Nontraditional registry items

kavita85

Hi there,

This is my first post; I've been a long-time lurker and have found these boards really helpful. I read many posts but couldn't find one similar to my specific question, so here goes...

My fiance and I are setting up our registries at BB&B and Amazon. We are having 300 guests but already have a lot of things we need. It's been tough finding things, but we've been putting upgrades and things like that, so it's not too empty.

Well, my fiance put a couple computer components (hard drive and case fan) which I found really embarrasing if someone saw that, but he disagrees. What would you think if you saw computer components on a registry? I'm tempted to just buy these things for him for his birthday or something to make him feel better about asking him to take them down (i know, not really romantic, but we're both practical people). We've put other nontraditional things I know some people on here wouldn't like, such as a digital camera and PS3, but I don't find these as weird as computer parts. Let me know what you think, thanks!

moshi's paw

are the computer parts for HIM, or for the TWO of you?  more than likely people will just skip that item if it's on there. 

i've seen people register for everything from board games to toilet paper.  to me, registries are generally tacky and gift-grabby, but for some/many it's a matter of items that would be helpful in starting a life together in a home. 

that being said, FI and I are also registered at BBB and amazon for a few things (mostly under pressure from our families), and also have charity registries set up with the Mercury Phoenix Foundation and the American Cancer Society. 

jagore08

I would think it's a bit odd to put computer things on the registry but I've seen worse. If you don't like that it's on the registry then it's a great idea to buy it for him.  DH purchased out Dyson for me for Christmas before our wedding (I think he thought no one would buy us a vacuum that expensive).  I loved it and was really excited to get it.

kavita85

The items would be just for him, which is one reason I think they're not appropriate. I think I finally convinced him to take them off, but he's a little bitter. Personally, I think the charity registries are a great idea.

duckie1905

Ick for charity registries.

Anyway, I'd probably skip the computer parts.  Your registry isn't a birthday wish list.

If I knew both of you were into computers I might feel differently but I do think that the registry should be something for both of you.

jessNlane52804

Yeah, I wouldn't do computer parts. We put a few nontraditional items on there like board games and a blu-ray player. Our logic was that they are items we would use equally and they would also be used when guests come over. The games go in the same category as serveware for me. They're not things we really need, but they're nice to have when we entertain guests at our home.

However, some people such as my dad love electronics on a registry. When my parents are invited to a shower, my dad always brings the groom a best buy gift card or purchases something electronic because he says everything is for the bride, so the groom deserves something for himself.

moshi's paw

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_nontraditional-registry-items?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:293b4ce0-194e-454e-a698-59bb75d0a6bcPost:87f290dc-73e0-464d-baf5-26446c490f38">Re: Nontraditional registry items</a>:
[QUOTE]Ick for charity registries.
Posted by duckie1905[/QUOTE]
out of curiosity, why ick?

MyNameIsNot

I agree w/PP that said it should be about the two of you.  I wouldn't bat an eye at a video game system (for a couple that I know plays together), or a digital camera, or a kayak.  I think registries should be about the couple starting their life together, and that doesn't have to be limited to dishes and towels.  I would give the side eye to something that is just for one person.  But, I'd also give the side eye to toilet paper, and presumably both people would use that.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_nontraditional-registry-items?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:293b4ce0-194e-454e-a698-59bb75d0a6bcPost:2ccc1ddb-55cc-4fce-9135-11feb321d9ba">Re: Nontraditional registry items</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Nontraditional registry items : out of curiosity, why ick?
Posted by moshi's paw[/QUOTE]

Because charitable giving is a very personal thing and one should not isntruct their guests to give to one charity or another.

Also, a gift to a charity is not a gift to YOU. If you want to take the money people give you and give to a charity, then you get a tax deduction on non-taxable income. SCORE! If your guests give to a charity, they are not giving anything to you, which is the point of a gift.

Personally, I give as generously as I can to charities I support. If someone had a charity registry, I'd rather just not give them a gift. They obviously don't appreciate it if they want to bypass it altogether and just have me give it to someone else.

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_nontraditional-registry-items?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:293b4ce0-194e-454e-a698-59bb75d0a6bcPost:1cc2748d-329a-43a1-8bc8-026a96990155">Re: Nontraditional registry items</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Nontraditional registry items : Because charitable giving is a very personal thing and one should not isntruct their guests to give to one charity or another. Also, a gift to a charity is not a gift to YOU. If you want to take the money people give you and give to a charity, then you get a tax deduction on non-taxable income. SCORE! If your guests give to a charity, they are not giving anything to you, which is the point of a gift. Personally, I give as generously as I can to charities I support. If someone had a charity registry, I'd rather just not give them a gift. They obviously don't appreciate it if they want to bypass it altogether and just have me give it to someone else.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

<div>ditto on all points :)  I want to buy the couple a gift, not give to their charity.  Giving to charity is a very personal and, IMO, private decision.  I don't want to be instructed as to what charity to donate instead of purchasing a gift. </div>

cac847

The couples that I've known that had a charity registry did so because it was a cause that personally affected them in some way. If they're selfless enough to forego gifts in order to help others, I don't think it's right to criticize them, and saying that their charity isn't good enough to donate to is a huge slap in the face to their personal struggles.

jinxed8605

I wouldn't register for computer parts (and both FI and I are PC gamers). Non-traditional items are OK though (electronics, camping gear, etc).

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_nontraditional-registry-items?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:293b4ce0-194e-454e-a698-59bb75d0a6bcPost:78342ed3-8059-4e5f-ba28-d7c1bce9193b">Re: Nontraditional registry items</a>:
[QUOTE]The couples that I've known that had a charity registry did so because it was a cause that personally affected them in some way. If they're selfless enough to forego gifts in order to help others, I don't think it's right to criticize them, and saying that their charity isn't good enough to donate to is a huge slap in the face to their personal struggles.
Posted by cac847[/QUOTE]

This is exactly why charity registries are not necessarily a good thing.  Yes, so the couple donates to a charity that is either related to their lives or had some impact on them, great!  But charity donation is a personal thing.  No one is saying that donating to charity is bad.

As an example, many don't support the Susan G. Komen Foundation because they think they spend too much money on overhead and not enough goes to research.   Does this mean that they don't care about breast cancer research?  Does this mean that they don't support the family in their struggles?  Does this mean that they don't care about those fighting cancer?  No.  All it means it that they choose not support that particular charity.  It isn't that their cause or their life experiences aren't good enough or that I'm slapping their personal struggles in the face.  It is  just that I would prefer not to be asked to donate to a charity I might not agree with or necessarily support in lieu of a gift for the couple.

If the couple feels strongly about the cause they are free to donate my gift (which is always money in my case) to that charity.