Bachelor Party Anxiety

rel1988

FI's best friend and best man is planning this huge Bachelor Party for the end of June where they will be gone 3 days--It is actually one of the weekends BM's and I all have free and might do a Bachelorette party. He hasn't told FI where they are going and FI just found out from other GM yesterday which dates they were actually going.

My sis (and MOH) is currently working on planning the shower and hasn't mentioned anything about a Bachelorette party recently. Last time she did bring it up she was thinking about going up to Wisconsin Dells for a weekend. A couple of my BM's are on a tight budget this summer so I don't know if this would be do-able though. Also for all I know my sis has a lot on her plate right now anyways as she is graduating college in May and she might not even have time to plan a Bachelorette party which I understand.

This whole situation is just starting to wear on me because FI brings up his Bachelor party daily, whereas I'm basically planning this whole wedding. I get he's excited, but hello the wedding itself is the bigger picture here. Also his best man is a great guy, but he broke up with his live-in gf a couple months ago and he has been having one-night stands regularly and has this huge party attitude now, so I'm kind of nervous about what he has planned. He keeps telling FI it is going to top their college spring break trip which consisted of picking up girls, getting wasted and more one-night stands...so I can only imagine. I trust FI completely, but I have seen him completely hammered a couple times and I'm worried about what might happen if he is drunk to the point of not knowing what is going on.

Like I said, FI doesn't know exactly where they are going. He did mention it might also be the Dells. If that is what my sis is still planning on doing, should I ask best man where he is planning on going? As I mentioned before there is a good chance if I do have one it would be that same weekend-or at least that Sat-and we would all be in the same spot at the same time as the Bachelor party. I probably sound really selfish, but I guess it's just a combination of worrying about what they are doing and me being a little jealous that he has this big, awesome bachelor party planned when I don't even know if I will have one, not to mention a little jealous he talks about 24/7 and takes more of an interest in this than helping me plan.

 

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-anxiety-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:774756b8-911b-4bc9-836e-e4d34998cd68Post:ec77d404-6c9a-412c-8335-f150d51c0bfb">Bachelor Party Anxiety</a>:
[QUOTE]FI's best friend and best man is planning this huge Bachelor Party for the end of June where they will be gone 3 days--It is actually one of the weekends BM's and I all have free and might do a Bachelorette party. He hasn't told FI where they are going and FI just found out from other GM yesterday which dates they were actually going. My sis (and MOH) is currently working on planning the shower and hasn't mentioned anything about a Bachelorette party recently. Last time she did bring it up she was thinking about going up to Wisconsin Dells for a weekend. A couple of my BM's are on a tight budget this summer so I don't know if this would be do-able though. Also for all I know my sis has a lot on her plate right now anyways as she is graduating college in May and she might not even have time to plan a Bachelorette party which I understand. This whole situation is just starting to wear on me because FI brings up his Bachelor party daily, whereas I'm basically planning this whole wedding. I get he's excited, but hello the wedding itself is the bigger picture here. <strong>Also his best man is a great guy, but he broke up with his live-in gf a couple months ago and he has been having one-night stands regularly and has this huge party attitude now, so I'm kind of nervous about what he has planned. He keeps telling FI it is going to top their college spring break trip which consisted of picking up girls, getting wasted and more one-night stands...so I can only imagine. I trust FI completely, but I have seen him completely hammered a couple times and I'm worried about what might happen if he is drunk to the point of not knowing what is going on.</strong> Like I said, FI doesn't know exactly where they are going. He did mention it might also be the Dells. If that is what my sis is still planning on doing, should I ask best man where he is planning on going? As I mentioned before there is a good chance if I do have one it would be that same weekend-or at least that Sat-and we would all be in the same spot at the same time as the Bachelor party. I probably sound really selfish, but I guess it's just a combination of worrying about what they are doing and me being a little jealous that he has this big, awesome bachelor party planned when I don't even know if I will have one, not to mention a little jealous he talks about 24/7 and takes more of an interest in this than helping me plan.  
Posted by rel1988[/QUOTE]
To the bolded, that shouldn't matter. You say you trust him completely, but then you contradict yourself. You are saying you trust him unless he's hammered. <div>
</div><div>I get being jealous if you might not get a party. I would be, too. Next time your fiance talks about it, you should tell him that you'd appreciate him showing a little more enthusiasm about the wedding as opposed to this party and that you'd appreciate him not talking about it so much b/c you might not get a party and it makes you envious. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm torn on asking the best man the plans. On the one hand, a group outing could be fun, but on the other, that's not really a "bachelor" or "bachelorette" party. That's just a regular weekend with a group of friends, you know? </div><div>
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rel1988

Yes FI and I wouldn't mind combining, but I don't want to force that on everyone else. Guys need to have their "guy" time and if I do have a bachelorette party I don't expect my friends to hang around me and my FI. FI said I could ask him, and it might ease my mind a little if I knew where they were going but I don't want to look crazy.

Thanks for not thinking I'm being a selfish, self-absorbed brat for being jealous I might not get one   I'm sure I will at least get a simple night out, which is ok with me, but yes I'll still be a little jealous that he has this whole fun weekend away planned and I don't.

AddieCake

Oh, I'd be extremely jealous if I didn't get one. I got lucky.  My bachelorette party was way better than my husband's bachelor party. Hahaha!

rel1988

Haha nice! A lot of this wedding planning has made me feel self-conscious e.g. most of the guest list is primarily his. He has lived in the same small town (less than 2k) his entire life and I have moved a LOT growing up. It's just hard to remain in contact with friends as a kid, even HS when you're constantly moving around. Then I moved out here and met him a year and a half ago, and yes his friends have become my friends too and I've made girlfriends...I just don't have that super close bond of 20+ years of friendship he has with his. So sometimes I feel like a giant loser with no friends haha

Peledreamsofrain

I'm worried about the contradiction here too.  If your FI knows that he 'can't be trusted' when he's had too much to drink, then why is this bachelor party centered around it?  A good man would say "whoah, I have issues when I drink too much, and I don't want to do something aweful.  Best man, let's plan something else other than just getting sloshed"

I don't think you should feel bad about feeling jealous.  I had a really aweful bachelorette party because I had had food poisoning the day before, and could do barely more than clutch my chair and watch others have fun.  I am jealous that my husband had a much better time at his party.  However, I don't let that bleed into my actions or behavior towards him.

rel1988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-anxiety-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:774756b8-911b-4bc9-836e-e4d34998cd68Post:2cfca019-8883-4389-97f7-87efdb5ad7d3">Re: Bachelor Party Anxiety</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm worried about the contradiction here too.  <strong>If your FI knows that he 'can't be trusted' when he's had too much to drink, then why is this bachelor party centered around it?  A good man would say "whoah, I have issues when I drink too much, and I don't want to do something aweful.</strong>  Best man, let's plan something else other than just getting sloshed" I don't think you should feel bad about feeling jealous.  I had a really aweful bachelorette party because I had had food poisoning the day before, and could do barely more than clutch my chair and watch others have fun.  I am jealous that my husband had a much better time at his party.  However, I don't let that bleed into my actions or behavior towards him.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Please don't get the idea FI drinks himself stupid a lot...FAR from it. I've only seen him drunk twice and only once was really bad. I had to pick him up from a friend's bachelor party. He couldn't tell up from down or even stand/sit up from drinking all day...and knowing how his college buddies are especially they will try and get him that drunk again. I trust him completely not to cheat or something like that, I mean more in the sense of them being safely responsible. FI is almost always the one to drive and be that responsible one...with him being that drunk I'm nervous about all of them getting back safely esp since it will be out of town and for multiple nights. I know, I know I just have riduclous mother-hen syndrome.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-anxiety-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:774756b8-911b-4bc9-836e-e4d34998cd68Post:ec77d404-6c9a-412c-8335-f150d51c0bfb">Bachelor Party Anxiety</a>:
[QUOTE] I trust FI completely, but I have seen him completely hammered a couple times and I'm worried about what might happen if he is drunk to the point of not knowing what is going on.  
Posted by rel1988[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You say you trust him completely, but then you contradict yourself in the next sentence. I think blocking him from going to the bach party or forcing a joint party sets a very bad precedent. I would feel resentful if I had a party planned with my girlfriends and my FI wouldn't let me go, let me go but made a BFD about it, or forced an invite for himself. You should be able to do fun things separately with your friends (and he sounds VERY excited about this trip) without  being worried. If you are, there are bigger trust issues.

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Knottie1464879500

You have some time for someone to step up for a bachelorette party. I'm just under 3 months away and my MOH just started planning it. 

rel1988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelor-party-anxiety-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:774756b8-911b-4bc9-836e-e4d34998cd68Post:8b02e896-b7aa-46dd-938b-cd587c494094">Re: Bachelor Party Anxiety</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's a contradiction, necessarily.  She can trust her fiance without trusting FOR HIS WELFARE while in the company of his creep friends. Some friends are just jerks.  "Friends" like that have been known to get the bartender to slip in doubles if they know their pal wants to moderate, because they think it's funny to trick them into getting drunk.  This "Best" Man sounds douchey enough to do that.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Yes this is what I mean...thanks for clarifying! It's not an infidelity issue AT ALL. I'm worried about safety issues esp being that FI is always the designated driver and with them being out of town they won't have anyone around to help if need be. I just know how some of these guys are---still get black out drunk like college students. He has 2 OOT friends that are very responsible so hopefully they can make it because I will feel better in that sense.
 
BTW--Love that you said "asshat". One of my favorite words! 

ashley14598

My FI best man was all excited about planning his bachelorette party! My FI requested golfing and a Reds baseball game all of which I was cool with. My MOH has been my best friend since 1st grade and we have fairly similar views on bachelor parties/strip clubs/etc. she mentioned that maybe we just meet up with the guys after their game. FI and I discussed it and we were both excited about it! We have 6 BM, a MOH, a matron of honor, 2 BM, and 6 GM some are out of town and can't come and some married/engaged to people that aren't in the bridal party so we are inviting their significant others as well! Everyone is pretty excited about it and even those that are single. We are doing girl stuff/going to dinner while they do their guy stuff and we are all meeting up afterwards : we are staying seperately girls/guys in the same hotel. I'm sure in reality your FI wants what is best for you and if your not comfortable with something just talk to him about it! Make your expectations clear and he will respect you enough to help you from worrying ... I completely understand how you feel I think that's why so many of my friends have done it together... But maybe this might help you come up with another idea

rel1988

Retread--thank you!! Can't wait for it to come in!!

Ashley--that does sound like fun!! I would love to go to a Cubbies game or something like that. Sounds like you have a fun group of friends and it's awesome they are all excited about doing something together to end the night!! I completely understand most of my bridal party is short on cash this summer so like I said, just a little bummed because I'm not sure yet what will happen. FI is super shy and has mentioned me multiple times he would be super uncomfortable at a strip club, but who knows where best man will take them. I feel kinda bad actually...it's his bachelor party and if they do have a raunchy one its going to be because that's what his friends want to do, not him.

ashley14598

Yeah I can see where that would be frustrating but in the end it's just for fun anyways ... If your FI doesn't want to go to a strip club then he should make that clear with this BM in all honesty his best man probly already knows him well enough to know he wouldn't enjoy it. Since everyone is short on cash maybe you could do something at someone's home the night before the wedding ... At my cousins wedding the rehearsal was on Friday morning and then we had brunch and then the girls went to dinner all dressed up and then just hung out that night for an at home girls night. You could always just do it after the rehearsal dinner if you can't make it a different time that day. Hopefully then you could at least get together for bit I mean obviously you wouldn't want to get crazy the night before your big day but it could just be something fun to hang out with your girls