FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!

aloisk57

My FMIL is not my favorite person in the world.  She always has a snarky comment and she is always saying stuff to stress me out.  Her and her husband live about 3 1/2 hours away so I don't see them often.  She has some friends and 2 of them were nice enough to offer to throw me 2 separate showers, which I really appreciate.  My FI went out and registered for some amazing dishes and silverware at Crate & Barrel, and then random stuff (kitchen stuff and bedding) at Macy's.

Well, yesterday FMIL calls me up and asks me what color towels we want.  We didn't register for towels, which I tell her, and she's like, "Oh, yeah I know I just though you were going to add them."  So whatever, we keep talking and then she throws this little gem in - "You know we don't have a Crate & Barrel up here, so most people will go to Macy's for the gifts."

It just really frustrates me that FI and I put in all our effort to register at C&B for the stuff that we REALLY want (I could care less about the stuff at Macy's, but I wanted a few lower-cost options) and now I feel like it's all for nothing.  Is it really that hard to shop online?  I know shipping is $5, but it will cost that in gas to drive to Macy's!  I know a gift is a gift and I should appreciate it, and I do, I'm just really frustrated with her comments.

For those that registered at Macy's - if you return something, do you get cash back?  We were thinking if that was the case we could just take the cash and buy our plates from C&B if we don't end up getting them.

Thanks for listening to my rant!  I just needed to get that out!

TheSlowskys

Not 100 but call macys and ask. I'm pretty sure its a store credit.

banana468

I think you're speaking from a place of being frustrated with FMIL so even constructive critcism isn't going to be well-received.

People don't all want to shop online.   They want to go and touch and feel the presents that they're buying.   They may have their charge cards at Macy's or they may just prefer shopping there.   It's hardly a bad thing to have registries in two places.    Plus, if I can avoid paying for shipping, I would.

Macy's has very high end and also lower end stuff and they have sales all the time.   It may be a comfort zone for the people she knows and you simply may not get people shopping at C&B.

Take some time and make a registry at Macy's.   This may please more than just your FMIL and you may be pleasantly surprised.

Please DON'T register though only to return for cash.   That's fraud pure and simple and it's also rude. 

aloisk57

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:edb708de-10fd-4835-804a-5b122c514f7a">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're speaking from a place of being frustrated with FMIL so even constructive critcism isn't going to be well-received. People don't all want to shop online.   They want to go and touch and feel the presents that they're buying.   They may have their charge cards at Macy's or they may just prefer shopping there.   It's hardly a bad thing to have registries in two places.    Plus, if I can avoid paying for shipping, I would. Macy's has very high end and also lower end stuff and they have sales all the time.   It may be a comfort zone for the people she knows and you simply may not get people shopping at C&B. Take some time and make a registry at Macy's.   This may please more than just your FMIL and you may be pleasantly surprised. Please DON'T register though only to return for cash.   That's fraud pure and simple and it's also rude. 
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

No, you're right - I am completely fed up with her.  I'm just frustrated because the things we REALLY want more than anything are at C&B.  If I would have known that people wouldn't just shop online, I wouldn't have registered at Macy's...but it's too late.  I'm just super disappointed that we might not get the dishware that we want/need, and we don't have the money to buy the set ourselves (it's not super expensive, but things are tight with the wedding).  Oh well.

banana468

Just don't register for dishes at Macy's.   You can register for some basics / kitchen appliances and some towels there.

You can put the same things on the registries at C&B that you do at Macy's too.   Just see if your FI can monitor so as one thing is purchased at one place, you take it off the other.   We had our food processor on at the BB&B registry and on the Macy's registry and removed it from one after it had been purchased.

I get being frustrated with a MIL/FMIL.  TRUST ME.   This just isn't one of the battles to pick.

daria24

Macy's DOES NOT give cash for returns, only store credit.

aloisk57

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:4a84595a-4eac-4326-bc6c-202c0dd6e562">Re:FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Macy's DOES NOT give cash for returns, only store credit.
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

Yeah I read that...

Well I moved some stuff over from Macy's to C&B, so now the majority of stuff is at C&B.  Hopefully that encourages people to just order online.  The stuff at Macy's is what we do really want, no fillers, so we'll be happy with whatever happens.

jessicabessica

Part of picking the stores at which you register is thinking about where your guests shop and what is convenient for them.  If you are having two showers thrown by FMIL's friends, you do need to think about where those shower guests are likely to shop if you are hoping that they will use your registries.  You don't get to dictate where your guests shop.  I get being frustrated with your FMIL, but I do think she has a point.

JoanE2012

I am not an online shopper for gifts.  In the store, I can check out the product and make sure everything is good before I buy it.  If I buy online, it becomes a hassle if what I receive is not correct or it's broken, chipped, etc.  Be kind to your guests who are buying you gifts and make it convenient to them.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:e1dd98c9-f01b-44b6-aa35-96afa12e00e3">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Part of picking the stores at which you register is thinking about where your guests shop and what is convenient for them.  If you are having two showers thrown by FMIL's friends, you do need to think about where those shower guests are likely to shop if you are hoping that they will use your registries.  You don't get to dictate where your guests shop.  I get being frustrated with your FMIL, but I do think she has a point.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

This. 

dazyabbey

I think you are being a little rude. You are just registering for the showers now not even the wedding. You still have plenty of time. We don't have Macy's or C&B where I live so I would be a little frustrated. Best case I would give you cash, worst case I would give you a giant giraffe. Just because you are getting married doesn't give you a reason to be demanding and ridiculous. I think it is funny you look down on Macy's and you switched things you want from Macy's to C&B because you don't want people buying you things from Macys. That is ridiculous and you are being a drama queen.

LDubHawksFan

Do you really think it's fair to make people drive to the nearest C&B?  Where I'm from, that could easily be an hr drive for a big store (actually I don't think they have them at all).  Knowing that, I registered at the small dept store in my hometown.  I sure as hell don't expect my great grandma to drive to the state capital to go to a BBB or Macys (where we are also registered).  Some of your guests may not know how to shop online.  You sound really bratty to intentionally make it more difficult for your guests to buy a present for you!

kmmssg

I agree that you are being bratty and I'm wondering if it isn't going to backfire on you.  If the nearest C&B is quite a drive away and there is nothing left on your Macy's registry, chances are I am going to buy you something "like" something that is on your C&B registry.  You are supposed to make this convenient for your guests and you are failing there quite badly with less than noble intentions.

AceTT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:e1dd98c9-f01b-44b6-aa35-96afa12e00e3">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Part of picking the stores at which you register is thinking about where your guests shop and what is convenient for them.  If you are having two showers thrown by FMIL's friends, you do need to think about where those shower guests are likely to shop if you are hoping that they will use your registries.  You don't get to dictate where your guests shop.  I get being frustrated with your FMIL, but I do think she has a point.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
This, exactly this. There is no C&B where I live so I don't shop at C&B registries since I'd rather not pay for shipping and instead pick something out at a brick and mortar store.<div>
</div><div>We registered at BB&B and JCP because those stores are everywhere our guests live. It just doesn't make sense to make your main registry at a store that a large percentage of your guests are unable to physically shop at.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm with your FMIL.</div>

morenachica110

I actually prefer shopping online. I don't feel like driving out to a store to hunt down specific tiems around the store so I can compare what I want to buy for someone. I like the list of online shopping and when I decide what I want to buy, I just make about 3 clicks and its done. The end. (Except for my cousin's Target registry that delayed shipping a month and a half... so far)

OP, the only thing about this is that you need to come to terms with the fact that some people so like to shop in stores. Definitely don't register for what you don't want, and where you don't want to, but know that you may not get everything you're wanting. You may get enough money to get the "priority" items with a completion discount, but be ok with the fact that you may not.

The way I see it, if it's not terribly convenient for someone to go to the store they'll either go online, give cash/checks, or nothing at all. You just need to figure out what you'd rather do from there.

random4180

We registered at C & B and BBB (all totally local here in NYC- and my MIL still shopped at Macy's. People are going to shop where they're going to shop and you can't control it. Just be gracious and accept whatever gift your guests generously bring you. But as PP posted said, don't register for things you don't want- if a guest wants to buy you something from your registry, they obviously want to get you something you'll like. Of our two registries, only about twenty items were purchased off of them- most guests still opted to give us cash or checks. A gift is a gift and be grateful for whatever a guest happens to give you!

hoffse

So this is why people in my circle register at like 6 or 7 places.  My hometown (where we are getting married) has a Belk and an extremely overpriced fine china shop that doesn't have online access.  That's it.  Belks are only in the south, so if you have a LARGE contingency of guests (like I do) coming from elsewhere in the country, you need an additional department store where they can shop at.  We chose Macy's.  There's also a BBB about 45 minutes away, and the williams sonoma/pottery barn/crate & barrel/bloomingdales/etc. in a large city about an hour and a half away.  People in my circle shop in all these places, so couples tend to register at more than the standard 2-3 places to cover their bases.  The reason is because they want to be polite to their guests so that guests can shop in-store and not have to pay shipping or be able to shop last minute.  I think at last count FI and I had 5 places, in order to get a) the items we want and b) accommodate the various geographical pockets we are dealing with. It's not ideal for all these items to be so spread out, but small towns and diverse guestlists complicate things.

OP, I think plenty of people willl shop online for the wedding gift (if your circle gives physical gifts at the wedding and not just the shower) because it's polite to have it shipped beforehand, and frankly it's easier (and in the case of CB probably cheaper) to just let the store take care of it.  That said, for showers you need to have a store with low-priced items in the vicinity where people are coming from.  Plenty of people buy shower gifts on their way to the shower and don't want to spend $5 to ship a spatula.

Also, you're going to be disappointed if you don't register for things you really want at Macy's.  Sorry, but your Macy's registry is going to be bought out for your shower, and you need to be excited enough to not look disppointed when guests are generous enough to give you a nice gift.  I'd be really pissed if I could tell that the bride just didn't care at all about the gift I gave her because she only registered for it out of obligation.

skippylouwho

I have a part-time job at Macys.  If you return an item YOU purchased and you paid cash for it then we will refund cash to you, if it was on a credit card we'll refund your money to THAT credit card or you can opt for store credit.  It is possible to pay for an item with cash, a gift card and credit or check (for the same item) and if so, we can return it all to your Macy's if that was used, all to a gift card, if that was used OR we can return it to the same 3 you use - some in cash, some to a gift card and some to whatever credit card.

If something is a gift and was paid for in cash, we will not refund the cash.  We CAN put it back on the credit card it came from but that means the giver gets the value back and not you so in that case we give you store credit.

The store credit does not expire, you can use Macy's coupons with it so even if you don't have a Macy's credit card yourself, see if you can get coupons from anyone you know that does have them before you shop.

I think it's a good idea, when possible, to register the same item at more than one store  - for things like dishes, glasswear, flatwear because one store may be cheaper, more convenient, have a sale, offer free shipping and the other doesn't and that gives me options to be able to buy you something that you want at a price I can afford.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:82c9b7f2-0982-42aa-96c6-d8a655f35825">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a part-time job at Macys.  If you return an item YOU purchased and you paid cash for it then we will refund cash to you, if it was on a credit card we'll refund your money to THAT credit card or you can opt for store credit.  It is possible to pay for an item with cash, a gift card and credit or check (for the same item) and if so, we can return it all to your Macy's if that was used, all to a gift card, if that was used OR we can return it to the same 3 you use - some in cash, some to a gift card and some to whatever credit card. <strong>If something is a gift and was paid for in cash, we will not refund the cash.  We CAN put it back on the credit card it came from but that means the giver gets the value back and not you so in that case we give you store credit.</strong> The store credit does not expire, you can use Macy's coupons with it so even if you don't have a Macy's credit card yourself, see if you can get coupons from anyone you know that does have them before you shop. I think it's a good idea, when possible, to register the same item at more than one store  - for things like dishes, glasswear, flatwear because one store may be cheaper, more convenient, have a sale, offer free shipping and the other doesn't and that gives me options to be able to buy you something that you want at a price I can afford.
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I may be suffering a great reading fail here but I am confused about the bolded portion above.  You say if a guest "pays cash for a gift, Macy's will not refund cash, but can put it back on the credit card".  There would be no credit card involved in this transaction.  I'm confused, and possibly failing at elementary reading.  Help on that please?

</div>

aloisk57

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:003f5e60-8c64-4bfa-948a-ed2c89cdbf23">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]To someone above - Why is she "Being rude"???  1-2 registries is the norm, and it's not rude not to register at a store if you don't want anything from that store. People can either shop at the store, or go online.  It's not that big a deal anymore.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Eh, I get that I'm being difficult but to the people who called me a brat or a snot, I don't really give a hoot.

We registered for some things that we like/need at Macy's, but moved the majority to C&B.  If it's rude to register at a store that isn't local, oh well.  We don't need much, so the stuff that we registered for we really want, and it happens to be at C&B...it's not my fault there isn't one up there. 

kmmssg

And it won't be there fault if they decide to get you something similar at Macy's and you can only get store credit.  You just don't see the can of worms you are opening for yourself.  Hope it works out for you.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:77bb1d1d-68d2-420d-be58-e89281aa1a64">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!! : Eh, I get that I'm being difficult but to the people who called me a brat or a snot, I don't really give a hoot. We registered for some things that we like/need at Macy's, but moved the majority to C&B.  If it's rude to register at a store that isn't local, oh well.  <strong>We don't need much, so the stuff that we registered for we really want, and it happens to be at C&B...it's not my fault there isn't one up there. 
</strong>Posted by aloisk57[/QUOTE]

Are you always this accomodating?

aloisk57

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:99beee43-3fb8-4179-ae56-9bac3b85073f">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!! : Are you always this accomodating?
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Hey, I originally asked for no showers.  What I was told by my mother was to be quiet and register for stuff we needed.  That's what I did.  My bad for not researching what stores were located where.  I thought buying things online would be easier.  It's not like buying clothes for someone online where you have to see the size and feel the material.  We put exactly what we want on a registry, and all they have to do is click a button. 

Periwinkle19

I know many many people that don't like to shop online for shower gifts. Why pay money for shipping? When I got married the first time the FILs lived in upstate NY.  I registered at Filene's becuase the company that owned them had a store there (by a different name). So i was certain that all of the NY guests could purchase someting.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:552d523c-3a12-4205-8fac-0b4c4be32908">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!! : Hey, I originally asked for no showers.  What I was told by my mother was to be quiet and register for stuff we needed.  That's what I did.  My bad for not researching what stores were located where.  I thought buying things online would be easier.  It's not like buying clothes for someone online where you have to see the size and feel the material.  We put exactly what we want on a registry, and all they have to do is click a button. 
Posted by aloisk57[/QUOTE]

Then you should have politely declined these.  A lot of people do not like shopping on line so I wouldn't get pissy about those who prefer going to store to select an item.  And when you are setting up a registry to accomodate the guests of showers being thrown for you (as you've stated was the reason for registering) then you should have done a little leg work as in asking your FI or his family members what stores are nearby for the guests.  One phone call or text message.  It really wouldn't have been difficult and would have saved you from the situation you are in now.

aloisk57

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:6e8c096b-384b-49a0-9639-8c291d3f91b0">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!! : Then you should have politely declined these.  A lot of people do not like shopping on line so I wouldn't get pissy about those who prefer going to store to select an item.  And when you are setting up a registry to accomodate the guests of showers being thrown for you (as you've stated was the reason for registering) then you should have done a little leg work as in asking your FI or his family members what stores are nearby for the guests.  One phone call or text message.  It really wouldn't have been difficult and would have saved you from the situation you are in now.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Why should we register for things that we don't want just because a store is close?  The plates we've been wanting for months are only at C&B, I don't really think it's a big deal to shop online.  But thanks for your input, I appreciate all the advice.

Periwinkle19

I find it hard to believe that you couldn't find other things besides plates at Macy's. Many people think it's a big deal to shop online, especially if they are over 60.

Maybe you'll get cash and you can buy the plates yourself, but don't expect it.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:bdfc6444-b042-4ac5-8a55-dea5d28ca740">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>I find it hard to believe that you couldn't find other things besides plates at Macy's</strong>. Many people think it's a big deal to shop online, especially if they are over 60. Maybe you'll get cash and you can buy the plates yourself, but don't expect it.
Posted by Periwinkle19[/QUOTE]

But is she were able to do this it would take away this whole drama

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:552d523c-3a12-4205-8fac-0b4c4be32908">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!! : Hey, I originally asked for no showers.  What I was told by my mother was to be quiet and register for stuff we needed.  That's what I did.  My bad for not researching what stores were located where.  I thought buying things online would be easier.  It's not like buying clothes for someone online where you have to see the size and feel the material.  We put exactly what we want on a registry, and all they have to do is click a button. 
Posted by aloisk57[/QUOTE]

So you asked for no showers, but somehow you ended up with 2 showers thrown by friends of your FMIL?  How did that happen? 

I don't really care that you didn't register at a store that's convenient for your guests.  Your call.  The issue is complaining about people not wanting to shop online or purchase from your registry.  If you don't want to talk about it with your FMIL, that's fine, just tell her you hope people check out your registries to get an idea of what you want and understand that they will shop where they are comfortable.  I went to a shower and wedding where the couple registered at Michael C. Fina, Tiffany, and Bloomingdales.  I don't really shop at any of those stores, so I bought something else I thought they would like.  No big deal. 

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_fmil-is-stressing-me-out-about-our-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:bb199b32-b33e-486b-879a-87cf05d07364Post:c1ebe8e3-d875-4fa1-91b7-9b057f0654a8">Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL is STRESSING ME OUT about our registry!! : Why should we register for things that we don't want just because a store is close?  The plates we've been wanting for months are only at C&B, I don't really think it's a big deal to shop online.  But thanks for your input, I appreciate all the advice.
Posted by aloisk57[/QUOTE]

So keep the plates at C&B!  Surely there's more stuff you could use that is available at Macys, no? 

ladyomnipotent

You perfectly encapsulate the entitled mentality that surrounds many weddings.  You "went through all the effort" to register at C&B?  You've got to be kidding me.  Painting a house or studying a language requires effort, not making yourself a Christmas list.  Just graciously accept whatever gifts you get.  You are not entitled to anything.