Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette Party

This is my first post on a message board, so here goes!

My wedding is in the beginning of January, so not even 2 months away.  I have 2 maids of honor (my best friend in the world and my cousin who is more like a sister).  Neither of them have really done anything as far as the bachelorette party is concerned.  My cousin is out of town and in P.A. school, and my best friend is still in college and living at home – so neither really have much time or money.  I’m not about to request some lavish weekend away in Vegas, but I’d still like to know they are at least planning something, ya know?  What’s a tactful way of bringing this up? 
Also, what are some cheap bachelorette party ideas?  I want to have fun, but I don’t want to break anyone’s wallet over this.  I’m open to all idea’s except strippers! 
Thanks!

Re: Bachelorette Party

  • edited December 2011
    You shouldn't bring it up.  It might be a bummer, but nobody is required to throw you one.  
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  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Pre-wedding parties are not mandatory. No one is obligated to throw one for you and it is not appropriate to host your own. You may not get one.  That is ok.

    I did not have a bach. party.  No one offered.  I never asked, nor did I drop hints. 
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • edited December 2011
    Pre-wedding parties are not mandetory, but wanting one is totally natural :) Maybe they are just feeling the pressure to make it an expensive extravaganza and if they knew you woule be happy with something low cost, but fun something would happen. I had to plan an event for my sister on a small small budget and used the company Stray Boots. They had a great bachelorette themed scavenger hunt and it was so fun and a good match with my wallet!  https://www.strayboots.com/large-groups/birthdays-bachelorette-parties/
  • freebread03freebread03 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Cassie.  Unfortunately, nobody is required to throw you one, and it would be rude to ask.  However, there's nothing wrong with inviting your girls out to lunch/dinner/happy hour in a casual get-together sort of way.  Just don't call it a bachelorette party and don't expect anyone to host.  Like, "Anyone want to go to happy hour next Friday?  Thought it would be a fun way for us to hang out and catch up with all the crazyness" or something like that.
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto everyone. You can't ask; that would be rude. They're not (nor is anyone) required to throw you a bachelorette party or bridal shower. What you CAN do is simply get your friends together for a girls' night out. Do not make it about your wedding; just enjoy being with your friends and having fun before the wedding. Cheap ideas include having a potluck at someone's house, drinking and playing games, possibly going to a comedy club (Depending on price...we have one here that's pretty cheap), going shopping, etc.


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  • edited December 2011
    Okay so this is what  I expect from my MOH and Bridesmaids because it is tradition and kinda part of that deal when you ask these important ladies to be your BM and MOH (and it is stated in EVERY here's what the BM and MOH is responsible for list.) I printed out the list when I asked my girls and told them that a Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party were preferred but not a lavish expense.  I would just talk to them about it over girls night out or something. I don't think it's rude to ask about something that TRADITIONALLY is an important detail leading up to the wedding :)
  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-24?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:721b4e2f-7348-4e12-a57e-9b867086db32Post:167b4086-81f4-4d59-bfc5-10641281beaa">Re: Bachelorette Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so this is what  I expect from my MOH and Bridesmaids because it is tradition and kinda part of that deal when you ask these important ladies to be your BM and MOH (and it is stated in EVERY here's what the BM and MOH is responsible for list.) I printed out the list when I asked my girls and told them that a Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party were preferred but not a lavish expense.  I would just talk to them about it over girls night out or something. I don't think it's rude to ask about something that TRADITIONALLY is an important detail leading up to the wedding :)
    Posted by ewest7[/QUOTE]

    That's a really rude thing to do.  You ask people to be your attendants because of who they are. It's not appropriate to give them a list of things you expect them to do.  How would you feel if your FI gave you a list of things he expected from his wife?

    And calling the bachelorette something that's "TRADITIONAL" is rather incorrect.  They weren't even popular until the mid 80s. 
  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011


    The Knot's list of duties is crap.  The Knot, like everyone else in the wedding industry, is out to make money.  They do not give a fig about you once your wedding is over.  They don't care about the people you hurt along the way to the altar.

    You are not entitled to anything pre-wedding.  If no one offers, then you don't get them.  The Knot tells you that you are because they want you to buy from their vendors.  Period.  Movies tell you that you have to have one because they want to sell tickets. Period.

    Banana is correct.  They were not all the rage until the 80's when everyone was spending like crazy and things were over the top.

    Like I said, I did not have a bach. party.  No biggie.  My shower was 8 people and was cut short because we got word that a friend's son passed earlier that morning.  My shower lasted 45 minutes.  I never asked for another or a do over.  The first one was never expected and the circumstances that ended the shower way trumped any party.

    Not to mention, it is super crappy to pick your wedding party based on what they are going to give you.  Shallow much?  You are not entitled to anything.  Forcing people to throw you parties makes you look like a bridezilla and could cost your friendships.

    ROCK IS KING!!
  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-24?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:721b4e2f-7348-4e12-a57e-9b867086db32Post:167b4086-81f4-4d59-bfc5-10641281beaa">Re: Bachelorette Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so this is what  I expect from my MOH and Bridesmaids because it is tradition and kinda part of that deal when you ask these important ladies to be your BM and MOH (and it is stated in EVERY here's what the BM and MOH is responsible for list.) I printed out the list when I asked my girls and told them that a Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party were preferred but not a lavish expense.  I would just talk to them about it over girls night out or something. I don't think it's rude to ask about something that TRADITIONALLY is an important detail leading up to the wedding :)
    Posted by ewest7[/QUOTE]
    Those lists are full of BS.  You were way out of line to give your ladies lists of expected duties.



  • edited December 2011
    Ok, I understand what everyone is saying- that it is against the rules to bring up your own parties--but part of having a best friend and a sister is being able to break the rules with them!  So, I would bring it up, but in a round-about way. Perhaps say something like: 

    "Wow, I should have remembered that Christmas/Hanukah/other days of importance was so close to the wedding. I can't believe how quickly my calendar is filling up. I want to make sure I have plenty of time with you, too. Do you have any pre-wedding events that I should put on my calendar?"

  • edited December 2011
    well after 20 years I find them to be a tradition that is up held. And when I asked them to do these sorts of things they knew I wasn't being rude and that I was just trying to help them understand what I would like to see without them having to guess what I wanted. The role of a MOH and BM is to make sure everything is going to be in the Brides satisfaction while throwing her a little more fun.  and that is MY OPINION
  • edited December 2011

    I can see not planning your own bridal party... But your bachlorette party i feel you can absolutly help plan!! Its your bachlorette party, you should do something you love with all the girlies you love most :) I would just call them up and invite them out and ask them to help you plan the best night out ever!!  :)

  • vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-24?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:721b4e2f-7348-4e12-a57e-9b867086db32Post:8d16ae11-9e46-4e74-ae76-f32a1dd89639">Re: Bachelorette Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]@<strong> RetreadbrideI'm sorry you got married in 2006 why are you still on here being judemental?</strong> No one likes a Negative nancy. And I am entitled to my own opinion thank you. You should take your own advice here and find something better to do than harrass new brides with questions and a different perspective than you. My bridesmaids are my sisters and my best friends. They are on the same page with me and would tell me otherwise if they weren't, because we are friends. This is the most important day to every girl until they have their first child. So yes it is to the brides satisfaction because she will be the one with the pictures looking back and hopefully not regretting how things looked that day.
    Posted by ewest7[/QUOTE]

    This is completely uncalled for.  Retread is full of great advice.  She is not being a negative nancy.  She is right.  We hang around because we have the experience to answer the questions.  We are not advising brides on what we feel is right.  We advise them on what we know is right.  Who would you rather get advice from?  Someone who has been in your situation before or someone who has never experienced it?

      The fact that you don't want to believe that it is rude to demand parties from people does not make us mean.  You are wrong.  Demanding parties is bad etiquette.  Etiquette is not opinion.  It is fact.  Just because you think your circumstance is different does not change the fact that it is still rude to force people to spend money of you. 

    Treating family and friends like crap for a one-day party is inexcusable.  They may not be telling you to your face.  Maybe they are afraid you will fly off the handle because you have already made it known that you expect them to spend tons of money on you.

    There are so many things that are more important to some  women than a wedding, a shower or even having a baby.  Don't assume that every woman holds those things on a pedestal. 
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • rebecca+mattrebecca+matt member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow..... I didn't mean to cause so much controversy here!
    I probably should have clarified: My 2 maids of honor have already said they are so excited about planning the bachelorette party - a while ago.  I've heard nothing since.  So I'm not ASKING FOR a party.  I'm just wondering if it's ok to suggest what I'd like (as long as it's not expensive or ridiculous!). 
    Sorry to cause so much conflict!
  • edited December 2011

    LOL.

    @rebecca+matt, i dont think there's anything wrong with taking @ehassett's advice and asking them if you should plan for any pre-wedding events with them. A) If they've mentioned it before and haven't brought anything up abouit it, its possible they forgot. If it's because they can't do it, then that should be fine too. B)  asking about plans with them prior to your wedding day is not rude; it's practical.

    Hope this helps.

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