Bridal shower registry?

jessicahollis

My fiance and I have opted not to open a traditional gift registry because we already own a home and have lived together for years.  We really do not need any additional housewares.  Instead, we have opened a registry for our honeymoon and encourage guests to donate to a local charity.

However, for purposes of the bridal shower, should I open a gift registry of some kind - lingerie and clothes for the honeymoon, etc?  Has anyone else had a similar situation?  Thanks for the help!

squirrly

If you're having a shower, you need a regular registry.  The purpose of a shower is to "shower the bride with gifts." 

I wouldn't use your honeymoon registry - I'd rather give you cash & know that you had it available when you went on your HM to pay for whatever.  I don't want the registry company to take a cut, send you the money/voucher late, etc.  Also, if you'd rather buy something else - I'd rather you had that option.

And, there's no way I'm donating to a charity.  AND if I give you a cash gift and you donate that, I'd be pretty upset.  I want to give YOU a gift.  I give to charity, too.  Charities that I like, on my own terms.  It's normal to want to give a newly married couple a gift.  Accept graciously instead of telling people via your charity suggestion that you don't care for their gift.

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_bridal-shower-registry-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:060d7c8c-18c0-48ec-bfe4-2b47d0eab092Post:2218e60c-1664-4d70-8673-260983400c7d">Bridal shower registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have opted not to open a traditional gift registry because we already own a home and have lived together for years.  We really do not need any additional housewares.  Instead, we have opened a registry for our honeymoon and encourage guests to donate to a local charity. However, for purposes of the bridal shower, should I open a gift registry of some kind - lingerie and clothes for the honeymoon, etc?  Has anyone else had a similar situation?  Thanks for the help!
Posted by jessicahollis[/QUOTE]

If you don't have a registry and don't want gifts, you should decline a shower.

If you just want to get everyone together to socialize, have a cocktail party, brunch, or luncheon instead.  Shower implies showering someone with gifts.

Acrosthec

Agree with pp's.  But also, if you want to have a lingerie shower, I've seen invitations where the host included the bride's measurements/sizes and told everyone it was a lingerie shower and they just brought whatever they wanted.  No need to register for those. 

duckie1905

If you don't want gifts and don't have a traditional registry then decline any offers for a shower.  The point is to "shower" the bride with gifts, not to watch her open checks, gift cards, and honeymoon registry printouts.

An alternative shower is possible (I don't go to lingerie showers because I don't care to see the underwear of my friends and relatives) but I have been to a stock the wine rack shower and basket showers before that were pretty cool.  But, then again, it was the idea of the host.  You don't get to dictate who throws you a shower and how they throw it.

MyNameIsNot

Honeymoon registries are generally percieved as tacky and don't work for a shower.

If you don't need anything for your home, don't have a registry and decline the shower. 

fallbride1109

I was in the same situation and tried to nicely decline the shower altogether (MIL's friends wanted to throw it).  When that didn't work, I opened a small traditional registry and just registered for things I could use for entertaining, baking, etc.  Stuff that I didn't really NEED per se but would love to have and wouldn't probably ever buy myself.  I also registered for luggage and a vaccuum which were the two things we really did need.  It was a huge success and almost every single thing was bought from it.  I also registered for (and received) our toasting flutes and cake server for the wedding.

I agree with PP that the whole point of a shower is to ooh and ahhh over the gifts and gift cards and travel vouchers really don't do the trick. Hopefully this will give you some ideas.

mwhitson14

stephie totally makes my point about why people shouldn't do HM registries, because there's got to be something you want! Like stephie, if you just can't get out of the shower (which would be perceived really rude to my family), then make a registry with things that you would never buy for yourself, like a cool wine frig or the awesome dyon vacuum.

jessicahollis

Thanks for all the input.  The honeymoon registry thankfully is through my usual travel agent who does not take any "cut" for guests making gifts toward our honeymoon.  And the charity we are encouraging is a local cancer center that treated our sister-in-law who, sadly, lost her four-year battle with leukemia - family members and friends understand the significance of it so we're very supportive of them making a donation to that charity in lieu of a gift.  I hadn't thought of registering for china though so that may be a good idea.  Any other creative ideas, let me know!  

kimandtommy

My fiancee and I have both been married before. We are both starting off with lots of old things that need replacing. Most of our things are from my 18 yr marriage so we could really use the traditional toaster, glassware, silverware, etc... Do 2nd marriages normally have a wedding shower and/or register for gifts?

kbh2a

We are in a similar situation of not really needing a lot of STUFF.  That said, I agree that there are always a few things that you would never purchase for yourself but might really enjoy.  For some that might be the wine frig for the basement, for others a set of china (even if it is just to display or to pass along to your kids some day).   We chose stuff mostly for entertaining.  We may not get a lot of use out of them, but I am sure it will come in handy next year when we are expected to host Thanksgiving.

People WANT to give you a gift to celebrate your day- so registering gives them a way to do that.  It at least points them to stores that you do like and if they don't choose to get something from the registry, they can choose to get a gift card.

As for showers- I LOVE the idea of "stock the wine rack" or "fill the recipe box".   I think it would be really special if everyone brought a recipe (their "specialty" or "family favorite") Depending on who is throwing the shower (and how much you can steer them one way or another), you can suggest something like that, or you can suggest not having a shower, but insteat having a tea or a brunch to celebrate.  The host can politely put on the invitation that gifts aren't neccessary.   This avoids the "stuff" without making guests feel like they are showing up empty handed.

Last note- on HM and charity registries-- I think it depends on how you get the word out, and to whom.   If you use a website and if you make it clear why charities are important to you, and have both a charity and a traditional registry, guests will understand that you aren't "money grabbing" and can choose whatever they feel is most appropriate.

aawadall

I went to a shower a few months ago where the couple was in a similar situation.  They asked for gift cards to places like grocery stores, movie theaters, book and clothing stores, etc.  The host also suggested that guests buy a small or related gift so the bride would have something to open.  For example, if you got a bookstore certificate, you could buy a few books. If you got them a theater gift card, as I did, you could get a movie snack kit and/or dvds.

This may not be appealing to a lot of people, but they had a lot of games at the shower and the additional gifts made it more fun!