Is it really necessary to register?

megandit

Quick question -- We really don't want to register for anything since we do have pretty much everything we need save for a few boutique things we'd both love to have (but we are planning to buy on our own when the rainy day funds spill over)...
I feel somewhat uncomfortable saying "buy me this".

Since most people are flying in from out of town for the wedding, I want to keep their expenses to a minmimum since I know airfare and hotels will not be cheap.

Is it tacky to let people know that we are not registered, but  if anyone feels inclined to give us a gift, they have the liberty to decide that or -- to do a charitable donation to St. Jude's Hospital or some other worthy organization?

Summer2011Bride

You are fine to not register. Realize that some people want to give physical gifts regardless, so you may end up with some things you don't like/can't use in your house, which is a reason why you might want to make a small registry with just a few upgrades to items you own. That gives those guests something to go off of for physical gifts.

You can always take the money you are gifted and give to St. Jude's or another charity.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I think it's absolutely fine not to register. People can buy you whatever they wish - or not. However, don't spread the word that you'd prefer a donation. While St. Jude's is quite popular and not at all controversial, some people might not want to do a donation in lieu of a gift (my grandmother always used to give me a small amount of money for holidays and tell me to treat myself). If someone knows you well and knows this is something you like to do and asks if you want anything or if you'd like a charitable donation done, feel free to mention it, but do it judiciously.

Peledreamsofrain

I have to disagree a little bit here.  I don't consider it a faux pas to ask for donations to St. Jude in leiu of gifts.  You just have to handle it delicately and graciously.

Don't include anything regarding it in the invitations, but rather set up a wedding website, and say in the invites : for more information regarding the wedding, please visit our website:....

and in the registry section, you can put a lovely note along the lines of: "We feel that your presence at our wedding is your gift to us." and carefully go on to request any gifts to be given to the St. Jude foundation

If I got a wedding invite along these lines from a couple, I'd think they were the most giving and unselfish people in the world.  And I'd make a donation.

MrsHoward2Be

No.

coly06

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-it-really-necessary-to-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:cf9c81e5-d5d2-4de9-a686-b5b9f35c3f83Post:c5d6fd40-17cc-41db-9492-e547e306f8ed">Re: Is it really necessary to register?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a faux pas to ask for money in any form. <strong> The couple shouldn't mention gifts at all - even if they don't want them, because to do so is to hint that they were otherwise expected.</strong> The correct way to do this is  not to register, and then tell anyone who asks about the registry, "We didnt' register because we don't need a thing, but feel free to make a donation to your favorite charity if you wish."
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Does this mean you didn't include a wedding registry card anywhere in any invitations or wedding website either? I am always confused by everyone's hatred toward HM registries, donation registries, cash registries etc, when the majority of brides and grooms place a card with the name of a store where they intentionally registered for gifts they are virtually asking for in their invitations. I don't quite understand how it is different. Tangible item, cash, donation, etc. Any way you look at it, we are kind of hinting at asking for money to be spent. Sure, the presence of the guests is what matters most, but just in case, here is where we would most like our gifts to be purchased from.. hint hint... it all seems the same to me. It's either all acceptable, or all rude, but it's all the same. At least from my standpoint.

And by the way, I love the idea of "registering" for donations for a greater cause such as St. Judes. I think it's completely unselfish and I think guests will look highly upon that.

kellbell07qt

Completely agree with coly06 on this one. While you should never be the first one to verbally mention anything about gifts, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you answering a guest's question regarding a gift or having your family/bridal party spread the word regarding what you would like for a gift. Also, wedding websites are a perfectly suitable place to share this information as well.

I do find it tacky to include any sort of card/insert with your wedding invitation (those should only be included with shower invitations); however, including an insert card that provides your wedding website information (which includes registry information) with your wedding invitation.