Pre-wedding Parties

Can I invite people to my shower who are only invited to my wedding reception?

We are having our wedding ceremony in a very small church, so some of our guests (mostly  coworkers) will only be invited to the reception and not the ceremony.  For the bridal shower, is it ok to invite people who we are only inviting to the wedding reception or do we have to limit ourselves to people who are going to be invited to the ceremony and reception?  I think if it were me, I'd like to go to the shower even if I'm not invited to the ceremony because wedding showers are fun, but I'm not sure everyone would agree.

Re: Can I invite people to my shower who are only invited to my wedding reception?

  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No, and this really isn't a good idea to begin with.  It's one thing if your ceremony is extremely small (as in, immediate family only), but if the majority of your guests are invited to the ceremony and then you just add on a few co-workers to the reception but not the ceremony, it's pretty rude.
    Married 10/2/10
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_can-invite-people-shower-only-invited-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9938ff48-47a2-43e6-92b3-ec94160d2faePost:9ced67c3-094f-47e4-ac55-9d5dfbf7aea7">Re: Can I invite people to my shower who are only invited to my wedding reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's fine to invite them to the shower if they are also invited to the reception. To the PP: it's not a faux pas to have a small ceremony and a larger reception. What wouldn't be acceptable is if she was having a ceremony with no reception, or inviting guests who weren't invited to either to her shower.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I know that's the e-hell position, but people WILL absolutely be offended if you invite 100 people to the ceremony and 150 people to the reception, and IMO they will be perfectly justified in being so offended.
    Married 10/2/10
  • edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I invite people to my shower who are only invited to my wedding reception? : I know that's the e-hell position, but people WILL absolutely be offended if you invite 100 people to the ceremony and 150 people to the reception, and IMO they will be perfectly justified in being so offended.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]
    I think so too.
    RetreadBride, ordinarily I'd agree with what you said but it doesn't sound like that's the case here.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_can-invite-people-shower-only-invited-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9938ff48-47a2-43e6-92b3-ec94160d2faePost:ae5ad801-f44e-49b1-a892-f7f6240a03f8">Can I invite people to my shower who are only invited to my wedding reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having our wedding ceremony in a very small church, so some of our guests (mostly  coworkers) will only be invited to the reception and not the ceremony.  For the bridal shower, is it ok to invite people who we are only inviting to the wedding reception or do we have to limit ourselves to people who are going to be invited to the ceremony and reception?  I think if it were me, I'd like to go to the shower even if I'm not invited to the ceremony because wedding showers are fun, but I'm not sure everyone would agree.
    Posted by camillachameleon[/QUOTE]


    If you can't invite everyone to the ceremony AND reception you should find a bigger ceremony venue or make a smaller guest list. It's very rude to invite someone to the party but not the main event. So assuming everyone will be invited to both the ceremony and reception you can invite them all to your bridal shower.
    image
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  • edited December 2011
    I would be insulted. The reception is a thank you for attending and witnessing the marriage ceremony. I would feel like I wasn't good enough to see the main event, but I was more than welcome to attend the reception and bring a gift. If it's part of your religion like you stated, then I understand that I'm not allowed in the temple because I'm not part of the religious community, but if you're purposely excluding people because of space, that's really not acceptable. Also, if your only have parents and siblings at the ceremony and then a much larger reception, I think that's okay.  Then you're not picking and choosing, you just want immediate family.
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  • edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]It has NEVER been a faux pas to invite some to the reception but not the ceremony; it's always been a huge faux pas to invite some to the ceremony but not the reception. Some denominations make this mandatory; only members are allowed to attend LDS temple weddings, for example, while anyone can attend the reception. The reception is FOR the guests, so they are in no way insulted by this.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    I've always read differently (re reception but not ceremony I mean). That unless there is a religious requirement (like you mentioned), or in the case of a *very* small intimate ceremony, it's rude. I don't think those two exceptions qualify as having "never been a faux pas".

    I would be insulted too, unless it were one of those two cases.
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_can-invite-people-shower-only-invited-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9938ff48-47a2-43e6-92b3-ec94160d2faePost:e5c8d305-2be4-4a6e-8794-aada39bf4592">Re: Can I invite people to my shower who are only invited to my wedding reception?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be insulted. The reception is a thank you for attending and witnessing the marriage ceremony. I would feel like I wasn't good enough to see the main event, but I was more than welcome to attend the reception and bring a gift. If it's part of your religion like you stated, then I understand that I'm not allowed in the temple because I'm not part of the religious community, but if you're purposely excluding people because of space, that's really not acceptable. Also, if your only have parents and siblings at the ceremony and then a much larger reception, I think that's okay.  Then you're not picking and choosing, you just want immediate family.
    Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.
    image
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The reception is FOR the guests, so they are in no way insulted by this.

    This is just not true.  Regardless of the "official" stance, people absolutely ARE insulted by this.
    Married 10/2/10
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    retread:  while I nearly always agree with you, on this one I disagree.  I think a reception IS for the guests who attended your wedding.  So if I'm not wanted at the ceremony, then I'm not interested in the reception. 

    And if I'm not invited to the wedding ceremony, then IMO, I shouldn't be invited to a shower for a wedding I'm not part of.

    The single only possibility (and I would still be miffed) is if the B&G have a ceremony with only their parents and perhaps siblings.  But again, IMO, you have the ceremony you choose.  And you live with the consequences of that decision.

    You want only parents and siblings?  Fine.  But then you don't throw a big reception, and you give up pre-wedding parties.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Totally agree with TRIX:
     I think a reception IS for the guests who attended your wedding.  So if I'm not wanted at the ceremony, then I'm not interested in the reception. 

    And if I'm not invited to the wedding ceremony, then IMO, I shouldn't be invited to a shower for a wedding I'm not part of.

    The single only possibility (and I would still be miffed) is if the B&G have a ceremony with only their parents and perhaps siblings.  But again, IMO, you have the ceremony you choose.  And you live with the consequences of that decision.

    You want only parents and siblings?  Fine.  But then you don't throw a big reception, and you give up pre-wedding parties.

    We had only parents and siblings - total of 25 in the room, including bride and groom.  And we had no pre-wedding parties, and the reception was with ONLY those 25 people.

    Your co-workers who are NOT invited to the ceremony will think that the only reason they got invited to the reception was because you wanted to score some really great gifts from more people.  And that's just rude.
  • chuygrl77chuygrl77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My co-workers that I am close with (even though it is improper ettitquite and I am guilty of breaking this rule) are fine with a reception only invite. 

    Believe me, I agree with the small ceremony/big reception no-no but my co-workers wanted in on the party fun and I told them this was all I could offer.  I feel bad but they insisted on being part of the reception.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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