Bachelorette Party Help

AM26561

I am MOH and am working with my fellow maids to plan a bachelorette party.  From the start the bride has wanted a destination bachelorette, which I am happy to give her.  She provided dates she is available and we have chatted about different location possibilities.  Many of the invitees are in one location and they could drive to many of her suggested destinations, while the other half will have to fly in.  This combined with hotels, food, activities, etc. has made me cost conscious from the start.  It would be cheaper to keep it where the majority live (no hotels and flights are cheaper for most), but the bride doesn't want it where she lives because she doesn't want to run into people she knows.  She has since messaged me with some suggestions of what she would like to do during the weekend, and asked me to look into them.  They certainly aren't cheap.  She says she realizes how expensive this could be for some, but is still certain she wants it to be a destination weekend.  I really don't want to let her down if she has certain ideas about her bach. party, but I also don't want to break the bank (mine or anyone elses).

My questions:
1.) How do I politely tell her to leave the planning to me and the other maids?  (I know it's not a bachelorette party if she plans it...it's just a party.)
2.) What have been your experiences with juggling what a bride wants in a party and what you're able to give her?

Rose213

In Response to Bachelorette Party Help:


Hi there!
I am actually struggling with a similar situation right now as well. I am also a MOH, and my bride is pretty much insisting on going out of town (and potentially out of country!) for her bachelorette party. Her ideas that she is giving me is (by my appriximation) going to cost me $1,500. The major problem with this is that I have just finished school and do not have full time employment yet.  And another bridesmaid feels the same. I would hate to miss out on her bachelorette party because of a lack of money.

Is it okay if I tell her I can't go to it if it is out of town? I am more than willing to give her a fantastic bachellorette party in town. Isn't the MOH responsible for this? Since I am planning it, I am responsible for where it is held?

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-help-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:975609b4-08ea-4b71-8205-f149cb3153a5Post:976dab46-7e1a-45c1-815d-ff3cb404313c">Bachelorette Party Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I am MOH and am working with my fellow maids to plan a bachelorette party.  From the start the bride has wanted a destination bachelorette, which I am happy to give her.  She provided dates she is available and we have chatted about different location possibilities.  Many of the invitees are in one location and they could drive to many of her suggested destinations, while the other half will have to fly in.  This combined with hotels, food, activities, etc. has made me cost conscious from the start.  It would be cheaper to keep it where the majority live (no hotels and flights are cheaper for most), but the bride doesn't want it where she lives because she doesn't want to run into people she knows.  She has since messaged me with some suggestions of what she would like to do during the weekend, and asked me to look into them.  They certainly aren't cheap.  She says she realizes how expensive this could be for some, but is still certain she wants it to be a destination weekend.  I really don't want to let her down if she has certain ideas about her bach. party, but I also don't want to break the bank (mine or anyone elses). My questions: 1.) How do I politely tell her to leave the planning to me and the other maids?  (I know it's not a bachelorette party if she plans it...it's just a party.) 2.) What have been your experiences with juggling what a bride wants in a party and what you're able to give her?
Posted by AM26561[/QUOTE]

You just have to say no. My daughter said no to the bride last September and I was so proud of her. Tell the bride she can plan her own girls away weekend but the party you are planning is going to be such and such.

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-help-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:975609b4-08ea-4b71-8205-f149cb3153a5Post:88fb6c18-ae7a-4f19-bc87-48ff1941ceba">Re: Bachelorette Party Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bachelorette Party Help : Hi there! I am actually struggling with a similar situation right now as well. I am also a MOH, and my bride is pretty much insisting on going out of town (and potentially out of country!) for her bachelorette party. Her ideas that she is giving me is (by my appriximation) going to cost me $1,500. The major problem with this is that I have just finished school and do not have full time employment yet.  And another bridesmaid feels the same. I would hate to miss out on her bachelorette party because of a lack of money. Is it okay if I tell her I can't go to it if it is out of town? I am more than willing to give her a fantastic bachellorette party in town. Isn't the MOH responsible for this? Since I am planning it, I am responsible for where it is held?
Posted by Rose213[/QUOTE]

Rose, I feel so badly for you and AM with these crazy brides. See post above.

Jager1219

MOH isn't necessarily the person who plans the bachlorette party.  It obviously shouldn't be the bride, but it could be another BM.

And Rose - yes, you absolutely have every right to say sorry, I can't come.  As a bride who's having a destination bachlorette party (involving a flight), mine has been planned knowing that many couldn't attend (including some of my BMs).  I also am fully contributing to the cost (paying for my own flight and share of the hotel room).

Sorry AM though because I don't have much advice for you other than to make sure that the bride is going into this with the correct expectations (that most people won't be able to attend and she should expect to be paying her share - if people pitch in for her, that's an added bonus, not the expectation).

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bachelorette-party-help-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:975609b4-08ea-4b71-8205-f149cb3153a5Post:976dab46-7e1a-45c1-815d-ff3cb404313c">Bachelorette Party Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I am MOH and am working with my fellow maids to plan a bachelorette party.  From the start the bride has wanted a destination bachelorette, which I am happy to give her.  She provided dates she is available and we have chatted about different location possibilities.  Many of the invitees are in one location and they could drive to many of her suggested destinations, while the other half will have to fly in.  This combined with hotels, food, activities, etc. has made me cost conscious from the start.  It would be cheaper to keep it where the majority live (no hotels and flights are cheaper for most), but the bride doesn't want it where she lives because she doesn't want to run into people she knows.  She has since messaged me with some suggestions of what she would like to do during the weekend, and asked me to look into them.  They certainly aren't cheap. <strong> She says she realizes how expensive this could be for some, but is still certain she wants it to be a destination weekend.</strong>  I really don't want to let her down if she has certain ideas about her bach. party, but I also don't want to break the bank (mine or anyone elses). My questions: 1.) How do I politely tell her to leave the planning to me and the other maids?  (I know it's not a bachelorette party if she plans it...it's just a party.) 2.) What have been your experiences with juggling what a bride wants in a party and what you're able to give her?
Posted by AM26561[/QUOTE]
Try telling her it's too expensive for everyone. Surely there is a place far away enough where she probably won't run into anyone she knows, but clsoe enough that it won't break the bank. If she can't compromise, let her know you'll be unable to attend.

<strong>1.) How do I politely tell her to leave the planning to me and the other maids?  (I know it's not a bachelorette party if she plans it...it's just a party.) </strong>
Bride, we all love you and want this trip to be fun, but these locations are out of our budget. X is within our budget.


<strong>2.) What have been your experiences with juggling what a bride wants in a party and what you're able to give her?</strong>
My friend, the bride, wanted to rent a limo and go club hopping in the city. Only two of us were even old enough to get into said bars, so the entire cost would have fallen on us. Plus, I hate clubs and so does the bride, for that matter. I realized that all she really wanted to do was get away for the eveing and get drunk. So, we took her to an amazing restaurant fairly closer in location (I drove) and got her drunk there. Good times. :)

bchinchilla

Honesty is the best policy.  Coming from a bride's perspective, I would be horrified if I found out later that someone, or everyone couldn't afford my bach. party and they did it anyway rather than telling me the truth.  In my situation, none of my bridal party has much in the way of cash so my lovely groom has offered to chip in too.  This only happened because we all talked about the costs of even a good night out being out of some people's budgets. 

Be honest, and approach her one on one instead of a gang and be prepared for some weird bridezilla moment that has nothing to do with what you're saying and everything to do with that she has 110 other things to worry about.  And then plan her a night-to-remember that you can afford!

QueenOfTheSea

I'm not sure the best way to phrase it, but essentially you need to remind her that the bach. party that you are throwing her is a gift from you (and the other BMs) and a party in her honor.  This isn't something that you, by any means, HAVE to do, but rather something you want to do, and she is in no way entitled to it.  She is very lucky to have such great friends that care about her and WANT to throw her this party that she will love; honestly beggars can't be choosers-she's getting a party and that's all that matters!

Maybe try to say it like this: "Bride, I understand why you want to go to (said town/country) for your party and make it a whole weekend trip and your motives for that, but in all honesty, after looking into it, it seems to be out of many of our budgets.  If you will let me, I would love to throw you a wonderful party, as a gift to you, where we stay a little closer to home and I will do everything in my power to ensure that we won't run into anyone else you know."  If that's not ok with her, then simple tell her "I'm sorry that you feel that way, but given the circumstances in my life and my own personal finances, I can not afford to attend an out of town/country party.  I really hope you understand that.  If someone else is wants to throw you this party and would like the information that I have from looking into your suggestions, I am more than willing to pass it along to them."

Hopefully that helps!  And if she complains about not getting the party she wants, send her here and I'm sure that someone around here will be more blunt with her about being happy she gets one at all!  Good luck!