Large Bridal Shower guest list - some questions

leeloolyndsie

I have heard different opinions on who to invite to your bridal shower, but to be on the "safe" side I went with: all girl family (of which all our out of town but my mom and FMIL, no siblings), my mom's female friends and my female friends (in town and a few out of towners). This has made my guest list for the shower quite large, around 60 people (of that ~45 actually live in town). Granted, our wedding guest list is also large - about 240 adults (over 13).  So...

1). Is that too big?

2). Do I need to invite out of town family? (I'm asking this b/c I wasn't going to but then my FI's aunt in Texas asked about the shower b/c she wanted to send me a gift but I don't think she'd travel here).

3). Would it be a problem to have the shower at a restaurant?My MOH and BM want to do this but I'm reluctant  b/c I don't really want to ask people to pay for their own meals AND give me gifts but since it's a larger list and we all live in apartments (or aren't willing to let us use her house like one of my BMs.....) there aren't a lot of options.

4). Would it be better to rent out a community center somewhere? And if we did, could we do a potluck? And who would pay rental fees?

LeiselEB

I'm going to guess that your bridesmaids are hosting since you mentioned your MOH and BM in the post - if you are hosting, I'm afraid that's an etiquette no-no. Someone else needs to host the shower for you if you have one. If no one offers to host then unfortunately it would be rude to host your own shower.

My largest shower will have about 35 guests, but I'm having three showers total, so I understand that it's hard to limit it. 60 sounds like it could be a lot, but your hosts need to be the ones to set limits on the list. Ask them how many they can accommodate. Another reason you might want to limit it is because it can take a LONG time to open presents, and gifts from 60 people could take forever. That's boring for everyone, and you should be opening presents at the shower, not just taking them home.

I would invite out of town relatives if you are close to them. Showers are for your nearest and dearest, not every single female on the guest list. 

It's fine to have a shower at a restaurant BUT the hosts need to provide food if the shower is at a meal time. If at a non meal time, providing some light snacks and at least a few beverage options. Guests should not have to pay for their own food. 

Having it at a community center or elsewhere is fine. A potluck is not appropriate for a shower, but the hosts can provide casual food (BBQ, or just desserts) if you don't want to be fancy. You shouldn't expect guests to both bring you a gift AND bring their own food. Rental fees should be paid by the hosts. Guests should not have to pay any fees (not sure if you were thinking of that, but I'm mentioning just in case). 

Hope this helps!

cupcakeluv20850

You absolutely should invite all out of town family and friends that YOU want to so that they will feel included!!!! Everyone knows they will not be traveling to the shower...this helps the out of town guests to know where you are registered (since you can't put that in the actual wedding invite) and they will send a gift if they like!

jashleya

Every shower I have ever been to has been potluck style.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_large-bridal-shower-guest-list-some-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a4861a25-5db7-41dd-8a48-9420ea360d03Post:ab3de241-1b4d-41aa-bf8e-4a2caa8695f3">Large Bridal Shower guest list - some questions</a>:
[QUOTE]I have heard different opinions on who to invite to your bridal shower, but to be on the "safe" side I went with: all girl family (of which all our out of town but my mom and FMIL, no siblings), my mom's female friends and my female friends (in town and a few out of towners). This has made my guest list for the shower quite large, around 60 people (of that ~45 actually live in town). Granted, our wedding guest list is also large - about 240 adults (over 13).  So... 1). Is that too big?

<strong>The host is the one who decides on the number of guests for the shower, based on her budget and preference. You do not have to include every female relative on the wedding guest list. In my area, it is not uncommon to have 60 guests at a shower, but I prefer smaller more intimate showers. Anyone, except the bride or groom, may host a shower or bachelor party. </strong>

2). Do I need to invite out of town family? (I'm asking this b/c I wasn't going to but then my FI's aunt in Texas asked about the shower b/c she wanted to send me a gift but I don't think she'd travel here).

<strong>This is tricky. In some families, it is regarded as gift grabby to invite those who you know will not be able to attend the shower because of distance. In other families, it is considered offensive to leave out close family members-no matter how far away they live. Since the aunt seems to want a shower invitation, you should send her one. Also, check with your FMIL on her families tradition, in regard to this. I can imagine it snowballing if you invite the one aunt and not others with similar expectations. Once again, don't forget the host has the final say on the number of guests.
</strong>
3). Would it be a problem to have the shower at a restaurant?My MOH and BM want to do this but I'm reluctant  b/c I don't really want to ask people to pay for their own meals AND give me gifts but since it's a larger list and we all live in apartments (or aren't willing to let us use her house like one of my BMs.....) there aren't a lot of options.

<strong>The host must provide (pay for) the shower refreshments. There is no way around it. There is nothing wrong with a restaurant shower, but the guests should not be expected to pay their own way. The host should work within her budget to determine what she can provide. Cake and punch is acceptable and from what I have seen here, it is the norm in some areas.</strong>

4). Would it be better to rent out a community center somewhere? And if we did, could we do a potluck? And who would pay rental fees?
Posted by leeloolyndsie[/QUOTE]

<strong>The host (or hosts) would be responsible for paying any fees. No problem with a community center. Potluck is not acceptable. In our area there are some low cost spaces available to residents. The public library has social rooms, one park rents out a pagoda with picnic tables, another has a community room available, churches rent out their facilities to members for the cost of janitorial fees, many apartment (including senior citizen apartments) and condominium complexes have facilities for residents to use. </strong>

In regards to another poster's comment:
If anyone wants to know where a couple is registered, all they have to do is ask the bride or groom's mothers or do an online search of local bridal registries. There's no need to send out mailers.

EandK2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_large-bridal-shower-guest-list-some-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a4861a25-5db7-41dd-8a48-9420ea360d03Post:ab3de241-1b4d-41aa-bf8e-4a2caa8695f3">Large Bridal Shower guest list - some questions</a>:
[QUOTE]I have heard different opinions on who to invite to your bridal shower, but to be on the "safe" side I went with: all girl family (of which all our out of town but my mom and FMIL, no siblings), my mom's female friends and my female friends (in town and a few out of towners). This has made my guest list for the shower quite large, around 60 people (of that ~45 actually live in town). Granted, our wedding guest list is also large - about 240 adults (over 13).  So... 1). Is that too big? 2). Do I need to invite out of town family? (I'm asking this b/c I wasn't going to but then my FI's aunt in Texas asked about the shower b/c she wanted to send me a gift but I don't think she'd travel here). 3). Would it be a problem to have the shower at a restaurant?My MOH and BM want to do this but I'm reluctant  b/c I don't really want to ask people to pay for their own meals AND give me gifts but since it's a larger list and we all live in apartments (or aren't willing to let us use her house like one of my BMs.....) there aren't a lot of options. 4). Would it be better to rent out a community center somewhere? And if we did, could we do a potluck? And who would pay rental fees?
Posted by leeloolyndsie[/QUOTE]



1.  60 isn't that big becuase the rule of thumb is of the # invited, about 70% of them will come. because you're inviting out of towners, that # is probably going to go down.  i invited 55 to mine... and i'm expecting about 40. 

2. i only invited local family (anyone that lives in CA), family-friends, and friends/BP. My mom mentioned inviting out of towners only so that i would get a gift, but i opted out of that. 

3.  shower @ restaurant is OK.  don't ask people to pay for their own meals.  but, you can (or your MOH) set up a menu usually at restaurants and you can pick less expensive things like a basic pasta, or chicken dish.  this may keep costs down.  that is what my sister in law's MOHs did for her, and no one complained.

4.  renting a place out is a good option.  i think a potlock is not a great idea, but maybe if you have your bridal party, mom, and mother in law make some stuff that would be ok and it could be their gift to you.  With 2 moms and a handful of brides maids all of your food needs should be covered, and the rest of the guests can enjoy :) any fees should be split by bridal party (KEEP THEM AS LOW AS POSSIBLE) Or, your parents can pay for it.


Don't host your own shower... I started planning mine and my mom and MOH got mad that i took over their duty!! Lol... Most people like helping with the wedding process, so let them help!