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Registering and Gifts

Someone is Mr. No Fun!

So FI an I attempted to do our registry back in November and it was a NIGHTMARE!  He was whiney and uncooperative, he only perked up when we started looking at knives (because he is into cooking not because he is crazy).  I felt like crying because it was so bad!  We have selected 4 items total and our wedding is in 3 months! 
I keep asking him to come with me to make another go of it but he refuses to meet me halfway and insists that we dont need anything.  I complained to my mom and she offered to come with me to help pick out linens and plates.  I want to take her up on this since she is more knowledgable in that regard but I feel it's strange that my future Hubby wont be part of it.  Should I drag him along or just make this hassle free and go with my mom?
"All I want is for you to be happy And, take this woman and make you my family And, finally you have found someone perfect And, finally you have found Yourself." -RHCP image

Re: Someone is Mr. No Fun!

  • This is really between you and your FI and only you two should make this decision.  Ask him if he would be bothered if you went with your mom instead.  Based on what you shared, my guess is that he's going to be fine with it.
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  • If he's being uncooperative (which is not cool, considering this is obviously something important to you), then just take your mom. It's nice mother/daughter bonding time anyway. Really, registering should be a fun experience. Although I understand you wanting him there (I sure did), if he's going to make you miserable, then it's not worth it. 

    I say this assuming you've explained to him how important it is to you and how much you wish he was there. He doesn't have to be equally excited as you, but that you'd appreciate him being there to be supportive. 

    Would be like to do it if you register online?
  • I brought my fiance when I registered at Macy's.  it was important to me to get him imput on things he would use every day - silverware, plates and glasses.  He really can care less about it all otherwise, but I didn't want to hear him complain that the silverware's not sturdy enough for 50 years.  He lost interest in that first visit after half an hour, and I registered at BBB and William Sonoma on my own - he doesn't care about linens, trivets or all the other things I was looking at.  Take your mom and enjoy the expereince!
  • RamonaFlowersRamonaFlowers member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    I can understand where your FI is coming from. The idea of spending an afternoon in Macy's (Or Target, or Kohl's or BBB, or where ever) with a price gun, trying to pick out the absolute greatest dishes evarrrr is less appealing to me than getting a root canal. We actually decided to not register at all, that's how much we both hated the idea of having to go through the registering process, lol.

    If your FI is okay with your mom going with you or just doesn't care about having a registry at all, then don't sweat it-go with her and have fun. If he doesn't want your mom to go, but still wants to have a registry, then he needs to suck it up, put on his big boy pants and accompany you.


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  • Thanks for the support ladies!  I'm going with mom this week.  FI doesnt even want to cooperate for the Amazon registry. Oh well his loss! 
    "All I want is for you to be happy And, take this woman and make you my family And, finally you have found someone perfect And, finally you have found Yourself." -RHCP image
  • I only had my fiance come with me to register for things that I knew he'd be interested in. It's perfectly fine to register with someone else or alone if your fiance doesn't have a preference of what you choose.
  • Dakota isn't the shopping type. He hates stores. He does, however, like (as much as a man can like...) online shopping. I tried to drag him to Target twice and each time I gave up. I have now made ours online and just ask for his input every now and then. He's much more cooperative now. I try to ask him about things that I think he will care about. I mean, I don't know of many men who would give a hoot about what color floor steamer to register for. =]

    He has approved the list and I am much less stressed now! Try asking him what HE would like to get as a wedding gift. PS3... Xbox 360? Blu Ray player? Aside from electronics and whether or not things are dishwasher safe... my FI doesn't really care. Well, as long as things aren't pink. Wink Good luck!

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  • edited December 2011
    I'd lay it out for him: "Honey, we need to have our registry completed soon.  I was thinking of going shopping next weekend to pick things out.  I would love for you to come, but I don't want to force you to go and have you whine the entire day.  Keep in mind this is your chance to pick stuff out for our new home - if you don't care I am totally fine doing it myself, but I just wanted to make sure..."

    Something like this.  I told my FI the same thing - it is going to be done whether he wants to do it or not, and if he doesn't want to come and pick things out (either in store or online) that he has no right to complain later about it.  They're men, sometimes you just have to make it simple for them - come with and pick out what you want, or don't come with and forever hold your peace =]

    It's really not that uncommon for the man to not have much say/any say in the registering process simply because they don't care enough about china patterns and towels.
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  • My FI HATED doing the registry. He humored me once and helped pick out our china. I didn't even try to force him back in because he was miserable the first time around. At first i was a little disillusioned but then I figured out it was so much more fun to just pick out whatever I wanted! I went back with my mom and had a blast! You don't need him for this. He will most likely not even care was tray or vase or cup you choose. Go have fun! 
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  • I agree with AurorasEnvy.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No way in hell will I take FI with me, and he's perfectly happy that way.  He's given me a short list of a few things he'd really like to have, but as to what brand, color, etc, he truly doesn't care.  I do all the cooking, so anything kitchen is up to me.  He's also colorblind, so sheets and towels really have no meaning to him beyond their originally intended use.  I'd rather do it alone anyway, as I shop better when I don't have to follow someone else around and can concentrate on my own thing.
  • My FI HATED doing the registry. He humored me once and helped pick out our china. I didn't even try to force him back in because he was miserable the first time around. At first i was a little disillusioned but then I figured out it was so much more fun to just pick out whatever I wanted! I went back with my mom and had a blast! You don't need him for this. He will most likely not even care was tray or vase or cup you choose. Go have fun! 
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  • I did the registry in store, and then had FI review online, which is when he told me what he liked, what to add/cut, etc.  
  • What's funny is, my FI was totally into the whole registry thing! Since we don't see each other often, I think he felt that this was another nice experience for us to spend together. He came with me to Target & Kohls. He really liked zapping the gun. He was also fascinated by the range of home items. He had no idea what some of the things were!! That was pretty funny. 

    Then I asked my mom to come with me to BB&B since I wanted to pick out my china there & I thought she'd have better insight in that dept. My FI almost had a heart attack! He was upset that I wanted her there rather than him! I had no idea, obviously. I couldn't imagine a guy really wanting to register. I assumed he was playing along just to appease me. 

    He chilled out about it, but that just goes to show, not all men are the same! They don't all follow the stereotype.
  • I guess my FI is in the minority here because he had a great time with me.  We are both really into cooking so we registered for a ton of cooking/baking stuff. 

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  • I just started my registry this past Monday and I took my mom with me. I asked my FI if he wanted to come and help pick out items for our home and he declined (which is exactly what I was expecting). He doesn't exactly care what color our towels and sheets are, or what pans I'm going to use when I cook as long as they work. The only thing he wanted to pick out was a really nice knife set--everything else he didn't care about. Personally, I hate shopping so I was tortured myself doing a registry so I def. didn't want to put my FI through that as well. My mom was the perfect partner to help (:
    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
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