Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet...

entropicbeauty

More of a vent than a question about registering etc...but relating to showers so that's why I've put it on this board.

My man of honor offered to throw me a shower and I declined. My mother wanted to throw me a shower and I declined. My FMIL is, however, INSISTING on throwing me a shower (I tried to decline and she would not take "no" for an answer).

I find showers to be incredibly awkward and I hate the idea of people gathering just to watch someone open gifts.

I would fight her on the shower issue, but this is not a battle I feel is really worth fighting if it will make her THAT happy. I'm going to make FI participate as well so it will be a little less awkward and I am trying to view it more as an opportunity for our families to get to know one another before the wedding.

Questions for you: Are you having a shower? Did you want a shower? What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower? Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower?

I seriously hadn't thought of any of this stuff because I really didn't think I would be having a shower...

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-when-i-thought-id-dodged-a-bullet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f61d2a8-3468-4086-aade-fdc3816f025aPost:4c69927e-6e99-43ae-89c3-41abd70c6f59">Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet...</a>:
[QUOTE]More of a vent than a question about registering etc...but relating to showers so that's why I've put it on this board. My man of honor offered to throw me a shower and I declined. My mother wanted to throw me a shower and I declined. My FMIL is, however, INSISTING on throwing me a shower (I tried to decline and she would not take "no" for an answer). I find showers to be incredibly awkward and I hate the idea of people gathering just to watch someone open gifts. I would fight her on the shower issue, but this is not a battle I feel is really worth fighting if it will make her THAT happy. I'm going to make FI participate as well so it will be a little less awkward and I am trying to view it more as an opportunity for our families to get to know one another before the wedding. Questions for you: Are you having a shower? Did you want a shower? What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower? Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower? I seriously hadn't thought of any of this stuff because I really didn't think I would be having a shower...
Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]
<strong>Are you having a shower?</strong> Yes. It's a secret, but I'm pretty sure it's this Saturday<div>
</div><div><strong>Did you want a shower? </strong>Yes. It is an experience that I want to share with my family & friends. Plus, I'm moving out of home, so I have nothing. Really, nothing.</div><div>
</div><div><strong>What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower?</strong> I don't know, I'm not planning it. Don't worry about this, they'll figure it out. The games are usually cheesey.</div><div>
</div><div><strong>Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower?</strong>  I asked my mom for the # of people she could comfortably accomodate & she said 40. Turns out we have 38 women attending (who aren't OOT), so I was able to put every woman coming to the wedding on the shower list. Not everyone going to the wedding has to be invited to the shower. If you have to choose, pick the ones closest to you. </div><div>
</div><div>I will say, if I was your Man of Honor or mom who offered & you refused, I'd be a bit upset that you're allowing your FMIL to throw one. I totally get that she isn't letting you take no for an answer, but I might discuss that with your MOH & mom. That way they don't feel like you like the FMIL better, or something stupid.
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entropicbeauty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-when-i-thought-id-dodged-a-bullet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f61d2a8-3468-4086-aade-fdc3816f025aPost:abc99982-ebcc-4033-8968-f1bb4aa2f421">Re: Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet...</a>:
[QUOTE]I will say, if I was your Man of Honor or mom who offered & you refused, I'd be a bit upset that you're allowing your FMIL to throw one. I totally get that she isn't letting you take no for an answer, but I might discuss that with your MOH & mom. That way they don't feel like you like the FMIL better, or something stupid.
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I already spoke to my man of honor and my mother and explained this. My man of honor just got engaged so I feel like he had originally offered the shower because he felt it was his duty (obviously it's not), but with his own planning going on I imagine he was thankful to have the "obligation" off his shoulders...and my mom is not easily offended. I think she's just happy she'll get to come to a shower FOR me.

</div>

entropicbeauty

Another question: I'm going to have my FI attend, and obviously my man of honor and his partner....should I invite uncles if we're having men present?

Do children customarily attend a shower, or is it usually just adults?

(now I feel so clueless)

saharnshard

Are you having a shower?

Yes. My mom and FMIL are co-hosting

Did you want a shower?
Yes and no. I think it will be fun, but I'm not looking forward to all of the attention.

What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower?
We're doing it at a restaurant, so I'm pretty sure it'll mostly be eating and socializing.

Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower? 
My mom, FMIL, aunts, female cousins close to my age, sister-in-law, BM/BFF, mom's BFFs, and FMIL's close friends. It's 20-25 people.

saharnshard

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-when-i-thought-id-dodged-a-bullet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f61d2a8-3468-4086-aade-fdc3816f025aPost:1e8c61e3-104e-4f0b-9380-f8e2fda74c9f">Re: Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet...</a>:
[QUOTE]Another question: I'm going to have my FI attend, and obviously my man of honor and his partner....should I invite uncles if we're having men present? Do children customarily attend a shower, or is it usually just adults? (now I feel so clueless)
Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]

Personally, I wouldn't invite uncles. I don't think men particularly enjoy these kinds of events, and I doubt they'll feel left out if they're not invited, espcially since your FI and MOH are in the wedding party.

I'm not inviting children. Sometimes bridal showers can get raunchy, and you may not want censor your conversation.  

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-when-i-thought-id-dodged-a-bullet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f61d2a8-3468-4086-aade-fdc3816f025aPost:1e8c61e3-104e-4f0b-9380-f8e2fda74c9f">Re: Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet...</a>:
[QUOTE]Another question: I'm going to have my FI attend, and obviously my man of honor and his partner....should I invite uncles if we're having men present? Do children customarily attend a shower, or is it usually just adults? (now I feel so clueless)
Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]
Do you want it to be co-ed? If so, then invite the men. Around here, most showers are women only, except those thrown by women of Hispanic heritage. For whatever reason, we have co-ed showers that end up being a pre-reception. Fortunately, my immediate family doesn't like that. <div>
</div><div>If you're uncomfortable with the idea of a shower & the attention, then I'd advise against inviting the men. That will just make the group larger. The men you have coming are part of the WP, so it's OK. Plus, do you know how many people your FMIL can accomodate? </div><div>
</div><div>Children aren't usually at showers, at least around here. I'm glad that your MOH & mom are understanding. I know my MOH & mom wouldn't care, but I see some women on here with such crazy family that I just had to say it.</div>

Amanda1443994

Are you having a shower? Yes, in May and our wedding is in July.

Did you want a shower? Yes and no. I hate being the center of attention but it will prob. be fun and I know all my relatives wanted me to have one.

What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower? I honestly don't know. My mother is planning it and she's having everything be a surprise (except for the date).

Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower? My mother put together the guest list because she is throwing it. I think she only put very close friends and family. I'm having about 150 people at the wedding, but only 40-50 girls at the shower.

Osterizer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-when-i-thought-id-dodged-a-bullet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f61d2a8-3468-4086-aade-fdc3816f025aPost:4c69927e-6e99-43ae-89c3-41abd70c6f59">Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet...</a>:
[QUOTE] Are you having a shower? Did you want a shower? What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower? Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower?
Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]

Yes, I had and wanted a shower.  My MOH had a trivia game for my guests where they answered questions about my H and me.  They seemed to have fun with it.  There were about 10 winners and it was even more interesting when they opened up their parting gifts and then had the opportunity to exchange their gift with other guests.  My guest list was about 25 people and 18 showed up.  I only wanted to invite family and close friends rather than a bunch of random people. 

jessicabessica

Are you having a shower?

Yes, I had one.  My aunt threw it (not related by blood, but my mom's best friend).

Did you want a shower?
Not really.  But then I agreed, and it was fun to see everyone.  At the end, my aunt said that she had been looking forward to planning it since the day I was born, and that made me feel really happy that I accepted it.

What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower?
It was at a restaurant in a private-ish area.  There was a set menu (buffet), so everyone ate, did a crossword puzzle with "trivia" about DH and me, and wrote cards with marriage advice that my aunt put in an album and later gave to me.  And of course, I opened presents.  It was a little uncomofortable to be so much in the center of attention, but I just went with it.  My aunt did a seating arrangement, so there was a family table, a mom's friends table, and a my friends table (I was appreciative of this, so I did not have to decide who I would sit with).

Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower? 
All my female friends, my mom's female friends, aunts, grandmothers, and female cousins.  I didn't invite DH's female friends or any men.  I invited OOT people because I thought they would rather be included, and I am glad I did (you have to be careful--to some, it could look gift-grabby, but I did not think my guests would take it that way).  Only people invited to the wedding, of course

I would ask your FMIL if she's ok with a co-ed shower before you start adding men to the guest list.  If she says no, I would push back on inviting your man-of-honor as someone in the wedding party, but no need to include others.  Like a PP said, if you're self-conscious, that will just expand the group of people there.

aloisk57

Are you having a shower?  Yes, unfortunately I am having like 4 showers.  I hate showers.  I did not want any showers, and my mom told me I need to suck it up and do it to make other people happy.  Then FI's family friends decided to throw one, FMIL wants to throw two, and my mom wants to throw one.  I want zero...I get 4.  So much for this being "our day".

Did you want a shower? No. Absolutely not.  I hate showers, I think they are awkward.  I'm 27 years old, FI is almost 31, and we've been living together for 1.5 years.  We have just about everything we need, and what we don't have, we can buy on our own.  I hate shower games, I hate awkward conversations with people I don't know, and I hate being the center of attention.

What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower? I have no idea...I will probably just try to make it through the day without freaking out.

Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower? No clue, and I'm not worrying about it.

ceh789

Are you having a shower?

Kinda.  I'm having a tiny wedding and the only local, female guests are my 2 sisters, my mom and my best friend.  They all really wanted to have a shower but the idea of having a party for the 4 of them to give me presents was just about the wierdest thing I could think of so I talked them down off that ledge.  Instead the 5 of us are going to have brunch and then pedicures the weekend before the wedding.  They're treating as my "shower gift".

Did you want a shower? 

Not really.  I'm not real big on the center of attention thing either - hence the small wedding.   If I were having a bigger wedding and/or more local guests (like 10, minimum) I would have caved and let them throw a shower beacuse I really do feel like it's not "my day" - it's a celebration for all my family and giving a shower was really important to them.  I understand that because when my good girlfriend and sister got married I wanted to (and did) throw them showers.

theholograms

Are you having a shower?

Yes

Did you want a shower? 
Nope, but my mom and sister (MOH) pretty much insisted.

What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower? 
Since I'm not really into having a shower, we are doing a brunch at a restaurant instead. I asked them not to play any corny games, but I wouldn't be surprised if one or two come out (as long as I don't have to wear that stupid hat of ribbons from the presents I'll just play along).

Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower?  
I'm trying to keep it very small - under 25 people if possible. I am not inviting all my friends and definitely not all of the women invited to the wedding (we have a guest list of almost 250). Only my bridal party (5), a few additional close friends, a few of my aunts, my mom and FMIL. I'm not sure if FMIL wants to invite anyone, she really hasn't said so I will be finding that out this week. Oh and no kids.

LeiselEB

I'm having three! Haha. I had three offers and with our large guest list it made sense that way. One is my family, one is friends, one if fiance's family. Of those lists, we only invited the closest female relatives and friends. Bridesmaids and our moms are invited to all three.

I don't mind the idea of showers, because if someone doesn't really care to watch me open gifts, they can mingle with others. It's not really like people are forced to watch you unwrap your presents - they can do something else.

We don't plan any activities or games. I don't think they're necessary and I find them a bit tacky. Good food and good drinks is enough,  in my opinion.

meganb1977

I'm with you OP, I told everyone I didn't want a shower but I had someone insist on throwing me a shower, fiance turned it into a couples' shower which I am slightly more comfortable with but I was really hurt that he gave out our guest list when I asked him not to, and pretty much everyone on the guest list was invited (including my bosses, and out of town relatives, whom I would have omitted).  It's a week and a half away and I'm looking forward to getting it over with!  At least they took my mother and sisters' advice not to surprise me, I was more comfortable with that too so I don't think we're just picking up girl scout cookies and show up in sweatclothes or etc.  I would have enlisted my mother and sisters' help in putting our foot down more firmly that I didn't want anything, or compromising with a smaller guest list if it was important to fiance, but I didn't find out about the shower until after the invitations had been mailed and it was too late to change anything.

jessicabessica

Oh, the ribbon hat.  One of my aunts (not the shower hostess) kept grabbing ribbons and tried to make me do it, but I just smiled and looked at her like I had no idea what she was doing, and luckily it didn't catch on.

sweetredhead

Yes I had a shower. I knew the ladies from the church I attended for 15 years would throw one so there was no question. It was a display shower which made me very very happy. I hated the idea of being watched as I opened gifts. Instead, they had all the gifts on beautifully decorated tables with little name plates with the name of the person who bought it. ( taped them in a book to make writing thank you notes a breeze). I invited some oot family( aunts who make trips for things like this) and close friends. We didn't play any games. Mostly, everyone ate and looked around at the gifts and chatted for a few hours. Children were not invited but my sister brought hers. They did well except one got mad that none of the gifts were for her.

mandctaft

I'm probably having a few showers. My BM said she's throwing one and my mom said she's throwing one, and of course my stepmother cannot attend my mother's and definitely cannot be outdone, so there's another shower. I have no idea if FMIL has anything planned. I really hate the idea of so many showers, but I don't really have a choice and I don't feel like having a battle over this.

JaxInBlue

Are you having a shower?

Yes.  I had one, hosted by my sister (MOH) and now SIL.

Did you want a shower?
Sort of.  I would have loved to have a couple's shower but DH had far less time off than I did so it wasn't possible for him to travel home with me.  I didn't really want to have people watch me open gifts, but I did appreciate getting together with my family.  I was the first female wedding of the next generation so a lot the family wanted to celebrate.

What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower?
We didn't play any games - my choice when I was asked how I felt - as I didn't want to be put on the spot or put my guests on the spot.  We had briefly considered a 20 questions games where someone would ask me questions about DH or a bingo game related to gifts.  I'm glad we left those out; I appreciated the time to catch up with relatives I don't see much.

Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower? 
My mom, sister, MIL, grandma, SILs, aunts and local great aunts, female cousins and a few very close female friends of DH's fam.  I think we invited about 30 and had about 20 in town people who came.  Everyone invited was on the wedding guest list, of course, and was someone we considered family.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-when-i-thought-id-dodged-a-bullet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f61d2a8-3468-4086-aade-fdc3816f025aPost:11eaecea-77f3-4fc4-bddc-e854c4391f2d">Re: Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes I had a shower. I knew the ladies from the church I attended for 15 years would throw one so there was no question. It was a display shower which made me very very happy. I hated the idea of being watched as I opened gifts. <strong>Instead, they had all the gifts on beautifully decorated tables with little name plates with the name of the person who bought it.</strong> ( taped them in a book to make writing thank you notes a breeze). I invited some oot family( aunts who make trips for things like this) and close friends. We didn't play any games. Mostly, everyone ate and looked around at the gifts and chatted for a few hours. Children were not invited but my sister brought hers. They did well except one got mad that none of the gifts were for her.
Posted by sweetredhead[/QUOTE]
I've never heard of this. So the room was filled with tables with gifts opened on them? And then the name was written in front of it? Oh my, I would not have liked that (good thing it was your shower anyway!). <div>
</div><div>In my circle, we don't announce the name of the gift giver, that way someone who gave a smaller gift doesn't have to feel bad. No gift comparison. </div>

maribeth721

I have to say, I totally agree. Opening gifts in front of people is SO uncomfortable. Also the thought of someone spending that much money on me - I just would feel awful about that. No one has asked me about having a shower yet, so I am not sure if I am having one.

ECook25

OP, YGPM.

heb557

Are you having a shower? I had mine in November.

Did you want a shower?At first no, I was totally against it. Then I warmed up to the idea.

What are some fun activities that have or will happen at your shower? We did the Newlywed game, and a shopping cart game(which everyone loved).

Who did you put on your guest list to attend the shower? Almost every female on the guest list . We had about 50 show up.

Inviting men and woman: Don't call it a Bridal shower. I forget what the Co-ed version is. I highly doubt many men will come. They hate these things.

Customary for Children: We invited children to mine, but they are also invited to the wedding.

sweetredhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_just-when-i-thought-id-dodged-a-bullet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f61d2a8-3468-4086-aade-fdc3816f025aPost:9f95da31-fb1b-480a-88a3-4cb1efb1e991">Re: Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just when I thought I'd dodged a bullet... : I've never heard of this. So the room was filled with tables with gifts opened on them? And then the name was written in front of it? Oh my, I would not have liked that (good thing it was your shower anyway!).  In my circle, we don't announce the name of the gift giver, that way someone who gave a smaller gift doesn't have to feel bad. No gift comparison. 
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]



Yep. As I hate sitting and being stared at for an hour opening gifts, it was very welcomed.

meofmanynames

One of my mother's friends (who is like a godmother to me) is offering to throw me a shower later this year, probably September-ish so we can have it in her backyard.  Wedding is end of Dec.  I am honestly really excited because she throws the best parties and I'm so touched that people want to make a fuss over me.  I'm a younger bride (almost 22) and could still use a lot of stuff for the house.

The thing I'm nervous about is if anybody buys me lingerie or the like.  I'm a plus size girl and different sizes on top & bottom.  My FH's sis in law had a panty tree at her bridal shower/bachelorette party that was so cute but I just don't see it for me.

Tandra&Devin

I'm not having a traditional registry and about 3/4 of my guests are from out of town, but my mother is throwing me a shower a few days before the wedding.  I'm okay without one, but I'm not going to burst my mom's balloon and deny her all the excitement she's built up for it (I'm the oldest and first married).

My bridal party and other female friends are all coming, along with my sisters, future sister-in-law and FMIL, my grandmother and aunts, stepmom, and some friends of my mother's invited to the wedding.  More than a dozen people.  I don't know what my mother's planned, but I do know she wants to have some sort of catered luncheon and games or something. 

We might have a co-ed barbecue or something afterwards, but the shower is a ladies-only affair.  Moslty, I think it'll just be nice to get together with some of the ladies before the craziness of the wedding.