Marrying a man with children

ad.marse7

Hello All, I am marrying a man in Feb from England in Ohio. He has been married before with a daughter who is 9 and a son who is 7. I have never been married. His daughter is the flower girl and his son is the little best man. I would love to incorporate them in the ceremony. Can you all give me some ideas? Also, I need to get them wedding gifts to give them at the rehearsal dinner. Thanks in advance!

handfast4me

I think what you have now is fine.  I truly think that the "vows" (if that's what you were thinking of) between adults and children smack of inappropriateness, and are downright creepy.  The wedding ceremony should be between consenting adults, no others.  In addition to that, vows including the children can be downright disrespectful to the other birthparent if, indeed, she is still living.  It may also make the children feel like they are betraying their mom.  So, the gifts at the rehearsal, and flower girl and best man are fine.

nyrek

Having the kids as part of the wedding party is already incorporating them into your ceremony. If you're speaking of doing something beyond that, like a "family ceremony," there are lots of options. Some of the "family vows" can be creepy, but others are downright endearing. In liu of a "vow" thing you could always do a family sand ceremony or candle lighting. They are actually old enough that you could always ask them if there's something special they'd like to do. (My son at that age never liked being in front of people...so he would not have even wanted to be a part of the wedding. Now at 15, he's psyched about being one of the "Best-Men") I disagree that weddings should only be between the couple...and the kids shouldn't be included. My wedding is absolutely more than just a union of 2 people...it is a union of a family, and there is nothing wrong with including my children in that if they so choose and want to be a part of that. I think the problem comes in to play when you don't take the children's feelings into consideration...which is why I stated simply asking them. and if they're not comfortable, don't force them. But if they are happy to and want to be a part of the ceremony...then go for it. Whatever works for your family...that's what matters! good luck in planning! and have fun!

right1thistime

I'm yet another opinion.  I also believe that the wedding ceremony is about the union of the couple, because after 3+ years, I recognize that it takes much more than a simple set of vows to make a family.  If you like the family vows - search for kayjaygee's bio- I find hers quite touching, and  more about the new sterp parent's promise to the children.   I don't relate family vows to marrying the child so I don't think they are creepy.   But I chose not to do them.  My advice for children that age is NOT to try to deliver something that will be a forever keepsake.  More likely than not, it will mean more to you than the children will value it, and you are setting yourself up to have your feelings hurt when they don't take care of it.  Choose an age appropriate gift, something they will like- just as you would carefully choose an adult attendant's gift. Good luck.     ~Donna

yellow_grace

Including the children in the wedding party is more than enough, but if you want to do more, the opinions of the pp are all valid. I have a bio daughter and an adopted daughter, so when we chose to do something special with the kids, we chose carefully, trying to be respectful of birthparents while still reinforcing our love for the kids. We will present the kids with rings on a necklace (the insciption on the rings match the inscription on our rings and translates to "we choose to love.") I have written our wording for the presentation of gifts to the girls below:Officant: This ceremony marks not only the union of John and Grace as husband and wife, it also celebrates their joining together with Abigail and Anna to form a new family.  Grace:Abigail and Anna, we are now one family- a mom and a dad and sisters. You are both so beautiful and unique. Your presence in our lives is a blessing. We love you and look forward to what you will achieve in the future.John:We promise to be patient and to support each of you, to give you strength and room to grow. We don’t know what the future holds, but we want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what you do or who you become, we will always love you as we do now.Grace: Watching you grow, change, and become strong and beautiful is an amazing gift. Just like you, the love our family shares started out small, but is growing bigger and stronger each day. Abigail and Anna, today we give you these rings to remind you of our love, and to serve as a symbol of the unity of our new family.If you are not close to the children, this type of exchange may not be appropriate.

mma3

FI has two kids and I have one.  My daughter is the flower girl and if FI kids are allowed to come then we will ask them to be junior bridesmaid and best man.  We are doing a unity candle and will either have the kids help us light the candle or give them their own.

Sue-n-Kevin

Grace, those are fabulous thoughts! I love them

My fiance has 3 kids, 2 adults one currently 16. I have two, one adult, one 15. We'll be thinking of something to incorporate them in a special way, and those words are great, whether for adult children or younger ones. I also like the rings on a necklace, something to wear now or later.

I think the unity sand would be a great idea, give each person a separate color, kids would love that and it would show them how they blend in.