the shower, we just need to put your names as hosts on the invite so people don't think I'm gift grabbly."?  That's rather underhanded.

MairePoppy

ditto pkontk.
It's not okay to do whatever you want. At least that's what my mom has told me since I was about 2 years old. And I have passed that info along to my own children.

lizap77

Althought it may not be proper to throw your own shower/bachelorette party, you only get married once! It's not like you can do it next year when things are more convenient for your MOH. Could you talk to your mom about the shower since your sister is out of the country? It sounds like your sister tried to get things started but is having trouble because she's not here, maybe your mom could help her out. She should understand you and know that it is something that you've looked forward to. For the bachelorette party, I would say talk to your sister. Let her know you're willing to help in whatever way she needs in planning it. She may feel bad asking you since you're planning so many other things right now. If you're going to be hurt or disappointed if it doesn't happen, make it happen! The people who love you will still love you in the end. And the people who will judge you don't have to come!