Second Weddings

Disapproving family

Hello,

I'm just wondering if anyone else is having a problem with their family thinking they should wait or not get married. We have both been married before and have no kids. We were engaged only 10 months after my divorce and we plan to be married in about 6-9 months. I met my fiance in high school and we lost touch and reconnected right after my divorce. I was just looking up old high school friends because I was feeling kind of down, I wasn't looking to fall in love, but it happened. I always kind of thought he was the one for me back then and now 12 years later we just happen to be perfect for each other. I coun't be more sure I have the right one this time and I don't want to wait years to marry him and start a family. His family could not be more supportive and they are so happy for us. My family however is not so excited. I don't have a single person in my family that has not been divorced at least twice , so I don't really trust their advice at all. I just don't know if they should be invited to our ceremony if they are going to be so negative. We aren't having a big wedding of any sort, just a small ceremony (25 people max) and dinner at a nice restaurant, or maybe a back yard bbq type thing. I just don't want any type of negativity there for our wedding, but I don't want my family to be offended if we invite about 10 of his family members and only one or two of mine (leaving out my parents/stepparents, and all but one of my siblings). Anyone have a similar situation? If so how did you resolve it? Any advice would be appreciated!

Re: Disapproving family

  • jeannigirljeannigirl
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    OMG this sounds so totally like my family and what I deal with. I went around and around with this issue to and thank God for these great women here that were very upfront and honest and supportive. They really opened my eyes to the true hard facts.

     You know girl you are an adult and you can get married when ever you want to. You do not need approval or acceptance from anyone its nice when it does happen. But this is not a perquisite to you and FI's happiness. Awesome that you found a love again.

    I encourage you to invite the ones that are supportive of you and FI's relationship and union. no matter if its not your family or his. My FI and I had to come to terms with this and remove at least the majority of people off our guests list and shocking the majority of them were both his and mine family members.

    If certain family members come to you and ask why they have not been invited has another lady told me here is to say "We made the decison together that we woud invite people that were supportive of me and FI.
  • edited December 2011
    Since we don't really know your family dynamics it is difficult to respond to this question.  My first thought, when you mentioned that everyone has been divorced at least twice, is that maybe they see something you don't and are trying to help you avoid another divorce.  Then again, it could be that they are unhappy with themselves and resent your happiness.  I think you need to ask yourself where your family is coming from with this - a place of support or a place of resentment?  If it's resentment, then go ahead with your plans and if they are unsupportive, so be it.  If it's support, though, you may need to step back and try to see what they are seeing.
    As pp said, you are an adult and can marry anytime you want, and invite anyone you want to your ceremony and celebration.  I wouldn't want a bunch of people who don't support the marriage to be there either. 
  • WillandTianaWillandTiana
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Jeanni. (For the record I got engaged 3 months after my divorce was finalized).  I never planned on it EVER happening that way but I found someone who loves me for me and I for him.  Lucky for me, my immediate family (my sister maybe not as much but she's still OK with it) but my parents are TOTALLY supportive.  I do have some extended family who have less than honorable intentions and we have chosen to not invite them to the wedding.  I told my family this is how it is going to be and mom said "It's your day, do what you want."  Thank God that I have the most amazing mom!  But seriously, whoever doesn't support you shouldn't be invited.  I think the only exception to this rule is if the man you're marrying is not treating you right, is abusive, has a bad criminal history or some other major reason for your family to honestly give reason to disapprove of your marriage.
  • edited December 2011
    I completely understand.  I got married the first time for all of the wrong reasons and never loved him.  I recently found someone and although my divorce isnt yet finalized, we talk about the future someday.  To my family, I betrayed them by even getting a divorce but I can say I finally understand love.  I finally understand why two people want to spend their lives together.  I finally understand what it feels like and no one can take that away.  To me, I dont want to waste any more time without him and find no reason to take it slowly as life is not slowly and time does not wait.  Hang in there....you know best and if others dont understand, then they need not be a part of your life.  Things are not as clear cut as they seem to outsiders
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