Pre-wedding Parties

Dreading my own bridal shower!

I Have to start this story by saying im a waitress at REDLOBSTER you know an "in between job" while the money as a waitress is great its not something im proud of.  I dont really like any of my coworkers or bosses I JUST HATE MY JOB. I just found an invitation to my bridal shower which was supposed to be a surprise & to my surprise its at REDLOBSTER THE job I hate!!!!! here was my mothers plan I was supposed to show up to work a lunch shift and they were going to surprise me. Cry
So just a little recap i hate my job and the people in which i have to work with  i would be at my own bridal shower miserable in a uniform while everyone else is dressed for the occasion while all the people that i cant stand get to share or watch me during this train wreck happens and as an employee i wont be able to have a drink at my own bridal shower WTF FML
trying to figure out a way to tell my mother i know and i hate the idea despite the fact that 70 invitations already went out!!!  I WILL not attend my own bridal shower otherwiseCry

Re: Dreading my own bridal shower!

  • edited December 2011
    Tell your mom.

    I get the idea of tying it into a surprise by having it there, but that's not far for your out-of-work affairs to be forcably brought into work.
    If you don't want your coworkers there, you shouldn't be forced into having them there.

    Tell your mom you're sorry but you found out on accident and explain you don't feel comfortable celebrating there.
    Tell her you want to be able to dress up and celebrate by having a drink or two, and you don't want the pressure of your job and coworkers peering over your shoulder.
    Yes, it sucks to send changes but nowadays with online sites, e-mail, texting, or even an "old-fashioned" phone tree, it's not too hard to inform people of the change.


    Good luck! I completely understand how you feel, but try not to be too harsh on your mom. She probably just really wanted it to be as big a surprise as possible, and she obviously didn't think that while your guests might like Red Lobster, you, like every other person I know that works in the food industry, is sick of the food and scenery there.

  • golden1215golden1215
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    edited December 2011
    p.s. dont use your email address as your user name, its not safe.
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  • edited December 2011
    If you are really set on not going if the shower is going to be held at the Red Lobster then I see no other choice but to tell your Mom.  Let her know you found an invitation on accident and that you appreciate the thought.  Your Mom probably knows you aren't fond of your job so she will understand. 
    Heather and Tom 10.10.10 10.10.10 - Tom and Heather Sitting on the Dock
  • emillee21emillee21
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011

    I know how you feel, I am a waitress and not a fan of my co-workers and I hate going there unless I'm working, but just talk to your mom and explain to her that you dont want it there before its too late! Good Luck!

  • edited December 2011
    I totally understand hating your job (me too) and not liking the idea of having your shower there but you should be grateful that someone wants to throw you one and is going to all the trouble to make it a surprise. It sounds a little bratty to say "I'm not going because I don't want it there." It makes you look spoiled and ungrateful.
  • edited December 2011
    I know this doesn't fix the whole issue, but if you didn't want to talk to your mom about this, and didn't want to wreck the surprise, you could bring an extra pair of clothes and change into them. This fixes at least part of the problem. If the larger problem of having it at work in the first place is something you can't and won't put up with, I would definately talk to your mother so other arrangements can be made. Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    Just suck it up and go.  You mother, and very likely other people, have worked very hard on this.  Being a grown-up, and I'm going to assume that you count yourself as one since you're getting married, sometimes means having to do things we would rather not do.  A bridal shower is a gift to the bride.  No one is obligated to throw you one and you don't get to pick the circumstances.  It would be beyond rude to ask for changes to a plan that has already been set.  It's bad enough that you read the invitation that wasn't intended for you.
  • MrsCiaccioMrsCiaccio
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Talk to your mom ASAP.  If you don't feel comfortable doing it and "ruining" the surprise have a bridesmaid step in.  I'm curious as to why they weren't involved in the planning...don't they and/or your mom know how you feel about your job? 
    MrsCiaccio2B
  • dragonkat79dragonkat79
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Suck it up and stop acting like a little kid. So you hate your job and apparently everyone you work with, your mom is trying to do something nice. I personally feel like if you don't get along with or like anyone you work with that maybe it's you and how you are viewing the job. Like other people have said when you are an adult you need to sometimes do things you don't like to do.
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, there are some angry brides on here!

    HustlinMiss, I can absolutely understand why you're upset. A shower while you're working is no fun... and I'm sure your Mom was so excited to throw it she didn't even think that it might be uncomfortable for you. You know your Mom better than any of us so I would gage how she would react. If you think she'd be really upset and frustrated that you didn't like it I say bring the change of clothes and try to make the best of it. If you think she'll understand then I would explain the situation... she wants YOU to be happy! This is supposed to be for you!

    Good luck!

    P.S. AmyL, Once the invite was opened there was probably no envelope with an addressee so she didn't know who it was for... give the girl a break! Wouldn't you be a little bummed if you had to have your shower while you were working (at a job you hate) and in uniform? 

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  • AfroBunnieAfroBunnie
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    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with DragonKat. You should be thankful to have so many people who want to help you out by giving you gifts when you're dealing with being in a difficult situation financially. Your mother has probably worked very hard to send out these invitations, plan the party, and keep it a secret from you. To reproach her for it simply because you don't want the party to be where you work is not only ungrateful but incredibly childish and self-centered. Be thankful for your job (which many folks these days don't have), a loving family, and friends who want to shower you with gifts. It's more than most folks could ask for.
  • edited December 2011
    I dealt with a similar sitiuation a few weeks back when my mom invited people to my bridal shower that were not invited to the wedding (that FI and I are paying for). I was uncomfortable about all of this and although I voiced my opinion to my family, in the end, they got it their way and just as I thought, it was uncomfortable. Someone even came up to me and tried to tell me that if I invited more people to my wedding, I would get more gifts!!! AHHH!! The fact is a lot of people are in difficult financial situations and an extra toaster or crock pot is not worth it!

    Since you found this out and the invites are already out, I would just let your mom know how you feel and just be honest. But, beware that sometimes the truth hurts and might make others mad at you! Does anyone in your family know that you don't like your co-workers? If so, then I would probably be upset that this is happening too!

    In the end, this experience of getting married is your experience and your family/friends should respect that. Just put on the happiest face you can and try to hang around the people who bother you the least. I would also recommend having a drink or two just to take the edge off. Who knows... you might be pleasantly surprised!
  • edited December 2011
     I totally understand how you feel. I used to work at chili's and wouldn't have wanted my shower there that's for sure. However if invites have already gone out I think this is a case of biting the bullet and being thankful that someone loves you enough to through you a suprise shower no matter how off base they may be. I am sorry that you are so unhappy but perhaps you could try to focus on the positive side. I know that sucks to hear but that's how I would approach the situation.
  • Jeni35Jeni35
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I agree that it is in poor taste to have a bridal shower at one's workplace while one is supposed to be working. Maybe your mom thought that it would be a good place to meet and affordable; but it is your bridal shower. You could call in sick and just invite the people you want anyhow. cruel? Maybe; but if you have griped about your job and explained that it's only for the moment; then i would agree that thought hasn't really been put into it. Thank your mother for her efforts and explain that the shower will be temporarily moved to another location. You could also just have a work shower and another bridal shower with close friends where you'd be dressed and such. 
  • cew515cew515
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    edited December 2011
    I think you are being way over dramatic about this. I get that you're disappointed, but you really should be thankful that someone is throwing a shower for you at all. If the invitations have gone out, I think you need to just suck it up, but on a happy face, and be gracious about it.
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  • starbuckchicstarbuckchic
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    When I first read the post I thought "wow that stinks, you should talk to your mom and change the venue", but a few of the brides brought up great points about being gracious and accepting the party.

    I think a compromise is in order.  First, be honest with your mom that you found out about the shower details by accident.  This may help ease her stress of keeping it a secret, and you may be able to help with some of the remaining details.  Explain that you want to enjoy your shower, and tell her that you're going to ask your manager to take you off shift when the shower guests arrive.  Have your mom bring a change of clothes in her car so you can change out of your uniform for the party, have a drink or two and graciously accept the party.  

    I never worked in the food industry and didn't even think about alcohol restrictions while you're on shift.  It makes total sense now that I think about it, but honestly it did not cross my mind until you detailed it in your post.  While talking to your mom I would emphasize that you are so thankful she is doing this for you, and you want to fully enjoy the experience (which means being comfy in your own clothes & allowed to enjoy a drink), but I would leave out the hating your job part.  If you haven't mentioned it before it's too late now, sorry :(  And if you have mentioned it before you'll just be laying a guilt trip on your mom, who happens to be your bridal shower party planner, not a good idea.

    Maybe you can grab your bridesmaids after the bridal shower for an "after party" at a place you enjoy?  You can call it bridal party bonding time or something, but it gives you a chance to go some place you REALLY like.

    Best of luck!!!
  • edited December 2011
    First I must say thank you all for your advice whether helpful or rude. When I posted this I thought I would get other's perspective's on my situation.  As far as being called a child and selfish is completely uncalled for I gave a brief summary of what was going on YOU DONT KNOW ME !!!  Didn't your mothers ever tell you when you were a "child" if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!!!! & if your going to do something for someone  shouldn't you be thinking of that person; and what they'd like. My surprise bridal shower was self indulgent on my moms part and bridesmaids my MOH mother in law and BOSS told her it wasnt a great idea! and FYI i told my mom she was understanding and my bridal shower is now at a different location & new invitations have been orderedKiss 
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