Good alternative to gift registry??

FutureMrsMortimer

My fiance and I live in the Bahamas, where he's from. I'm originally from Los Angeles, CA and our wedding will be in Napa, CA. We've been living together for two years and our house is fully set up (he's been living in it for almost 10 years), so we really don't need anything that is typically requested in a registry. We'd also like to avoid the cost and hassle of having to ship everything from CA to Nassau.

I've been thinking of registry alternatives. One thought was to request our guests to make a donation in our name to a charity of our choice. Another idea was to start a honeymoon fund. However, my fiance and I are financially stable and can afford to pay for our own honeymoon, so my question is twofold:

1)What's a good alternative to a gift registry?
2)Would it be inappropriate to ask our guests to contribute to our honeymoon fund, even though we can afford to pay for it ourselves?
Any help/suggestions are greatly appreciated! Thanks

Edie Bee

In Response to Good alternative to gift registry??:

My fiance and I live in the Bahamas, where he's from. I'm originally from Los Angeles, CA and our wedding will be in Napa, CA. We've been living together for two years and our house is fully set up (he's been living in it for almost 10 years), so we really don't need anything that is typically requested in a registry. We'd also like to avoid the cost and hassle of having to ship everything from CA to Nassau. I've been thinking of registry alternatives. One thought was to request our guests to make a donation in our name to a charity of our choice. Another idea was to start a honeymoon fund. However, my fiance and I are financially stable and can afford to pay for our own honeymoon, so my question is twofold: 1)What's a good alternative to a gift registry? 2)Would it be inappropriate to ask our guests to contribute to our honeymoon fund, even though we can afford to pay for it ourselves? Any help/suggestions are greatly appreciated! Thanks
Posted by FutureMrsMortimer

The problem with requesting charity donations is, what if I don't agree with your charity?  I probably won't want to give them money.

Check out this post about honeymoon reqistries: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-21

HobokenBride2012

In this case the best thing to do is not register at all.

jessicadall

Yeah, I'd just not register. If anyone asks say something along the lines of "we have everything we need, your presence is more than gift enough" People will still possibly get you a little something, but I'd expect you'd mostly just get checks from those who still send something, and you could put those towards the honeymoon without having a honeymoon registry (look those up on this board and you'll see exactly how well those go over!)

Avion22

You can always not register.  Howver, you run the risk of Aunt Sadie giving you the Melman the Girraffe Tea Cozy she made, or the chili pepper floor lamp that was on sale.  Then you have to figure out how to to get THOSE to the Bahamas....OR, you might be surprised by the really nice stuff people get you.   Some of my favorite wedding gifts weren't from our registry -- H's family have great taste and we got some very lovely Tiffany vases and bowls.  

Or youcould register for a few items that you need that are easy to mail.  New sheets or hand towels are easy to pack in a suitcase or mail.  People will see you have small registry and probably give you cash (though you still might get that tea cozy).   

Either way, you can spread the word that you have everything you need.   People will likely give you cash (which you are free to donate to any charity you wish).  Whatever you do, don't mention gifts on invitations, even if it's to request "no gifts please."   Use word of mouth.  You can even use word of mouth to request that people make a donation to a charity of THEIR choice, I suppose.

No matter what you do, realize that you have no control over what (if anything) people give you as a wedding gift.  No matter what your circumstances, you might get something you hate or something beautiful and unexpected.  Try not to control this too much, because you can't.

Joy2611

1)What's a good alternative to a gift registry? A very small gift registry (maybe 15 things).  It sends the message that you don't need a lot of stuff and that cash is the preferred gift.  Outright asking for cash is rude as hell.

2)Would it be inappropriate to ask our guests to contribute to our honeymoon fund, even though we can afford to pay for it ourselves? No, but it would be inappropriate to outright ask for cash in the form of a honeymoon registry.  Again, you can have a small registry and when people ask what you want for your wedding you can say "Oh, we have a registry at ** but we're also saving up for a nice honeymoon."  Now the ball is in the guest's court to do as they wish and you haven't said "GIMME MOOOOONEY!!!"

kmmssg

In Response to Re: Good alternative to gift registry??:

You can always not register.  Howver, you run the risk of Aunt Sadie giving you the Melman the Girraffe Tea Cozy she made, or the chili pepper floor lamp that was on sale.  Then you have to figure out how to to get THOSE to the Bahamas....OR, you might be surprised by the really nice stuff people get you.   Some of my favorite wedding gifts weren't from our registry -- H's family have great taste and we got some very lovely Tiffany vases and bowls.   Or youcould register for a few items that you need that are easy to mail.  New sheets or hand towels are easy to pack in a suitcase or mail.  People will see you have small registry and probably give you cash (though you still might get that tea cozy).    Either way, you can spread the word that you have everything you need.   People will likely give you cash (which you are free to donate to any charity you wish).  Whatever you do, don't mention gifts on invitations, even if it's to request "no gifts please."   Use word of mouth.  You can even use word of mouth to request that people make a donation to a charity of THEIR choice, I suppose. No matter what you do, realize that you have no control over what (if anything) people give you as a wedding gift.  No matter what your circumstances, you might get something you hate or something beautiful and unexpected.  Try not to control this too much, because you can't.
Posted by Avion22

Avion, I almost spit my coffee on the keyboard.  Melman the Giraffe tea cozy...  that was funny!

MrsGandthebeag

Just don't register.  People will give you cash.

Sleeper2013

In Response to Re:Good alternative to gift registry??:

Just don't register. nbsp;People will give you cash. Posted by MrsGandthebeag

Do keep in mind though that not everyone will give you cash. I, for one, would never give money as a gift.

FutureMrsMortimer

Thanks for all the comments/suggestions. They've helped narrow it down. I think I might register for just a few items...THANKS EVERYONE!!

RetreadBride

"We didn't register because we have a fully-stocked house, and shipping items to the Bahamas is difficult.  We're honored just to have our friends and family present.  Please feel free to make a donation to your favorite charity if you are so inclined."

Etiquette actually dictates that wedding gifts should be shipped to the bride's home, not brought to the wedding.  Put your address on your registry, and decline any showers that might be offered.

ccvasquez

I attended a wedding where the bride and groom had several high ticket items they wanted.  One of them was a new bed which cost hundreds of dollars, another was a realy nice camera (an upgrade for the bride), and another was to help them with the honeymoon.  Nothing wrong with that.  It was two grown ups that are merging two households and they have all the stuff they need, except for one or two big items that they requested.  I gave the amount I would have otherwise given anyway.  I let the couple decide how to spend it.  They did go on that honeymoon to Israel, so others must have given enough for them to go and enojoy it!

ccvasquez

I don't know what the culture is like where he is from.  Maybe asking, expecting and giving cash gifts is normal.  Who am I to judge a couple that does what is normal for their culture?

CourtaniaLynn

In Response to Re: Good alternative to gift registry??:

In Response to Re: Good alternative to gift registry?? : Avion, I almost spit my coffee on the keyboard.  Melman the Giraffe tea cozy...  that was funny!
Posted by kmmssg

Seriously, where do I register for THAT?