plus ones for rehearsal dinner?

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_plus-ones-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:5b14ea3f-d476-4163-aa82-e0608573fa9dPost:d13c207f-a5c5-4c4f-ba20-a91c794aa02d">Re: plus ones for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]When I invite friends over for pizza and beer (which is what our RD is) I dont call and specify exactly who is invited..they rightfully assume that everyone in that household is invited, if they WANT to come. HOW I word my invitation when I call is not at all part of what i asked, all i asked is if they can come/should be able to etc. and I got my answer! therefore, I am following that advice and they are coming if they want to..are you going to come to my house and babysit me? make sure I word it the way im "supposed" to? holy.
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

My point is that you're wrong.  When you call and invite people, you invite not just the person but the group of people.  My mom doesn't issue invitations for Christmas dinner but she calls up people to say, "Hey (Sister), please come to Christmas dinner at my house with the hubby."

That's the point.  This isn't just a pizza thing.  It can be casual but you need to invite people correctly. 

That's the point that I'm trying to make.  You're sounding like having people over is a chore and as a hostess it shouldn't be that way.

You seem to only want to listen to the part that you're asked but that's not going to happen on a forum.  You're going to get answers to what is correct and not just the question at hand.

stefaniewattie

thats fine, you can have your opinion, I just dont think I need to specifically word it a more special way when I tell them whats happening that evening. Noone in my family, or any of my friends need that.. and yes, its a forum, meaning I ask for advice on a subject, I got that, and im taking it..whatever EXTRA advice you feel the need to throw in, is just that, extra, I dont HAVE to take it, and talking down to me is not helping get your point across.
Thanks for your help and advice though!

Simply Fated

You asked a question and got an answer, but you don't like the answer. Amirite?

stefaniewattie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_plus-ones-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:5b14ea3f-d476-4163-aa82-e0608573fa9dPost:8bc114f8-0804-48e0-a1a7-3618165646b3">Re: plus ones for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]You asked a question and got an answer, but you don't like the answer. Amirite?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Actually, im very happy with the answer I got, and I took the advice, by now budgeting and accounting for SO's being there..Im simply disagreeing with someone telling me HOW I should word my conversation with my friends when I talk to them about it. Which I feel I have every right too..
Just because I ask a question, doesnt mean I have to take the advice given on here, its still my wedding, not yours, just because you think your right doesnt mean I have to agree, trying to force something down my throat in regards to MY wedding is just plain rude. Im planning it, IM paying for it, meaning I get FINAL say on what happens, not you guys.
I do appreciatte the advice I got, and I AM taking it into account and changed my plans because of it. I was SIMPLY asking a question because I did not KNOW.. but i still get final say when it all comes down to it.

AshLW

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_plus-ones-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:5b14ea3f-d476-4163-aa82-e0608573fa9dPost:85008a7a-61a9-425f-9fa2-ef68576acf52">plus ones for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do <strong>I have to invite plus ones of our wedding party to our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner?</strong> Its not like they have anything to "rehearse" and I would assume they would just wind up standing there akwardly as none of them are really friends (all of our WP members are from different areas and times in our life, so most dont know eachother) <strong>Just wondering if I should be budgeting for them and inviting them or not?</strong>
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

Weaving through all the BS, the answers to your original questions are 1. Yes, you have to invite plus ones to your rehearsal and dinner, 2. Yes you should be budgeting for them and inviting them.

And it's over.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_plus-ones-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:5b14ea3f-d476-4163-aa82-e0608573fa9dPost:367d3a1c-b8dc-4c22-bbf0-b7ee5291c09e">Re: plus ones for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: plus ones for rehearsal dinner? : Actually, im very happy with the answer I got, and I took the advice, by now budgeting and accounting for SO's being there..Im simply disagreeing with someone telling me HOW I should word my conversation with my friends when I talk to them about it. Which I feel I have every right too.. Just because I ask a question, doesnt mean I have to take the advice given on here, its still my wedding, not yours, just because you think your right doesnt mean I have to agree, trying to force something down my throat in regards to MY wedding is just plain rude. Im planning it, IM paying for it, meaning I get FINAL say on what happens, not you guys. I do appreciatte the advice I got, and I AM taking it into account and changed my plans because of it. I was SIMPLY asking a question because I did not KNOW.. but i still get final say when it all comes down to it.
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

Here's the thing though: Your phrasing was that you made it sound like you'd make room for them if others asked.

Bottom line is that hosting that way isn't appropriate at all.  You can disagree as much as you want but the bottom line is that you need to make it sound from the beginning as if all SOs are welcome.

If you opt to do otherwise it's fine.  It's your money and your choice.  But understand that making it sound like SOs are secondary guests is not appropritae etiquette.  And you can certainly act of free will when you're in charge but that doesn't mean that your actions are the appropriate ones.

stefaniewattie

thats fine, like i said, your opinion...!
and from having discussions with people I am close with (close coworkers, my MOH, parents and FI) THAT is what we are doing, even though the majority of the people I talked to OFF of TK said I didnt have to invite them to the rehearsal. I am taking the advice from here rather than theirs, and fighting with me on a forum over HOW I plan on wording something is well..pointless, im going to do what i want, and what is the norm here.

stefaniewattie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_plus-ones-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:5b14ea3f-d476-4163-aa82-e0608573fa9dPost:7929696b-8507-4402-8e27-639cefa97189">Re: plus ones for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to plus ones for rehearsal dinner? : Weaving through all the BS, the answers to your original questions are 1. Yes, you have to invite plus ones to your rehearsal and dinner, 2. Yes you should be budgeting for them and inviting them. And it's over.
Posted by AshLW[/QUOTE]

YES. and that is what we are doing, because THAT is what I wanted to know.simple.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_plus-ones-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:5b14ea3f-d476-4163-aa82-e0608573fa9dPost:a2a0b05b-c1df-459a-a82b-ee633ac34e3c">Re: plus ones for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]thats fine, like i said, your opinion...! and from having discussions with people I am close with (close coworkers, my MOH, parents and FI) THAT is what we are doing, even though the majority of the people I talked to OFF of TK said I didnt have to invite them to the rehearsal. I am taking the advice from here rather than theirs, and fighting with me on a forum over HOW I plan on wording something is well..pointless, im going to do what i want, and what is the norm here.
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]



They don't need to go to the rehearsal.  They need to be invited to the DINNER.

The point that you're not getting is that the norm may not be proper etiquette.  Do what you want.  I don't really care WHAT you do.  I care that you seem to think that for some reason you're wanting to insist that your norm is somehow correct.

stefaniewattie

the rehearsal and the dinner are THE SAME THING! they are 2 minutes from eachother and we are going directly from the rehearsal to my parents house, for MAYBE, an hour. then going our seperate ways.
I never said my norm was "correct" or "proper etiquette" I said it was the NORM, meaning what is NORMAL here, I wasnt asking you if how I was wording something was "PROPER"

banana468

The dinner and the rehearsal aren't the same thing.  One is the rehearsing of the event and the other is the social event.

That's akin to comparing the ceremony to the reception.  They're not.

If you only wanted to do the norm then why post your question in the first place?

stefaniewattie

I didnt know the answer when I asked... I asked on here, got your opinions as well as talking to other people, and receiving their opinions, I then decided to go against the "norm" and what people I am close with said and allow SO's to come if they wanted to. simple.
I got what I wanted..and I took the advice-even though I dont think it is necassary, I figured you all knew better than me because my #1 priority in life has not been wedding etiquette..
your the one that feels like I have to bend to your will and word it exactly as I "should" when I call them.. Maybe I will, maybe I wont, maybe im just convinced I wont solely because of how your talking to me at this moment, maybe I wont even call them, maybe ill send them a text or a facebook message telling them whats happening and when.. I dont know! The reason I dont know how im going to word it is because thats not what I was ASKING, because im not concerned with HOW im going to say something, 4 months before I say it, hell, I dont even have my vows written yet, let alone a word for word plan on telling the WP about the RD, I wanted to know if I should budget to have them, I now am. problem solved.

Dancecreationgrl

i would just give up on giving her advice. she obviously had her mind made up before she even posted. bottom line...the SO's need to be invited... if you don't then you are rude. 

stefaniewattie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_plus-ones-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:5b14ea3f-d476-4163-aa82-e0608573fa9dPost:7c146800-cfa9-4050-ae43-b7be370c3b11">Re: plus ones for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]i would just give up on giving her advice. she obviously had her mind made up before she even posted. bottom line...the SO's need to be invited... if you don't then you are rude. 
Posted by Dancecreationgrl[/QUOTE]

hense why I said they were being invited.... duh. but thanks for stating the obvious.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_plus-ones-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:5b14ea3f-d476-4163-aa82-e0608573fa9dPost:45c431e3-0ccc-4137-adb5-a611799953d2">Re: plus ones for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]my main reason for doubting it is we have a fairly large WP, 6 on each side, and both of us came from split families that remarried, and multiple siblings, so just the people that MUST be there totals almost <strong>30 people. :s and we are having it at my parents house-which isnt huge, very casual.... so if I allowed our entire WP to bring their date, that would be 12 extra people, not even included the extra food, I dont think there would be space</strong>! lol. So pretty much they would be coming to watch us rehearse and then come to my parents house to sit in a cramped area
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

Part of choosing such a large wedding party is planning what is entailed with that decision.  Flowers, thank you gifts, and inviting their plus ones to the RD.  You need to plan an RD that will accomodate all of them.  It would be really rude to not include them because you didn't plan properly.