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I know I have to get her a gift, but do I have to??

mimsimimsi
First Comment
in Registry and Gift Forum
So, I got married September 2009. At my bridal shower my friend was two hours late and she gave me a card that said "your gift is in the mail." The gift never came (no surprise). What's more, we never got a wedding gift from her and her fiance, and she never said a word about either. I know they could have afforded something, and our registry was very reasonable. 

Fast forward to today...tomorrow is her bridal shower and we have to get themed gifts. I have to get something romantic. Keywords "have to",  according to her aunt. Not only does her registry have nothing romantic in it, but they are asking for a TV ($600), an office chair ($900), a $250 crystal decanter, and $30 cereal bowls. What the crud? 

But I know I should get something, right? 

Right?
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Re: I know I have to get her a gift, but do I have to??

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    kmjarveykmjarvey
    First Comment

    You never "have to" but if you're feel weird showing up without something, I'd just find something "romantic" for $10 or so.

    image
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    mimsimimsi
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    Yeah, I'm thinking of just getting a candle and bath salts. Better than nothing. ;) The only downside, is that I end up look like the cheapass at her shower, even though she gave me nothing...but no one there will know it. Yeah, I'm bitter.
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    bananapudding91bananapudding91
    First Comment
    She did NOTHING for you, so you doing ANYTHING for her is very nice, in my opinion. Not so much bitter as realistic. I'm sure almost anyone in your situation would feel the same.

    Just show up to her shower on time. Call that the gift. :P
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    You didn't have to attend the shower, but since you've chosen to attend, yes, you should get her something.  You are not obligated to follow the theme, but you might as well.  I would probably spend ~$25.
    Married 10/2/10
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    You can always go with things like a cookbook featuring dinners for two or things with a heart theme.

    I would buy a gift, but the way you worded things makes me wonder if she's flighty or just cheap.
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    Hellokatie0517Hellokatie0517 member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_should-her-gift-but-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:187f0476-eba3-4e99-a2d5-8b51e8fdb5e7Post:1b0d5fb3-8ea2-4aa8-8d35-f30aaee2a141">Re: I know I have to get her a gift, but do I have to??</a>:
    [QUOTE]You can always go with things like a cookbook featuring dinners for two or things with a heart theme. I would buy a gift, but the way you worded things makes me wonder if she's flighty or just cheap.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    I think the cookbook is a great idea banana!

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    Goldlie11Goldlie11
    First Comment
    Get her this
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    bekahjane89bekahjane89 member
    First Comment
    I'd get her a gift, but a cheap one... $10 to $25 dollars. Bath salts, candles etc or cook book for two are all great ideas!

    I know so many people who judge how much they should spend on a friends wedding gift based on how much the friend spent on theirs. Too bad your friend didn't know people typically do that too. That really stinks!
    Beka Lou
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    Sapphire1002Sapphire1002 member
    First Comment
    You always get a gift card to a store for "something romantic".. no more than $20/25.
    image
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_should-her-gift-but-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:187f0476-eba3-4e99-a2d5-8b51e8fdb5e7Post:e2eeb3a8-1513-4b9c-9b00-c24a788ff95a">Re: I know I have to get her a gift, but do I have to??</a>:
    [QUOTE]She did NOTHING for you, so you doing ANYTHING for her is very nice, in my opinion. Not so much bitter as realistic. I'm sure almost anyone in your situation would feel the same. Just show up to her shower on time. Call that the gift. :P
    Posted by bananapudding91[/QUOTE]

    This is a completely immature way to handle the situation. Adults don't (or shouldn't) behave that way. It's been two years, she's agreed to go to the shower, she needs to get her a gift.

    If she was really that pissed about the whole thing, she should have just rsvp'd no to the shower and moved on.
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    jennylove810jennylove810 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_should-her-gift-but-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:187f0476-eba3-4e99-a2d5-8b51e8fdb5e7Post:3f0b3819-14a4-4c99-b9c2-e497d090d06f">Re: I know I have to get her a gift, but do I have to??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I know I have to get her a gift, but do I have to?? : This is a completely immature way to handle the situation. Adults don't (or shouldn't) behave that way. It's been two years, she's agreed to go to the shower, she needs to get her a gift. <strong>If she was really that pissed about the whole thing, she should have just rsvp'd no to the shower and moved on.
    </strong>Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    Which is probably what I would have done, but I'm a bitter old hag.

    I like banana's idea of a cookbook.  And what's the crowd like at this shower?  Grandmas and Great Aunts, or sisters and college girlfriends?  Cause if it's the latter, I'd probably get something a little more naughty and a lot more embarassing... warming massage oils and the slinkest thong on earth, anyone?
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_should-her-gift-but-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:187f0476-eba3-4e99-a2d5-8b51e8fdb5e7Post:6c79f955-b403-4634-baf6-89c8402c07ac">Re: I know I have to get her a gift, but do I have to??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I'm thinking of just getting a candle and bath salts. Better than nothing. ;) The only downside, is that I end up look like the cheapass at her shower, even though she gave me nothing...but no one there will know it. Yeah, I'm bitter.
    Posted by mimsi[/QUOTE]

    You will look cheapass if you give her bath salts. But if you give her nothing, no one will even notice.
    If you decide to give her gift, just make it a $25 gift card. No one will know the amount unless she's crude enough to announce it, when she opens the gifts.
                       
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    mnutinimnutini member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Why don't you get her a card saying something like, oh I dunno... "The gift is in the mail." Then actually send it. That should be a nice way to remind her that you didn't forget.

    She might even apologize.  Who knows!?
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    ohyouhavemyheartohyouhavemyheart
    First Comment
    oh i like pp's ^^^^ idea.. thats a good one!! actually send the gift though, she'll feel bad for sure lol.
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    Karla1811Karla1811
    First Comment
    Tell her her gift is in the mail :) and give her a card with "romantic" gestures as if they were hints to what her gift is... then actually send the oh so romantic $20 cookbook in the mail. 
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    LeenR44LeenR44
    First Comment
    Two wrongs don't make a right.  It may be frustrating to buy her a gift, but she must be a good friend if you RSVPed "yes" to her shower.  Karma will reward you for being the bigger person! :)
    image
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    Give her a blank gift card :D Then when she calls to ask about it, just tell her ooops, I must have forgotten to put money on it, a new one is in the mail!
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