Worst idea ever

Goldlie11

Check this out

http://weddingfutures.com/

Seriously, when did having a wedding turn into an excuse to beg for money?  I think that this is ridiculous.  If you want money, don't register and spread the word that you're saving for XYZ.  Please tell me you agree that investment registries are too much.  

Galaxy8227

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:681e3d11-114f-4009-ac79-f426b38b7c85">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]It baffles me that anybody thinks they need to register for cash.  Everybody knows that cash is welcome, and if that's what they want to give, they don't need a gimmicky website in order to do so.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

This

hglebocki

Sorry, but I must disagree, I think its actually clever. Who wouldn't want a Google stock now when you got it 10 years ago at a fraction of the price? Its a better investment than the china set you'll probably use once or twice and will be kept at your parents' place till you have more room in a new house/apartment/ect.. And its less tacky than having a contribution fund to your honeymoon.... Plus, you get a return on investment I don't think its that bad. Unless its a scam of course. And all your friends in i-banking and finance will get excited. ha.

AiliSalo

Investment registries are super tacky!!!

goetzr19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:7c2d6403-4e58-4daa-ac57-cdb8afee7ce7">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]If I saw a registry like that, I would just buy stocks to whatever company looked like it was about to bankrupt at the time.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

This is hilarious.  I agree!

deserella

I totally agree.  Wedding presents are to help a couple get started in their knew home.

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]So for all of you ladies who think asking for cash is tacky...what do you ask for?  I mean it is customary to let your guests know what you'd like them to get you...just like its costomary to have a first dance and toss the bouquet.  If you already have all of the towels and dishes that you need, what do you ask for?  I just want to know your thoughs...
Posted by hburroughs[/QUOTE]
Hi hb, the thing is you can still ask, in a way - it's just in the way you do it:
-Don't register - or keep a very small registry for those guests who you think would want to give you a physical gift no matter what, some people just prefer not to give cash - and also decline any showers offered, as those are gift-giving events.
-Tell your family and WP to spread the word if anyone asks that (you have a small registry at ____, and also) you're saving up for ______, so money would be very much appreciated.
-If they ask you directly, you can say pretty much the same thing as just above. If someone asked me directly, I personally would take off the "so money would be very much appreciated" part to make it more subtle.

ETA: Ladies, there's nothing wrong with wanting money as a gift. It's perfectly understandable - you have lots of stuff already and you want to pad your savings/pool for a larger item/save for a vacation/etc. The problem is not with wanting that, but with being in-your-face about it. Word of mouth, keeping a small registry, saying you're saving for something when asked directly - that's all subtle. Putting money on a registry is not.

sedarcreek

Tacky or not, it's practical. In an economy where people are having small weddings, struggling to pay thier bills and in lottery pools for thier childrens education, I do not think that registering for survival and or your future over china and silverware should be scrutinized. I think that people need to let go of this "Leave it to Beaver" mentality that seems to occur when a wedding is being planned. If you don't like it then give something you're more comfortable with, like nakpin rings (for the table they may or may not be able to afford to serve turkey dinner at). A wedding is supposed to be a "communities celebration and support" of a couples love. So I say register for what you need whether it be stocks, china, or grocery gift cards. A wedding should never be about what you bring to the table, but rather the love that surrounds it. 

[Deleted User]

actually, you can still have showers.

My Aunt is throwing me one themed "dinner in/dinner out"

everyone brings their favorite recipe for when I want to stay in and cook for my man AND they bring a restaurant gift card for when I decide not to cook, and go out to eat instead.

Such a great idea, I'm so excited for that shower!

masonwalker

I like the idea.  I also like registering for honeymoons.  Who cares what the proper etiquette is, it is the bride and grooms day, they can do whatever they want. 

melissa_clare

I disagree that it's poor etiquette to register for a honeymoon, and I guess the investment registery is a similar idea. What is poor etiquette is to EXPECT a gift, be it housewares OR cash.
We felt weird even creating a registry, but our parents really insisted and when I thought about weddings I'd been to I realized the guests who want to buy a gift are a lot more comfortable getting something they know the couple would like, so they look to a registry. We put a note at the top of our registry saying something like "the best gift we can recieve is your joining in this celebration with us", a classier way of saying "we're not inviting you to this just so we can get something out of you, but because we want you there".
I like honeymoon registries. I went to a wedding recently for a couple who didn't have a registry and I gave them cash. It felt a bit impersonal - I would have liked to pick something off a honeymoon or 'savings' registry. They can still do what they want with it, but I like the idea of saying "I'm giving  you a romantic dinner in Madrid".

dannipaul

I think you're being way too judgemental about this and projecting your values onto others.  Look the gift registry exists in order for the couple to let their guests know exactly what they need and/or want.  Why does that have to translate to material goods?  If the couple would rather have the money go towards an investment, then that is their choice and there is nothing tacky about it!  It's no different than dictating where guests are to buy your gifts and what they are to buy at said retailer. 
As far as someone else's comment about honeymoon registries being even more tacky - again you're being very judgemental and ignorant.  My fiance and I are setting up a honeymoon fund simply because we've been living together for awhile and have created a nice home together.  We do not need any STUFF to add clutter to our place.
Look, it comes down to this...our guests are going to give money in one form or another.  Gift registries communicate our wishes for what we want that money to go towards.  Times they are a changin and "gifts" take many forms. Let's just go with the flow OK?

sedarcreek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:0c818017-b661-474f-a75d-1a7419cbbdab">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]So.... because you're struggling, you should put that right in your guests' faces and make it their business? What I've said is the proper etiquette. If you feel it's so "Leave It To Beaver" (a comparison that doesn't even make any sense, btw), then just leave it alone. But for people who actually want to do the polite thing? They now know how to. I'm sorry you don't like what the etiquette on the matter is, but it is still the proper etiquette. Some people actually care about that stuff.
Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]

Firstly, I would like to say that I was simply sharing an opinion. Secondly, I never said that I thought it was proper etiquette or that etiquette is not important.I was simply playing devils advocate.
For the record, I am fairly etiquette forward and have done both a small traditional registry and subsequently asked that my guests make a donation to a charity or foundation that is close to their heart, in leu of presentation, since my husband to be and I have lived together for several years and I was given my grandmothers wedding china, silver etc.
I do however feel that people, especially on thier wedding day should focus on
what makes them happy, and spend less energy on appeasing others and complying with turn of the century aptness. Do what fits you and makes you and your husband to be happy.

jlhami1

I think that registering for household gifts is pretty pointless, especially if you have been living with someone for a period of time. Dave and I have lived together for 4 years and have tons of things. BUT, I think having a registry is VERY important. People want to  know what to give you and your friend from high school that still works at a coffee shop might not feel comfortable giving money. We are registering for items that need upgrading, including camping equipment...and a "New House Fund." On Myresgistry.com you can register for pretty much anything. This has helped because we don't want tons of household items but could use a water filtration system for camping. 

Like I said before, people want to know what you want. Having a fund set up saying specially what the money is for, like a honeymoon fund or new home fund, helps people feel like they are contributing to something significant in your life...not just handing you cash to do whatever. 

TicaAngel00

From one Danielle (Dannipaul) to another:  I couldn't have said it better myself!

kelleremily4774

My FI and I are in our 30's and have been on our own for a long time.  We are having a small registry at Target that includes linens, some household items, and tools so our friends can buy from that.  We are verbally letting our families know that we would rather have gift cards to Lowe's or Home Depot since we just moved into a house in April.  Not really sure how the shower will go, but we still have a few months to add to the Target list.

If someone doesn't have much money, like the woman whose FI is going into the seminary, there shouldn't be anything wrong with asking for gift cards to local grocery stores, etc.  especially if they don't have the need or room for the normal household gifts.

Setting up an investment fund seems a bit tacky unless you and your family/friends are big into that lifestyle.

snwilson0416

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:01a459a7-7dfc-417a-ad23-4afa7c40ab6a">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, there are many who DON'T know wedding etiquette on asking for money instead of having a registry.  So don't get all insulting on those of us who don't.  And yes, "Leave it to Beaver" is a good way of saying the old traditional ways of our parents and grandparents.  It's used all over the place. As for asking for money, true it is best if you do it word-of-mouth, or other subtle ways, but sometimes being blunt, yet tactful about it is the best way to do it.  My Fiance's cousin asked for money on a separate card along with the invite saying that they already had everything they needed, but were trying to save up for a Honeymoon and would prefer if money was given as a gift.  It worked out well for them.  And while some families and friends my be too traditional and get offended, if they really love you, and know your situation, asking for money is perfectly fine.  It's just a bad idea to do a registry.    <strong>I, myself, am writing a letter right now that will go out to family asking for money or our wedding.  My fiance and I have struggled for almost a year to stay afloat and while we are now both working, we still have no money for the low-cost, simple wedding we have planned.  So we are going to send out a nice looking letter telling them our plans, how we already have all that we need (thanks to my dad and brother moving and down sizing), and that we need money for a wedding to even be possible.   </strong>Like my situation, or others, if you need the money, then it is ok to ask for it. Just do it tactfully.  If you already have all that you need and don't really NEED money, then just don't have a registry.  Instead put a box at the guest sign in table in case guests still want to give money as a gift. Now if you were asking for money for a honeymoon, some booking agencies and websites can set up a way for family and friends to give money towards that honeymoon specifically.  Just do your homework to make sure that the Agency is legitimate fire before you set it up.  
Posted by Zekina734[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>...</div><div>WHAT?</div><div>There are just no words. None. 

</div>

acdc20

I have a honeymoon registry and frankly I could careless who thinks it's tacky. My fiance and I already live together and therefore have all the household items we need, but because we are paying for this wedding ourselves and wouldn't be able to afford a honeymoon on top of it we registered for one. I realize its like asking for money in a different fashion but frankly I don't give a damn.  I am currently in school, so my fiance is the only one bring in money and this is what we wanted. There is always someone who is going to think that some part of your wedding is tacky, there is just no way around it. So I just came to the conclusion from the start that, I have a tacky wedding, but at least it's one I can be happy about.

SJAuciello

Agreed! I am not a greedy person and I don't expect my guests to buy me anything but if they want to help us out I would rather they help us pay off our debts than buy us another blender or toaster or whatever generic appliance they can think of. My fiancée and I have worked hard to get where we are and we don't need much,so I don't think asking to help pay off his quarter of a million dollars in med school expenses is too much to ask! I know both of our families would be more than willing to help us out anyway they can... frankly I would feel materialistic asking for more registry items to clutter your homes.

StargazerLily07

I've read and re-read all of these messages a few times, just to make sure I'm getting this right. What I don't understand is why whoever posted this "worst registry idea EVER" thing even did it in the first place? Was it just to create an argument between traditional couples and non traditional ones? Or the ones with money and the ones who don't have a cent to their name? HONESTLY!!! I've had many invitations to all sorts of weddings, 1 couple added into their invitation that if so desired, anyone wanting to contribute could make a donation for them to go on a honeymoon.. to a place they had always dreamed about going, and just did not have the money to take themselves. They had already been living together for 6 years and didn't need anything else.. what is wrong with that? They did get enough contributions to send them on that trip, and it made them so rediculously happy. They have so many good memories about that trip and their wedding, and everyone that helped get them there.

I think that it's better than putting "CASH ONLY PLEASE" is it not? I personally DO see a huge difference. And in the end, all anyone really wants is for the Bride and the Groom to be happy, isn't it? If it is, then what does it matter what you have to do to make it that way? If it's giving cash, a gift that's already been chosen for you by the bride and groom, or a donation of any size for any budget towards a dream honeymoon.. WHO CARES!?! Get over yourselves and realize that it's not about YOU, it's about THEM.. just for that ONE DAY! Not a lot of people get that, even when getting married. In the end, they are the ones that have to live with their decision about their gifts.. not the people buying them.

I personally am greatful for whatever I get, by whatever means I recieve it. I'm having a very small wedding, beautiful, but small. I don't have a lot of friends because my fiance and I simply do not have the money to be out going to bars, or spending a ton of money on going to restraunts, or even go to the movies.. so we sit at home by ourselves, and play video games or rent movies. We've been doing this for 5 years, just trying to save up enough to even get married.. and we don't live together, so we need EVERYTHING! We're even getting married on a SUNDAY to save money.. and we're getting $1500 off the price of the hall rental, and almost 50% off the catering. Since we don't have a lot of friends though we wont be getting any showers, his bachelor party is a few guys, BYOB at a cottage they're borrowing from a friend for free for a weekend. My bachelorette is getting our nails done 2 days before the wedding, and going out to lunch as a group. We can't afford to go on a honeymoon, maybe go away to a hotel for the following weekend, a whole 2 nights and 2 days.. but that's 2 nights and 2 days that we get to be together, just the 2 of us.. with no distractions.

So we're relying on our guests to hopefully give us cash, so that WE can decide what we really need, rather than HOPE that people can pick something off the registry that they can afford, and that we can't live without. The only reason we even set up a registry was to appease our parents and in-laws, and once we set it up we found out that whatever still exists on the registry, for 1 year after the date of our wedding, we can go in and purchase at 10% off the original OR sale prices, which has been a huge relief. We are now going in the day before the wedding to register for anything we can think of that we may need now or in the first year of marriage. (This is NOT intended to be a sob story, and I am NOT looking for pitty, because I know my day will be perfect, because of the people who are going to be there, even if i don't have what i need for a little while.. i know that i can always borrow theirs if i need to.)

What you all need to understand is that it's not up to you to decide what the bride and groom really need, it's up to them. And what they want more than anything is your love and support, not for you to throw a wad of cash at them and say BE HAPPY, IT BETTER BE AN OPEN BAR (oh, i've gotten that already.) So why don't you all just SHUT UP about what the bride and groom are requesting, and try your best to make them happy? And STOP BEING SO JUDGEMENTAL! It's so childish. Forget etiquette. It doesn't factor into harsh economical times.

StargazerLily07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:01a459a7-7dfc-417a-ad23-4afa7c40ab6a">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, there are many who DON'T know wedding etiquette on asking for money instead of having a registry.  So don't get all insulting on those of us who don't.  And yes, "Leave it to Beaver" is a good way of saying the old traditional ways of our parents and grandparents.  It's used all over the place. As for asking for money, true it is best if you do it word-of-mouth, or other subtle ways, but sometimes being blunt, yet tactful about it is the best way to do it.  My Fiance's cousin asked for money on a separate card along with the invite saying that they already had everything they needed, but were trying to save up for a Honeymoon and would prefer if money was given as a gift.  It worked out well for them.  And while some families and friends my be too traditional and get offended, if they really love you, and know your situation, asking for money is perfectly fine.  It's just a bad idea to do a registry.    I, myself, am writing a letter right now that will go out to family asking for money or our wedding.  My fiance and I have struggled for almost a year to stay afloat and while we are now both working, we still have no money for the low-cost, simple wedding we have planned.  So we are going to send out a nice looking letter telling them our plans, how we already have all that we need (thanks to my dad and brother moving and down sizing), and that we need money for a wedding to even be possible.   Like my situation, or others, if you need the money, then it is ok to ask for it. Just do it tactfully.  If you already have all that you need and don't really NEED money, then just don't have a registry.  Instead put a box at the guest sign in table in case guests still want to give money as a gift. Now if you were asking for money for a honeymoon, some booking agencies and websites can set up a way for family and friends to give money towards that honeymoon specifically.  Just do your homework to make sure that the Agency is legitimate fire before you set it up.  
Posted by Zekina734[/QUOTE]

REALLY!? My Fiance and I may not have a lot of money.. but we do still have some. And if you can't afford any wedding at all, it is extremely rude to expect your family to pay for one for you. Especially if your father AND brother have already changed their entire life to help you out. I am speaking as a family member who has been asked to do that. My brother and his now ex wife took off and got married, and didn't tell anyone about it for weeks, they lived seperately and didn't even see eachother! When they finally told us about it, they put it on us to support them, because she was still in highschool, and he was on disability! My mom and I have a tri-plex and did take them in, we bought them everything they needed as a newly married couple.. and what did they do? They threw it in our face, and they threw everything (including the $400 lagostina pots & pans we got them) in the GARBAGE! They said now that they had money they would start their own life together. Their marriage only lasted 8 months, because they expected everything to just be handed to them.. and that's what it sounds like you are expecting. I don't mean to be rude, but asking for money towards a honeymoon, and sending a letter out asking for people to pay for an entire wedding, no matter how "low cost" it is, is completely different. And THAT is just plain RUDE.
I'm getting a line of credit for my wedding, it's small and low cost, and I may be getting it on credit, but i am still not asking for my family to pay for anything. They have graciously offered to contribute, and I have taken them up on things like my aunt doing the photography for free, and helping me make my invitations.. but i would NEVER expect or even ask for anything more. If you can't pay for it yourself, you wait until you can, you you don't do it at all.
Think about all that your family has already done for you before you go asking them to do even more. No matter how close you are with them or how much they love you or ANYTHING. Show some respect and realize that while you may be financially unstable, maybe they are too. Maybe they aren't, but they still shouldnt be expected to pay for your wedding. Obviously if you are living together, having a wedding isn't going to change anything much.. just wait and get yourselves financially stable and THEN have a wedding

THAT's my 2 cents worth, and I would think that MOST people would agree with me.. and those that don't, think the same way as you do. The world doesn't owe you a wedding just because you want one. I have waited 5 years for one.. and I am now going to get one.. on my own, with no regrets, and without being ashamed or having to pitifully beg for money.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:01a459a7-7dfc-417a-ad23-4afa7c40ab6a">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, there are many who DON'T know wedding etiquette on asking for money instead of having a registry.  So don't get all insulting on those of us who don't.  And yes, "Leave it to Beaver" is a good way of saying the old traditional ways of our parents and grandparents.  It's used all over the place. As for asking for money, true it is best if you do it word-of-mouth, or other subtle ways, but sometimes being blunt, yet tactful about it is the best way to do it.  My Fiance's cousin asked for money on a separate card along with the invite saying that they already had everything they needed, but were trying to save up for a Honeymoon and would prefer if money was given as a gift.  It worked out well for them.  And while some families and friends my be too traditional and get offended, if they really love you, and know your situation, asking for money is perfectly fine.  It's just a bad idea to do a registry.   <strong> I, myself, am writing a letter right now that will go out to family asking for money or our wedding.  My fiance and I have struggled for almost a year to stay afloat and while we are now both working, we still have no money for the low-cost, simple wedding we have planned.  So we are going to send out a nice looking letter telling them our plans, how we already have all that we need (thanks to my dad and brother moving and down sizing), and that we need money for a wedding to even be possible.   Like my situation, or others, if you need the money, then it is ok to ask for it. Just do it tactfully. </strong> If you already have all that you need and don't really NEED money, then just don't have a registry.  Instead put a box at the guest sign in table in case guests still want to give money as a gift. Now if you were asking for money for a honeymoon, some booking agencies and websites can set up a way for family and friends to give money towards that honeymoon specifically.  Just do your homework to make sure that the Agency is legitimate fire before you set it up.  
Posted by Zekina734[/QUOTE]

Unbelievable.  Let me point out to you that the ONLY things NEEDED for a wedding are a bride, groom, officiant, license and in some states, a witness to the ceremony.

What is wrong with planning a wedding that YOU can afford yourselves.  Maybe it won't be the PPD wedding, but really?  You're going to ask your family to cover a party that you don't need to have to be married?

My mom and dad had a wedding that included my grandmas and two of my uncles.  My mom wore a suit that she had.  My dad wore his navy uniform.  He scraped together enough money to get my mom an orchid corsage.

Until the moment my mom died, 63 years later, they were the happiest married couple I have ever, ever known.  And to think.  They were able to have that happy marriage without a big, elaborate wedding.

If you have to ask your families to fund your party, your priorities are seriously, seriously misplaced.

When my kids were little, we taught them to distinguish between whether they NEEDED something, or WANTED something.  It was a valuable lesson for them.  It still is.  It would be for you as well.

malmalkasian

I think that websites asking for contributions to large things like houses and cars and even honeymoons is kind of like saying "Even though we will be married responsible adults we have a complete inability to save our money"  Gifts should be things you would be too modest to buy for yourself.  Guests don't want the awkward feeling that they're being asked to contribute to the financially challenged couple's basic life necessities... like groceries (i saw it on that first website posted)... thats just sad...

luagirl77

I always hate having to go gift-buying out of obligation.  When I find a perfect gift for someone, I buy it right then and there, even if there is no occasion coming up.  There is just something magical about getting someone something you know they'll love.

However, I also remember being on the other side of that, receiving a warm, heart-felt gift that was so special to the giver, but really, just something I ended up keeping out of respect for the person who gave it to me.  

I think practical, yet also personal gifts are the best, and when I saw the link for a contribution to someone's investment fund, I, as a gift-giver, thought, what a Wonderful way to give a gift that keeps on giving!  

I do not think it is tacky at all!  Especially, with the effects of compounded interest.  I know nothing about investing.  My parents never did, and my years just keep on passing as I wait till I get "informed enough" to make some kind of a move.  I mean, I have a savings account, but it doesn't seem to grow, because I keep cutting into it (like I did for my down payments to vendors).  I should've started investing when I got my first job.  The sooner you do, the more money you make.  

I think this is a way for others who may have the know-how, to help you in a way that would be wisest for the length of your marriage (and life).  I don't think it is equivalent to asking for cash, but then again, I don't know whether you can just sell the shares right away or what.  

I think it is a GREAT gift idea and I'm going to run it by my fiance.  Sure, we still have some of the plastic dishes we used in our dorm rooms, and yeah, all our furniture was given to us by family or friends and none of it matches, or is falling apart.  But we don't care about appearances.  We care about people we love and the good times we share with our friends and family.  All of our guests will be coming from out of town.  They may not want to pack a gift or have to go shopping in a place they've never been.  Just their coming to our wedding will be all we ever wanted.  But if they insist on giving you something, why not something that is convenient and long-term.  I think it's almost like a good will blessing for the long-term commitment we are making to each other.

Goldlie11

A couple of comments...

First of all, Stargazerlily, I can post whatever I like.  I started the post to find out what others thought about the registry.  I don't see how that's not obvious.  Why does anyone post on these boards?

The point many people are trying to make here isn't that you have to register for physical gifts that you don't want.  I know plenty of people who got married and did not register.  That's fine.  Most of the guests will get the hint that you'd prefer cash.  And word of mouth will take care of the rest.  

When you receive money as a wedding gift, there are no strings attached.  When you have these kinds of registries, you are obligated to use the money in a certain way.  Why put that pressure on yourself?  

adriacw

Why? We already have most things we'd normaly register for. In lieu of registering we are using something like that to help us pay for the honey moon  and/or put towards our first house. How is this different from giving a giftcard?

StargazerLily07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:01a459a7-7dfc-417a-ad23-4afa7c40ab6a">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, there are many who DON'T know wedding etiquette on asking for money instead of having a registry.  So don't get all insulting on those of us who don't.  And yes, "Leave it to Beaver" is a good way of saying the old traditional ways of our parents and grandparents.  It's used all over the place. As for asking for money, true it is best if you do it word-of-mouth, or other subtle ways, but sometimes being blunt, yet tactful about it is the best way to do it.  My Fiance's cousin asked for money on a separate card along with the invite saying that they already had everything they needed, but were trying to save up for a Honeymoon and would prefer if money was given as a gift.  It worked out well for them.  And while some families and friends my be too traditional and get offended, if they really love you, and know your situation, asking for money is perfectly fine.  It's just a bad idea to do a registry.    I, myself, am writing a letter right now that will go out to family asking for money or our wedding.  My fiance and I have struggled for almost a year to stay afloat and while we are now both working, we still have no money for the low-cost, simple wedding we have planned.  So we are going to send out a nice looking letter telling them our plans, how we already have all that we need (thanks to my dad and brother moving and down sizing), and that we need money for a wedding to even be possible.   Like my situation, or others, if you need the money, then it is ok to ask for it. Just do it tactfully.  If you already have all that you need and don't really NEED money, then just don't have a registry.  Instead put a box at the guest sign in table in case guests still want to give money as a gift. Now if you were asking for money for a honeymoon, some booking agencies and websites can set up a way for family and friends to give money towards that honeymoon specifically.  Just do your homework to make sure that the Agency is legitimate fire before you set it up.  
Posted by Zekina734[/QUOTE]

Wedding etiquette aside, it is just plain rude and selfish to expect a family that has already given you so much, to pay for your wedding as well.. no matter how modest it may be. Seriously, think about it. Sending out a letter pittifully asking everyone for money to pay for your wedding? A wedding that doesn't need to happen at this point, it's rediculous. And theres no tactful way to beg for money. If you have everything to set up, and you're just finally working.. why not wait and save the money up yourself? That would make much more sense than "tactfully asking for the money for a simple wedding", after they've already given you so much.. you can wait, and save the money, pay for it yourself, and proudly put on a wedding, knowing that you didnt have to shamefully ask anyone for money to be able to afford it. My fiance and I dont have a lot of money, but we do have some, and we have enough to put on a small wedding, and that is all that we need. Think about your financial situation, and if you are not financially stable, WAIT! Don't put that burden on your loving family that has already done so much for you. Think before you act... man, i feel like im explaining manners to my 4 year old nephew.

Ewoot25

Wow, I've got to completely disagree about the impropriety  of asking for money. I am marrying into a Chinese family, and it is actually considered an insult to buy a newly wed couple a gift instead of giving the couple money. My fiance and I also live in Hong Kong and our wedding will be in the US, and it would be a nightmare to bring gifts back with us, and it would also be ridiculous to ship items, as the shipping cost would exceed price of most gifts.

In light of our situation, in which our most of our guests find asking for store credit completely expected, we are registering for gift certificates.

In other situations in the United States, however, I think it is quite harsh to judge young Western couples who need money more than a variety of home appliances. We live in different times now and antiquated etiquette just isn't relevant anymore.

chaiteachick

For what it's worth, technically it's tacky to register at ALL--that is just another way of saying "We are inviting you--buy us something." I am not sure I will ask for money OR have a registry; I was brought up in a high class society where this is considered tacky. I have no doubt that I will be thrown at least two, and probably three showers (and everyone will know what we want/need because my mother and aunts are magic). Additionally, bf is Israeli, and it's traditional for them to give money as gifts. I suppose this means that I don't have to worry, so it's okay for me to be picky about the etiquette on this. :-P I do admit, though, that a registry is safer, and in most cases (where you don't have a mother who is, like, 200% against them because they are considered "tacky" in some circles), they are a good idea. I can't honestly say about money, though, unless it is expected in your religion/culture.

Just know that technically, asking or hinting for gifts, even in the form of a registry, is technically "poor etiquette." However, everyone does it these days. I don't look down on people who register or ask for money, but my mother DEFINITELY does. (What can I say? Different generations...)

Our children will be baffled that any of us ever batted an eyelash at asking for money instead of gifts, just like our generation generally sees absolutely no problem with gift registries.

Just my 2 cents.

chaiteachick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:2fac71d6-cdc5-4297-8659-3c0dc7942df6">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]I've read and re-read all of these messages a few times, just to make sure I'm getting this right. What I don't understand is why whoever posted this "worst registry idea EVER" thing even did it in the first place? Was it just to create an argument between traditional couples and non traditional ones? Or the ones with money and the ones who don't have a cent to their name? HONESTLY!!!  I've had many invitations to all sorts of weddings, 1 couple added into their invitation that if so desired, anyone wanting to contribute could make a donation for them to go on a honeymoon.. to a place they had always dreamed about going, and just did not have the money to take themselves. They had already been living together for 6 years and didn't need anything else.. what is wrong with that? They did get enough contributions to send them on that trip, and it made them so rediculously happy. They have so many good memories about that trip and their wedding, and everyone that helped get them there. I think that it's better than putting "CASH ONLY PLEASE" is it not? I personally DO see a huge difference. And in the end, all anyone really wants is for the Bride and the Groom to be happy, isn't it? If it is, then what does it matter what you have to do to make it that way? If it's giving cash, a gift that's already been chosen for you by the bride and groom, or a donation of any size for any budget towards a dream honeymoon.. WHO CARES!?! Get over yourselves and realize that it's not about YOU, it's about THEM.. just for that ONE DAY! Not a lot of people get that, even when getting married. In the end, they are the ones that have to live with their decision about their gifts.. not the people buying them. I personally am greatful for whatever I get, by whatever means I recieve it. I'm having a very small wedding, beautiful, but small. I don't have a lot of friends because my fiance and I simply do not have the money to be out going to bars, or spending a ton of money on going to restraunts, or even go to the movies.. so we sit at home by ourselves, and play video games or rent movies. We've been doing this for 5 years, just trying to save up enough to even get married.. and we don't live together, so we need EVERYTHING! We're even getting married on a SUNDAY to save money.. and we're getting $1500 off the price of the hall rental, and almost 50% off the catering. Since we don't have a lot of friends though we wont be getting any showers, his bachelor party is a few guys, BYOB at a cottage they're borrowing from a friend for free for a weekend. My bachelorette is getting our nails done 2 days before the wedding, and going out to lunch as a group. We can't afford to go on a honeymoon, maybe go away to a hotel for the following weekend, a whole 2 nights and 2 days.. but that's 2 nights and 2 days that we get to be together, just the 2 of us.. with no distractions. So we're relying on our guests to hopefully give us cash, so that WE can decide what we really need, rather than HOPE that people can pick something off the registry that they can afford, and that we can't live without. The only reason we even set up a registry was to appease our parents and in-laws, and once we set it up we found out that whatever still exists on the registry, for 1 year after the date of our wedding, we can go in and purchase at 10% off the original OR sale prices, which has been a huge relief. We are now going in the day before the wedding to register for anything we can think of that we may need now or in the first year of marriage. (This is NOT intended to be a sob story, and I am NOT looking for pitty, because I know my day will be perfect, because of the people who are going to be there, even if i don't have what i need for a little while.. i know that i can always borrow theirs if i need to.) What you all need to understand is that it's not up to you to decide what the bride and groom really need, it's up to them. And what they want more than anything is your love and support , not for you to throw a wad of cash at them and say BE HAPPY, IT BETTER BE AN OPEN BAR (oh, i've gotten that already.) So why don't you all just SHUT UP about what the bride and groom are requesting, and try your best to make them happy? And STOP BEING SO JUDGEMENTAL! It's so childish. Forget etiquette. It doesn't factor into harsh economical times.
Posted by StargazerLily07[/QUOTE]


WOOHOOOOO!!!!! I like your style. :-D

chaiteachick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_worst-idea-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:7c7d9e19-8687-42ee-bf3a-86163446bf3bPost:1445bbcd-eab3-470a-ba71-b519c6ed968c">Re: Worst idea ever</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Worst idea ever : Unbelievable.  Let me point out to you that the ONLY things NEEDED for a wedding are a bride, groom, officiant, license and in some states, a witness to the ceremony. What is wrong with planning a wedding that YOU can afford yourselves.  Maybe it won't be the PPD wedding, but really?  You're going to ask your family to cover a party that you don't need to have to be married? My mom and dad had a wedding that included my grandmas and two of my uncles.  My mom wore a suit that she had.  My dad wore his navy uniform. <strong> He scraped together enough money to get my mom an orchid corsage. </strong>Until the moment my mom died, 63 years later, they were the happiest married couple I have ever, ever known.  And to think.  They were able to have that happy marriage without a big, elaborate wedding. If you have to ask your families to fund your party, your priorities are seriously, seriously misplaced. When my kids were little, we taught them to distinguish between whether they NEEDED something, or WANTED something.  It was a valuable lesson for them.  It still is.  It would be for you as well.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]


OMG, this almost made me cry. I am so happy for the life your parents led together.

My grandparents were the same. Funny how that works out. :)

Thank you for the touching story. <3