Shower/bachalorette party for destination wedding??

LadyT65

I am MOH for my only sisters destination wedding in the Caribbean.  I am thrilled to be a part of this very special occasion and want to do everything right.  Some people have mentioned to me that they think having a a shower and/or bachalorette party would be  unreasonable being that the wedding itself is such a costly event to attend. I disagree, feeling that if people don't have the finances to attend than they wont. As it is I live in Vegas, rest of family and his live in NY so I/we are doing the traveling for any parties prior to wedding as well as the wedding trip and p.s. we are NOT wealthy people. Its called sacrifice for the important stuff!! I guess I just don't think sis should be deprived of a shower/ bp  because of the location they both chose to have their wedding. Should I ask her what she wants/would prefer?? Am I wrong to think a shower is appropriate??

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_showerbachalorette-party-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4cb6a987-d448-4f27-99a1-8fe36d693dd1Post:a59a7d2c-4c2c-489e-8439-403e752ce5d7">Shower/bachalorette party for destination wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]I am MOH for my only sisters destination wedding in the Caribbean.  I am thrilled to be a part of this very special occasion and want to do everything right.  Some people have mentioned to me that they think having a a shower and/or bachalorette party would be  unreasonable being that the wedding itself is such a costly event to attend. I disagree, feeling that if people don't have the finances to attend than they wont. As it is I live in Vegas, rest of family and his live in NY so I/we are doing the traveling for any parties prior to wedding as well as the wedding trip and p.s. we are NOT wealthy people. Its called sacrifice for the important stuff!! I guess I just don't think sis should be deprived of a shower/ bp  because of the location they both chose to have their wedding. Should I ask her what she wants/would prefer?? Am I wrong to think a shower is appropriate??
Posted by LadyT65[/QUOTE]

First of all, no one should be invited to a shower unless they're also invited to the wedding itself.

And I have to say, and this is just me, I would NOT fly anywhere for a shower and/or other prewedding party if I were also having to pay for flight and accomodations for an expensive DW.   And I'd probably do some serious eye rolling at it being suggested that I might.

You can certainly ask your sister.  She may not want to imply to people that she expects them to bear expenses for both her DW and for her shower.

You will both also need to understand that a shower invitation is not a subpoena, and if you get a lot of declines to the invitation, you can't get upset or pouty about it.

GL.  I think it's nice of you to think of your sister, but there is also the reality that decisions come with consequences.  And one of the consequences of planning an expensive DW is that one might well miss out on some other wedding related things.

LadyT65

Thanks for the reply. I think maybe I wasnt clear. I would never invite someone to a shower or other party that was not already invited to the wedding.  The only person having to fly into NY for any pre-wedding parties would be ME. Everyone else on both sides still live there.

LadyT65

Also, if some very close family members have declined the wedding invitation( due to finances, understandable.) should they still be invited to a shower??? If we even have one, now I'm not sure at all that its a good idea. Just curiouse at this point.

banana468

If people decline attending the wedding it's fine to invite them to a shower.  You can invite wedding guests who can't make it to the shower.  You just can't invite people who aren't even on the guest list to the shower.

However if some of these people have expressed displeasure, I'd probably leave them off the shower guest list.

bdulli13

I don't know what your timeline is like, but we are flying into our destination three days before the wedding, as are many of our guests. My MOH is throwing the shower and bachelorette two days before the wedding so that family/friends from OOT who wouldn't normally be able to (family is all over the country) can attend. Is that a possibility for you?

heyimbren

You can have a shower and b-party even with a DW, but the reality is you'll probably have smaller guest lists and more people might decline. But there isn't anything wrong with actually having one.

Also, I like bdulli's suggestion.