What to do-HELP!

Joelle731

About a month ago I moved states to where my fiance lives, and where the wedding is taking place. Our wedding is in less than 4 months, but I know very few people in the area. All of my bridesmaids are out of state and likely won't  be able to make it out much before the wedding (maybe 2-3 days at best). I think it is alot of unecessary pressure to have to plan my own bridal shower, bachelorette party, and/or make lots of new bff's in a few months. On top of it all, my bridesmaids are not wanting to be very involved and showing no interest in planning these occassions.Suggestions? Help please!

Kristin789

I don't really understand your question.

There are no circumstances under whidh you would even plan your own bridal shower or bach party.

If no one plans and hosts a bridal shower or bach party for you, then you don't have one.

That said, it's my understanding that your MOH will indeed plan and host both a shower and a bach party for you because that's the tradition in your group of friends, and your MOH and BMs will either travel to where YOU are to have these events, or you will travel back to your old home town to these events.

If you are concerned about your wedding being in 4 months, you should know that the shower takes place in a 6 week window prior to the event.  So your shower would be anytime from early December to mid-January.  Right now, it's not even OCTOBER yet, so stop fretting about this stuff.

loop0406

Well you shouldn't throw your own shower if that's what you're wanting to do.
If the MOH or BMs haven't mentioned a party then you don't have one.

dittmerbullard2010

I agree with the others. You cannot plan these parties yourself.

marissa_claire

These are parties they choose to throw for you out of the goodness of your heart.  Sorry if you believed otherwise.  And if you expect them to show up 2-3 days early just to help with wedding stuff, then that's too much to ask as well.  

missegg

I planned my bach party before I started actually planning my wedding. Since I'm the one that moved 1500 miles away, I don't think it's fair for my MOH and/or bridesmaids to have to plan it for me, or for me to be expected to show up when they decide to have it. Since I'll be going back home for my bach party, I figured we'd have the bridal shower the same weekend, although with that I'm mostly picking the date and letting someone else plan it. In my opinion, it's a chance for all the women to get together, pass on advice, and get to see me before I'm married. I don't think it's wrong to plan your own parties, especially if you'll be traveling to where you used to live.

KaylaSue19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_what-to-do-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:f122890d-1906-4b21-804d-4ea9ac7ebe69Post:e63d4c8e-453b-4685-8115-cb55f4ada68e">What to do-HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE] I think it is alot of unecessary pressure to have to plan my own bridal shower, bachelorette party, and/or make lots of new bff's in a few months.
Posted by Joelle731[/QUOTE]

Really?! As PP's have said under no circumstance should you be throwing and/or hosting either of those parties. However, I think it's the last part of the statement that strikes me the most ridiculous. Are you really suggesting that you might try and find new friends just so you have people around you "to obsess about you and your wedding".  Are you then dumping them afterwards. You could have paid actors. I mean really. Your BM's shouldn't have to obsess about your wedding in the first place.

Muffin'sMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_what-to-do-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:f122890d-1906-4b21-804d-4ea9ac7ebe69Post:e63d4c8e-453b-4685-8115-cb55f4ada68e">What to do-HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]About a month ago I moved states to where my fiance lives, and where the wedding is taking place. Our wedding is in less than 4 months, but I know very few people in the area. All of my bridesmaids are out of state and likely won't  be able to make it out much before the wedding (maybe 2-3 days at best). I think it is alot of unecessary pressure to have to plan my own bridal shower, bachelorette party, and/or make lots of new bff's in a few months. On top of it all, my bridesmaids are not wanting to be very involved and showing no interest in planning these occassions.Suggestions? Help please!
Posted by Joelle731[/QUOTE]

Wow...at this point I'm just hoping that you are really not like this post sounds.  You pick your BP because they are the ones you want beside you on the most important day of your life...not to do stuff for you.  Showers are given FOR you, not BY you...so if no one steps up, you are out of luck.  A wedding shower is like a baby shower...you wouldn't invite people to your own party to give you baby presents!

Joelle731

WOW! I didn't realize when I wrote this it sounded so bad. I guess in my mind it read that I don't have anyone around to help in the planning process of anything and was asking for suggestions on that. I didn't realize it sounded like I was a being a selfish, everything is about me, bride. In my oppinion, a bride should not be "obsessed" over, nor the wedding for that matter; but I always thought  that the wedding planning (yes, including the parties) should not be something soley planned by the bride and groom but something enjoyed by a multitude of people. hence the state of my query.  May I also suggest, ladies, not to jump to the worst possible conclusion of people.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_what-to-do-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:f122890d-1906-4b21-804d-4ea9ac7ebe69Post:3d43fae9-3593-45bd-abf8-645a86aaeff8">Re: What to do-HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW! I didn't realize when I wrote this it sounded so bad. I guess in my mind it read that<strong> I don't have anyone around to help in the planning process of anything </strong>and was asking for suggestions on that. I didn't realize it sounded like I was a being a selfish, everything is about me, bride. In my oppinion, a bride should not be "obsessed" over, nor the wedding for that matter; but I always thought  that the wedding planning (yes, including the parties) should not be something soley planned by the bride and groom but something enjoyed by a multitude of people. hence the state of my query.  <strong>May I also suggest, ladies, not to jump to the worst possible conclusion of people.
</strong>Posted by Joelle731[/QUOTE]

We can only "jump to conclusions" based off the posts you write. If that's how you come across in your post, then that's your fault, not ours.

But besides that, regardless of what you believed, the planning is to be done by the bride and groom. Anything else is just icing on the cake. If people offer to help you, you can definitely accept their generous offer. But it should not be expected. And if you are expecting this help, then it sounds like you're out of luck and about to be very disappointed.

So let me reiterate the advice that was already given to you by the PP:
Only plan what you're able to plan. You can't make anyone else plan things for you.

Also, you really shouldn't plan your own bachelorette or shower. They're parties thrown IN HONOUR of you, and they are gifts to you. If they are able to work something out, then they will.

hannahhannah1

I got married in August and I just can't seem to get enough of this wedding stuff. So, I made a blog for future brides to read the secrets and tricks that I figured out. Check out my DOS and DON'TS and advise: 

http://weddingdaygroundhogday.blogspot.com/

trix1223

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, another post from Hannah the annoying blogger.