Donations in lieu of gifts

gundy21

Since both of us are in our in our late 30s and I have had a fully stocked home for over 7 years, we are only planning on registering for a few upgrade and gap items.  My FI was born with a cleft pallete and the non-profit group Interplast is near and dear to his heart (they do repair surguries around the world for kids that cannot afford it).  He was lucky enough to have access to top-notch doctors for his 12+ surgeries to correct his birth defect (and now he just has a scar that looks like he was in an accident and got a big gash above his lip).

Here's the question  - on our wedding webiste, I was thinking of  putting something long the lines of -

As many of you may know, NAME was born with a cleft pallete.  He was fortunate to have access to wonderful surgeons and we would like to help extend the opportunity to others so they too can be proud of their smiles on their wedding days.  Please consider a donation to Interplast (weblink here) in honor of our wedding day instead of a traditional gift.

We would also list the 1-2 places we did register.

Thoughts?

marissa_claire

I actually wouldn't mention anything personally.  What I would consider doing is telling your parents that any money you receive from the wedding will be donated.  Otherwise, and I know I can't really use the term gift grabby because it's a good cause, you'd have to mention that you were basically expecting gifts - which there should never be mention of.  

Even then, maybe instead of a registry link, just put a link to donate to the cause without explaining the story and why it's near and dear to you, because frankly I'm sure people know why it's a cause you support.  Something simpler like "click here to donate to such and such fund" would probably be enough if you do wish to put anything on the Web site.

vm_andrews

I'm going to disagree with PP, I like that you give the story behind it, and as a guest, I wouldn't consider it gift-grabby at all.

SherryW23

I think that is a great idea.  We are doing something similar.  Both of us have been married before and have lived in our homes for over 30 years.  We asked guests that in lieu of gifts to consider a monetary donation to our local Hospice (which treated my late husband with his cancer), our local Habitat for Humanity or our local food bank.  We have gotten so many positive comments from our friends and family, that we confident that we did the right thing.  

jemmini6

I actually find that to be a great idea, especially since it's something that your FI has personally dealt with.  I think that if you have it on a wedding website (not invitations), then it is completely fine.  I also like the idea of giving the backstory behind it because if people who don't know your FI that well (coworkers or something) can understand why you chose THAT charity.

Overall, I think this is one that you'll get mixed reviews on here, so it comes down to how well you know your guests.  If it's something that you think your guests will like and get on board with, then by all means, go for it.

Galaxy8227

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_donations-lieu-of-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:65b27965-44f9-4c40-998f-cf2eb630bb3cPost:0ba3f3b7-7f1f-4801-95df-18cd23a1c35d">Re: Donations in lieu of gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]Your heart is in the right place, but this is a huge faux pas. The couple shouldn't mention gifts. At all. Not even if they don't want them. To do so is to hint that they were otherwise expected. Directing gifts is also a faux pas. Registries fly under the radar because they are a wish list of assorted items that nobody has to use, and registry information is not furnished by the couple until people ask about it. What you CAN do:  don't register, and, when asked about the registry, you can respond that you don't need a thing, but the guest can make a donation to a favorite charity if they are so inclined. When they ask if you have a favorite charity, tell them about that one.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This 100%