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If I don't have BM's.. Who will throw the shower?

kashibearkashibear member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
I live in CA, and all my family lives in AZ. I am not having a bridal party.. I know that typically you should never really be involved with your own shower--but what about my situation? Honestly, I would prefer to not be involved, but at the same time I don't feel comfortable asking any girlfriends of mine (who aren't actually IN my wedding) to throw me a shower.

My sister and mom will probably throw me something in AZ with family, but what about everyone in my life out here? In my situation, would it be better just to plan my own shower than risk not having one or dumping it on someone else's lap?
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Re: If I don't have BM's.. Who will throw the shower?

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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Absolutely not.  If no one throws a shower it's unfortunate, but it's NEVER appropriate to throw one for yourself.
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
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    edited December 2011
    You cannot throw your own shower and you cannot ask anybody to throw one for you.  If it happens then great, if not, oh well.  Even if you had a bridal party, they would not be obligated to throw you a shower.
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    SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    DItto pp's do NOT throw your own shower. The point of a bridal shower is to shower the bride-to-be with gifts and if you throw your own shower it'll look gift grabby and you'll be throwing a party in honor of yourself.

    It sounds like your mom and your sister may have this taken care of for you. I'm sure they have figured out since you don't have a WP that the only way you'll have a bridal shower is if they throw it for you. If you don't get one, you don't get one. It stinks, and I know a lot of us brides look forward to having a bridal shower, but without a shower you'll still be married to the love of your life in the end regardless of not having a shower. HTH!
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Question:  will you still be married even if you don't have a shower? 

    Hint:  in case you're not sure, the answer is Yes.

    Might it be a disappointment if you don't have a shower?  Yep.  Will it change the outcome of your wedding day?  Nope.

    You don't get to throw yourself a shower.  That's all.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A shower is a gift from the people who throw it. If someone in your CA life wants to throw one, they will let you know. My friends are throwing something here (not sure what yet), and none of them are in the bridal party. They are doing it because they love me and want to throw a party.

    You should never throw your own shower, because that is equivalent to asking for gifts (the purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts) and that's just rude, no matter how you slice it.
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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Uh, you just won't have a a shower.
    We didn't have any attendants, and we had no shower / no bach party for either of us.
    And we are still legally married.

    And your mom isn't going to throw you a shower either, because moms can't host showers.  That would look like a huge gift grab:  Come bring my daughter a great gift.  So what your mom is hosting in AZ is an engagement party for your extended family to celebrate your engagement.
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    superheroprincesssuperheroprincess member
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry but nobody will throw the shower.  Showers are optional.
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    scpalmtree06scpalmtree06 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are in the same boat and knew going into wedding planning that we will likely not have a shower since we do not have a BP.  If you choose one thing (no BP), then you also choose another (no shower).
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My aunts threw mine.  They offered.  I didn't ask anyone.  They said, "What are your shower plans?" and I said, "I haven't heard of any" so they said, "That isn't right" and organized a very nice one.

    This is the sort of thing that people will want to do for you if you wait for them to come to you but makes people very upset if you do it by yourself or ask others to do it for you.
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    marisah83marisah83 member
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    edited December 2011
    You can't throw yourself a shower, and you can't ask anyone to throw one for you.  Showers aren't mandatory.

    Maybe some of your friends will decide to throw one.  My MOH lives halfway across the country and can't do one for me, but some of my friends locally chose to do one.  I didn't ask for it though. 
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    actinolite2actinolite2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Grinning a little over the idea of throwing yourself a shower....seriously, isn't one event that semi-obligates people to give us presents (i.e. the wedding) enough? 
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