Registry and Gift Forum

Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception

We are having a small destination wedding (50-75 people) at Walt Disney World and then having an at-home reception.  I am not expecting people who attend the DW to get us a gift (their presence is enough for us), but because I will be having a shower or two as well as an at-home reception, I was thinking of doing a small registry.

I know some people think it is rude to register when you are just having an at-home reception, but a lot of the people I am inviting to that are used to it.  I grew up as a Mormon and, traditionally, Mormons have a private ceremony in a temple and then have a separate reception where they can invite anyone and the couple registers.  My only issue is that my fiance and his family are not Mormon and I'm worried that his parents might think it is rude to (1) have an at-home reception and (2) to register for gifts.  They are very opinionated people!

So my question is, knowing all of this information, should I still do a small registry?
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Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception

  • I think it would be fine. As you said, it's common in your circle and customary with your religious practice. Your fiance could explain that to them, I think.
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  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:6eb673a4-213e-4421-af78-99e16fecbb49">Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a small destination wedding (50-75 people) at Walt Disney World and then having an at-home reception.  I am not expecting people who attend the DW to get us a gift (their presence is enough for us), but because I will be having a shower or two as well as an at-home reception, I was thinking of doing a small registry. I know some people think it is rude to register when you are just having an at-home reception, but a lot of the people I am inviting to that are used to it.  I grew up as a Mormon and, traditionally, Mormons have a private ceremony in a temple and then have a separate reception where they can invite anyone and the couple registers.  My only issue is that my fiance and his family are not Mormon and I'm worried that his parents might think it is rude to (1) have an at-home reception and (2) to register for gifts.  They are very opinionated people! So my question is, knowing all of this information, should I still do a small registry?
    Posted by evanquil[/QUOTE]

    Yes, you can do a registry since you're having showers and guests at the wedding.

    The AHR thing is a bit of a problem. I don't think  you can use the Mormon tradition explanation in this case because you're not getting married at the temple. You're choosing to get married at Disney so that's not exclusive to religious practices.  Anyone who is invited to an AHR should be given an invite to the destination wedding as well.  The AHR is for people who couldn't attend due to travel expenses or scheduling but still be able to celebrate with the couple.  The general exception is a destination wedding with immediate family only and then having a larger AHR including friends and extended family.  But, that doesn't apply in your situation either since 50-75 isn't an intimate family-only wedding.
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  • All of the guests invited to the shower will be invited to the DW.
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  • What about the AHR guests?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • Are you doing the AHR in your hometown with mostly Mormons?

    Are you and FI both from the same town?

    IF you are doing the DW and then having an AHR or Open House style reception in your hometown with mostly Mormons, they might be less thrown off by it since many Mormons have AHRs after their marriage in a Temple elsewhere.

    However, just because the Mormons might be used to it doesn't make it not rude.
  • aegrishaegrish member
    First Comment
    Even with a DW, Guests will still want to get you gifts.  Do not tell them 'their presence is enough'.  They will still get you gifts, trust me.  We are having a DW and received a lot of gifts!   Pretty much everything on our registry.  Make at least a small registry at a store or 2 for the DW and AHR.  You do not need to send the registry info out (in-fact you shouldn't).  Guests will appreciate having a registry to buy off of, whether the are coming to the DW, AHR or neither or both.
  • I think having an AHR after have 50-75 people at the DW in Disney is unnecessary.  I would not share the registry info with anyone invited to the AHR.  You also should not be inviting anyone from the AHR-only guest list to a shower of any sorts.  That's just rude and gift grabby. 

    How many people are invited to the AHR anyway?  Seems really AW-y after you are already having a full wedding in Disney.
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    My husband and I recently had a Destination Wedding where we invited only immediate family and friends.  Then we had 3 AHRs (where I grew up, where he grew up, where we live together now) and invited over 500 people total.

    IMO I recommend registering for gifts in case people want to buy you an actual gift for the wedding and for the shower of course.  We actually got a decent amount of gifts from our registry, but we mainly got money.  And the kicker is that we wrote on the invitations to the AHRs "your friendship is important to us, we ask that you bring no gifts" or something like that because we didn't want people to be upset that they weren't invited to the DW and only to the AHR.  We really just wanted to celebrate with everyone back at home and it worked out really well.  I'm sure someone was insulted, but honestly most people were just really happy to celebrate (and they got free drinks and a free meal!).

  • Some people have been asking about how many people are being invited to the AHR so I just want to clarify so we are getting the correct information.

    Although we are having 50-75 people at the DW, believe it or not, it is mostly family with a handful of close friends.  Both my fiance and I come from large families and all of our siblings are married and some have children as well.  And the friends that we are inviting have significant others and children as well.  So in reality, we aren't inviting a lot of people that we normally would invite to a wedding in our hometown.

    We have not discussed how many people would be invited to the AHR, but it would probably be about 200+ people in addition to the people who were invited to the DW.

    We are still in the very beginning stages of wedding planning so anything that I am suggesting can be changed.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:0f2b0da4-1982-45b4-b2fa-730a90d3e286">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Some people have been asking about how many people are being invited to the AHR so I just want to clarify so we are getting the correct information. Although we are having 50-75 people at the DW, believe it or not, it is mostly family with a handful of close friends.  Both my fiance and I come from large families and all of our siblings are married and some have children as well.  And the friends that we are inviting have significant others and children as well.  So in reality, we aren't inviting a lot of people that we normally would invite to a wedding in our hometown. We have not discussed how many people would be invited to the AHR, but it would probably be about 200+ people in addition to the people who were invited to the DW. We are still in the very beginning stages of wedding planning so anything that I am suggesting can be changed.
    Posted by evanquil[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Couples that do this make think that they are taking their Wedding Carnival on the road.</div><div>
    </div><div>Come one! Come all!  Can't make it in this city? Don't worry! Look for dates in your hometown soon! Don't miss out on the wedding fun!!!!</div><div>
    </div><div>Not trying to be rude, I just think that couples get a wedding DAY.

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:b834952d-12e4-4174-a6dc-6b3e55ff2eb8">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I recently had a Destination Wedding where we invited only immediate family and friends.  Then we had 3 AHRs (where I grew up, where he grew up, where we live together now) and invited over 500 people total. IMO I recommend registering for gifts in case people want to buy you an actual gift for the wedding and for the shower of course.  We actually got a decent amount of gifts from our registry, but we mainly got money.  And the kicker is that we wrote on the invitations to the AHRs "your friendship is important to us, we ask that you bring no gifts" or something like that because we didn't want people to be upset that they weren't invited to the DW and only to the AHR.  We really just wanted to celebrate with everyone back at home and it worked out really well.  I'm sure someone was insulted, but honestly most people were just really happy to celebrate (and they got free drinks and a free meal!).
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    This one definitely sounds like a carnival.  3 different receptions plus a DW?  Doesn't that seem a little excessive?!?
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:1aa0b6d5-79d6-4886-bd24-1ef44f62aa6c">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : This one definitely sounds like a carnival.  3 different receptions plus a DW?  Doesn't that seem a little excessive?!?
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    It was totally excessive, but it's what my husband wanted!  We even had shirts made that said "Mr. & Mrs. Tour 2011."  But we really wanted to make it convenient for friends and family to attend and not have people travel and pay for expensive hotels (we live in downtown Chicago).  And we really were just doing it to celebrate (hence saying "no gifts"...even though we got gifts).  We bought dinner and drinks for everyone (over 300 people came total) and just had a lovely time catching up and celebrating.  I have cousins that are still talking about how nice the party was (in my hometown) and how it was unlike a normal wedding where you barely get to talk to the new Mr. and Mrs..

    Of course I'm sure someone was pissed or offended, but those people didn't come (we invited over 500). 
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:a38e7194-f79c-4932-a1e7-6affcd7cf06b">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : Couples that do this make think that they are taking their Wedding Carnival on the road. Come one! Come all!  Can't make it in this city? Don't worry! Look for dates in your hometown soon! Don't miss out on the wedding fun!!!! Not trying to be rude, I just think that couples get a wedding DAY.
    Posted by pearlaqua[/QUOTE]

    We called it Weddingpalooza or The Mr. & Mrs. Tour 2011 ;-)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:a5ff3546-9f8f-482b-a19e-4968833b2100">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : We called it Weddingpalooza or The Mr. & Mrs. Tour 2011 ;-)
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    It sounds like you thought it was cute.  I'm betting your friends thought it was AWish - not in a good way. 
  • Yeah, I'm of the opinion that you plan 1 wedding, invite who you'd like, and if they can't come, too bad, so sad, see you some other time. It takes all the guess work out of who to invite to what party.
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    i will never understand why people always sa, "No really we didn't want gifts, people just bought them for us anyway." Of course people are going to buy you gifts. That's one of the things that comes with a wedding. People don't HAVE to get you gifts, but odds are, someone out there, be it the DW guest or the AHR guest (which really they should be the same thing) will buy you a gift.

    Taking the "show on the road" is lame in my opinion. I promise friends and family that can't come to your wedding because of location are not going to be all butthurt you didn't throw a super special party in their hometown.

    That wasn't really directed at the OP, just people who do these kinds of things in general ::cough cough amys325::
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:790e4b3f-de63-42db-bfe3-803e07d2438e">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : It was totally excessive, but it's what my husband wanted!  We even had shirts made that said "Mr. & Mrs. Tour 2011."  But we really wanted to make it convenient for friends and family to attend and not have people travel and pay for expensive hotels (we live in downtown Chicago).  And we really were just doing it to celebrate (hence saying "no gifts"...even though we got gifts).  We bought dinner and drinks for everyone (over 300 people came total) and just had a lovely time catching up and celebrating.  I have cousins that are still talking about how nice the party was (in my hometown) and how it was unlike a normal wedding where you barely get to talk to the new Mr. and Mrs.. Of course I'm sure someone was pissed or offended, but those people didn't come (we invited over 500). 
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I seriously hope you are kidding.</div><div>
    </div><div>This extreme level of obnoxious behavior from a so called adult would piss off or offend more than a few people.  

    </div>
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    You all must seriously have no sense of humor!!! We realized how ridiculous it was and had fun with it! Luckily my friends and family saw the fun in it and came and had a great time. Free dinner....check Free booze....check No travel....check Hanging out with good friends and family....check Yeah, I can see why over 300 people were so offended...
  • amys you are just full of wisdom aren't you?
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  • saric83saric83 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper

    In regards to the AHR, I figure to each their own.  : ) Of course, these kinds of situations have the potential to offend some people, but it does really seem to vary tremendously.  With my circle of friends and family, it's been relatively common for people to have multiple VERY casual AHR's, and I have yet to hear of anyone who was offended by it (not to say that wasn't the case with some people, but I never heard a thing except positive comments.) 

    BTW - We're doing a DW, and for multiple reasons we've chosen not to have an AHR, and the feedback (no less than 30 calls or emails - seriously!) that we've received is that people are very upset with us.  They don't care that we've chosen a DW and didn't expect to be invited to that, but they're shocked that we're not doing something back here with the extended family and friends.  And this is from eight different sets of families (step-families included) and different circles of friends, so it's a pretty wide range of people who are more offended by our lack of AHR (which I think is crazy, but just wanted to show another side of it.) 

    Anyhoo....back to OP.  If you and FI want to register, go for it.  FI's family wouldn't even need to know about it unless they asked.  Definitely do NOT include it on any invitations, and those who want to find out about it will ask around your family.  Good luck!  

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:76ce3b5c-dacf-4c9c-a7b0-c1f61cc54bc1">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]You all must seriously have no sense of humor!!! We realized how ridiculous it was and had fun with it! Luckily my friends and family saw the fun in it and came and had a great time. Free dinner....check Free booze....check No travel....check Hanging out with good friends and family....check Yeah, I can see why over 300 people were so offended...
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes, because behaving like a spoiled 5 year old is SO hilarious.  </div><div>
    </div><div>People like you are the give sane brides a bad name.</div>
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:cd04270c-b2e7-453e-95ee-08de5b7a5cdf">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : Yes, because behaving like a spoiled 5 year old is SO hilarious.   People like you are the give sane brides a bad name.
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes, because having 3 extra receptions was all for me!  Yes, I loved to spend hundreds and thousands of dollars and hours upon hours of traveling all over.  We did it for our friends and family who wanted to celebrate with us.  They were casual receptions where people came for an hour or 2 at most.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I'm new to the Knot threads, but not new to wedding advice/information threads...and i am appalled at some of the attitudes from the members.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I am not a spoiled 5 year old, I am a very selfless 30 year old who did this for reasons that you obviously do not understand.  And I actually found the humour in it, which goes right over your head.</div><div>
    </div><div>
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  • pearlaquapearlaqua member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:ecd52281-881e-4fad-81e7-c43f874b82ed">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : Yes, because having 3 extra receptions was all for me!  Yes, I loved to spend hundreds and thousands of dollars and hours upon hours of traveling all over.  <strong>We did it for our friends and family who wanted to celebrate with us.  </strong>They were casual receptions where people came for an hour or 2 at most.   I'm new to the Knot threads, but not new to wedding advice/information threads...and i am appalled at some of the attitudes from the members.   I am not a spoiled 5 year old, I am a very selfless 30 year old who did this for reasons that you obviously do not understand.  And I actually found the humour in it, which goes right over your head.
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    <div>If they wanted to celebrate with you, they would have made the effort to come on your wedding day.</div><div>
    </div><div>If you wanted them to celebrate with you, you would have had them there on your wedding day.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
  • Ok.  Seriously, everyone on this board who is fighting are acting like children.  Amys did her wedding the way she wanted it and was happy.  If some of her guests were offended, that is between her and her guests.  None of you were invited so you all need to get over it.  I posted on this DB to get some advice for my upcoming wedding and all I am getting (with the exception of a handful) are just childish fights between people who have different opinions.  We are all different and are all trying to share with others our experiences of wedding planning.  There is absolutely no need to attack each other because they think differently than you.  If you could all just stop so I could get some real advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

    To those of you who have given me advice, thank you.  I will take it all to heart and will make the best decision for me and my fiance with your opinions bearing in my mind.
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  • We are having a DW with a backyard reception at home the weekend we get back.  We aren't having a shower and didn't plan on registering.  Because so many people kept asking about whether or not we registered and why we aren't, we finally gave in. I thought I would feel bad at first, but I don't.  Especially after how many people said that they still wanted to get us something even though they couldn't make it to the wedding.  Plus, any time someone goes to a reception they want to bring something.  We aren't expecting anything, but it gives people an option so they don't feel obligated to give money.  We didn't tell anyone we registered or write it on anything (besides our website) either.  We figure  if someone wants to buy us something that bad, they will ask our parents search via the website.
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  • That's pretty much the situation that I am in.  The AHR that I have in mind is just going to be a very casual backyard BBQ.  I know that some of the people we invite to the DW will not be able to attend.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:cc4b1a80-a9d8-4e5b-9f64-5c3843ca7228">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok.  Seriously, everyone on this board who is fighting are acting like children.  Amys did her wedding the way she wanted it and was happy.  If some of her guests were offended, that is between her and her guests.  None of you were invited so you all need to get over it.  I posted on this DB to get some advice for my upcoming wedding and all I am getting (with the exception of a handful) are just childish fights between people who have different opinions.  We are all different and are all trying to share with others our experiences of wedding planning.  There is absolutely no need to attack each other because they think differently than you.  If you could all just stop so I could get some real advice, I would greatly appreciate it. To those of you who have given me advice, thank you.  I will take it all to heart and will make the best decision for me and my fiance with your opinions bearing in my mind.
    Posted by evanquil[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Actually, just FYI, Amys is not a real person.  She's a troll who only posts to stir up trouble.</div><div>
    </div><div>And she's being over the top to make fun of people who do this stuff.  

    </div>
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:c36df804-088e-4f2c-9c01-b9c1709f8a01">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : Actually, just FYI, Amys is not a real person.  She's a troll who only posts to stir up trouble. And she's being over the top to make fun of people who do this stuff.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    I am not a troll...

    I don't post to stir up trouble, I post to offer up suggesting and give brides advice on what they ask.  Just because my opinions don't mesh with yours, doesn't mean I'm wrong. 

    And I wasn't being over the top to make fun of people....
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:c36df804-088e-4f2c-9c01-b9c1709f8a01">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : Actually, just FYI, Amys is not a real person.  She's a troll who only posts to stir up trouble. And she's being over the top to make fun of people who do this stuff.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    Completely agree with you.  I pulled out a troll pic on another thread but I think she blocked my posts because she didn't respond....<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />  I must have gotten under her trolly skin
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_destination-wedding-w-home-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:71c0c70c-4ba4-4870-875b-992f515d72fcPost:7d777fd5-18dd-45f5-add5-11f17135d9e8">Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding w/ at-home reception : I am not a troll... I don't post to stir up trouble, I post to offer up suggesting and give brides advice on what they ask.  Just because my opinions don't mesh with yours, doesn't mean I'm wrong.  And I wasn't being over the top to make fun of people....see pic below... :)
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    You don't give advice.  You just say: Do whatever you want it's YOUR day!!!!!!!  Ahem see my post in Customs and Traditions where you got in a post war with redhead.
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