Early shower?

mica178

My FMIL and some other future in-laws are coming to town in May to meet my family and start checking out rehearsal dinner venues.  My FMIL (very strongly)  suggested that I should have my bridal shower during that time.

My wedding isn't until October.  My MOH plans on having my shower in July/August.  When I told her about my FMIL, she pretty much told me that she can't do the shower in May (I don't blame her -- it's only two months away and she is also OOT although at least in the same state as me).

Now my fiance thinks my MOH is being selfish for not considering the convenience of my FMIL, who lives across the country from us and likely won't be able to come out to a later bridal shower.  I've explained to him that the bride-to-be isn't supposed to throw her own shower, so trying to force a much earlier date on my MOH is inconsiderate.  I told the same to my FMIL, and she said that since I'm the bride, whatever I ask for should go, so if "I" want an early shower, my MOH should comply.

FYI: my FMIL hasn't yet been the MOB, so I'm not sure if she knows the etiquette behind bridal showers.  Furthermore, her other daughters-in-law live much closer to her, so traveling to the wedding/shower/etc hasn't been an issue.

Thoughts?  I don't want to offend anyone.  Obviously I'm grateful that my FMIL is so excited about the wedding, is offering to host the rehearsal dinner, is interested in attending the pre-wedding parties.  But...

banana468

Tell DH that you're backing off.  Ideally it would be great if everyone can attend but that's for the MOH and FMIL to work out - and not for the two of you to be involved in aside from knowing when to show up.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_early-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:e9ac2cfc-8324-43a9-9fd4-5a57d10c5d02Post:13699b3e-da3f-4e54-926f-9e485f437a65">Early shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Now my fiance thinks my MOH is being selfish for not considering the convenience of my FMIL, who lives across the country from us and likely won't be able to come out to a later bridal shower.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Uh, does he also think FMIL is being selfish for not considering the convenience of MOH?  If MOH is hosting the shower then the details are up to her.  If FMIL doesn't like it, then she can offer to host another shower for you.

KatyRoseM

if FMIL cares about a shower that much she can host one in her home town.  My sisters MIL did that and it was lovely, yes its a little odd for a family member to throw one, but most people don't seem to care about that anymore.  Its also not that uncommon to have more than one nowadays, people often have more than one person who wants to throw one, so wouldn't this work for everyone?

crys0124

I had the same issue with my Mom.  She lives 12 hours away and the best time for them was spring break because one of my MOH is my sister and she is still in school.  FI side of the family and the rest of my bridesmaids thought it was way too early to have the shower in April when the wedding is Aug 21st.  One BM lives out of the country and will be moving back this summer, another is in nursing school but will be done this summer...so they would be more help with the shower later...not now.  At first I was annoyed it was causing ME stress when I'm not supposed to have anything to do with the shower, but I realized if my Mom wants to pay for the shower, and doesn't mind she won't be getting much help, then she can throw it whenever she wants.

So if your MOH is paying for it and FMIL is not, then FMIL needs to step aside and consider throwing her own if she's not happy.