Second Weddings

because

I love how people read between the lines, how they assume things... so funny! Oh lil' bitch you are funny!

Assume, what does that do again???

Re: because

  • c-dubc-dub
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Technically this doesn't apply to me since I'm not under 30, but I'll still respond since I only turned 30 a couple of months ago.

    I got married when I was 25, and I got divorced a year and a half later. Ex and I had been separated and the marriage effectively over for 4 months when I met FI. The divorce became final a few weeks after I met FI.

    Some people may think that's way too soon to get involved again. I certainly expected to be single for a year or more before I jumped back into the dating world. However, I met FI by chance, and it just felt right. Additionally, for the first year of our relationship, we were long distance (4 hours apart), so we only saw each other a few days out of every month. That kept things from moving too quickly while I worked through some issues.

    FI and I dated for 3 years before we became engaged. We got engaged this past summer, and we are getting married next fall.

    Also, I know you didn't ask this, but FWIW: Neither FI or I have any children. This is FI's first marriage.

    My immediate family (parents, siblings) have been very supportive of my relationship. My extended family...well no one has made any disparaging remarks, but I sense an air of disapproval from a few of my more conservative relatives. Could just be paranoia though. :)

    My second wedding will be a church ceremony with family only. Then we will have a large reception (currently about 325 on the guest list...oi...) The reception will be very laid back. It's in a hall. We're thinking sandwiches, beer and wine, and lots of music and dancing. That is all. No garter tosses, no first dances, no wedding party, minimal flowers and decorations. Just food, family, friends, and fun.
  • edited December 2011
    I got engaged and married in 2006. We seperated in summer 2008. It was a long time coming though. He cheated on me a bunch of times before I finally called it quits.  I met FI in May 2009 and we're getting married in August 2010, so a little over two years after the initial seperation. FI is also divorced. He got married in 2003 and seperated in 2007. Neither of us have kids.

    We're having a small wedding at a church with family and close friends followed by lunch at our house.

    My family is very supportive. They love FI and know that my other marriage had been over a long time before it became official.

    Timing is totally different from person to person. We knew we wanted to get married by our second date. Haha. Sometimes it just happens right?
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  • c-dubc-dub
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I agree that timing is completely different from person to person and situation to situation. If you had told me before it happened that I would be dating someone so soon after my first marriage ended, I would have thought it was ridiculous. But sometimes you don't control when someone special is going to come in to your life.

    What you can choose, though, is how quickly or slowly you move with that someone special. If I had gotten engaged to FI a month after we met, my family probably would have given me the side eye. And rightfully so, I think.

    But again, everyone is different. Only you know what's right for you so try not to let others' opinions affect you too much. Unless, of course, they are picking up on some red flags that you don't see. But that's a whole different post.
  • edited December 2011
    I got married in 2002 at age 19 because I was pregnant. He split in 2003 and our divorce became final in 2004. I met FI in 2006, got engaged December 2008, and am getting married in 11 days! I didn't really date at all until my divorce was finalized, then saw a few guys on and off until I met FI. I needed time to heal and figure out how to parent as a single mom. My ex was my first love, so it was really heart-breaking when he took off like a bat out of hell. Shocking, too.

    I am 27 now, and very glad I waited. But that is what was right for me. My family loves FI and he is really an amazing guy. If my family wasn't supportive, I don't know if we could have moved forward because my family really was my rock during my divorce.
  • jessiebrjessiebr
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I got married when I was 28 in 2005.  My ex DH was a great boyfriend, but he changed over the course of a year or so.  He became emotionally abusive, starting doing steroids, and basically had a girlfriend on the side who was a girl he worked with.  I left in April 2008, and our divorce was final last September.  I jumped into a rebound relationship, who made me feel great about myself!  Then last December I reconnected with a guy who I have been going to school with since the 4th grade.  We are now engaged (since Halloween), and getting married August 14th!!  I think it does differ with everybody.  I have no children, neither does my fiance, and it is his 1st marriage.  My family is incredibly supportive.  They love him, and notice the difference in how he treats me, and everyone else.  I definitely learned a lot in the past few years, and honestly at first I was embarrassed about getting divorced so young.  But when I got engaged this time, everyone was so excited and we all know he is the one I should have been with in the first place!!
  • edited December 2011
    I just turned 30 last month.

    I dated my ex from when we were 17. We got married at 24, and divorced at 25 (early 2005). I met FI at the end of 2006. We got engaged after dating 3 years. This will be his first marriage. Neither of us have any kids.

    I was embarressed about my divorce, but my family was supportive. Everyone, even my extended family, loves loves my FI.

    I am super excited and cannot wait to start a family!
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  • edited December 2011
    Ok, so Jessiebr - who exactly have you been TTC since Aug 2007 with, if you just got engaged in October??  I think that may be leftover from your exhusband, since you were married to him at that point.  Maybe you want to delete that??

    And to all of you-- I was married to the man I started dating at age 16.  Married at 23.  I stuck with it WAYYYYYYYYY too long, into my later 30's.  And I was embarassed that I let that crap go on for so long.  So you certainly made good choices to move out of the wrong relationships early. 

    Do you think that YOU got married too young?  What would you say to the 18, 19 and 20 year olds that cry, "You don't understand, we are truly in love and we will last forever!!  I'm far more mature than other adolescents my age."  ~Donna
  • edited December 2011
    I was married a week before my 19th birthday to my high school sweetheart and we were married for 6 1/2 years. he turned out to not be so much of a sweetheart and 3 kids later I filed for divorce. I reconnected with an old friend from high school while going through the filing and everything and we started dating this past may. All the old feelings that were there were still there and on Thanksgiving of this year he proposed. We were basically spending every moment not at work with each other and with my kids so we have already had alot of time as a "family". We are getting married this coming October. His family is super supportive and my family is as well. My first wedding was with the JOP and this time around I am having the wedding that I didn't get. I couldnt be more happy.
  • edited December 2011
    OMG Jennifer we have almost the same story, except I'm not under 30.  I met ex-H got married at 31, separated at 44.  Now I'm very happy with a friend from high school (nearly 30 years after graduation!).  Getting married next Nov (2010).  Family, friends and kids all supportive.
  • jessiebrjessiebr
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    OMG I just noticed the "TTC" siggie...yikes!!  Yes totally left over from previous marriage...thank God that didnt happen!!   How do I get it off??  I have been trying for 20 minutes!  Help!!!!  And thanks for bringing it to my attn
  • handfast4mehandfast4me
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    edited December 2011
    On the left hand side of the screen, you'll see a bunch of topics "Wedding Boards" , etc.  Keep scrolling down and you'll see the topic "Community Links."  Under that, the 4th topic down, is "Update Signature" which you can click on, it should bring you to your profile and you can delete that line and add whatever you wish. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    I got married when I was 19 was married for 4 1/2 years and got seperated, I starting dating my Fiancee about 8 months later and we are getting married in September, my divorce just became final a few weeks ago only because I haven't been working and was unable to pay for it. we are getting married on the beach in Lincoln city and having a large reception later that night at home. Some people would also think that I got involved and am getting married way to soon but when you actually find that right person you are mean't to be with and not just a runner up I don't think it should matter how long or short you are before you get married, I have known my fiance since 3rd grade but we didn't become more than friends until this year. So honestly good for you and i'm glad you are able to find happiness after your divorce, I know it's a hard thing to go through and I know exactly how you feel about having another wedding and wanting to do everything big and special again because you want everyone to know about it so do what you want and don't let anyone tell you you can't!!
  • edited December 2011
    I married my college sweetheart in 2006 after four years of dating.  I was in my last year of law school and he was in medical school in two different cities, so we never actually lived together (except for a thirty day rotation in a hotel).  Really long story short, he would not sacrifice anything at all for our marriage.  He spent three months in other states for voluntary rotations when I asked that he not, since I felt we were slipping.

    Well, woman's intuition was correct...he found a girlfriend on one of the trips.  Our divorce was finalized in Jan of 08.  I dated a few guys and then ran into an old friend from 6th grade confirmation.  When he ended a  bad relationship for himself, we started dating in September of 2008.  We got engaged in August 2009 and will be married in April 2010.

    He is the absolute love of my life.  My Noah.  I cant wait to be married and start a family with him.  My family is 1000% supportive.  My grandma, who has been married to her second husband for longer than I have been alive, says he is to me what her second husband is to her.  The real thing.

    His family is a bit of a different story.  The immediate fam freaked out when we got engaged, and took some incredibly personal jabs at me.  But his extended family is very happy.  This will be his first marriage.

    As for the wedding, my first wedding was a big to do.  Blah.  This time, we're going under 100, in a greenhouse.  Personal and small, with a wine and apps reception after.  Just worrying about us. 
  • jessiebrjessiebr
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Wow...alot of our stories are very similar!!  And I am amazed at all the stories of people who reconnected to guys they went to school with when they were younger.  I know people loooove when Jon and I tell our story about how we knew each other and went to every school with each other since the 4th grade!  People just think it is the cutest story.  We totally thought we were pretty unique...but I guess there are others like us!!!!   
    p.s.  thanks handfast...changed the siggy finally!!
  • korinacooperkorinacooper
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    I was first married at 26 and will be remarried at 28! My first marriage was over before it began. I felt very uneasy about it and I thought it was just normal jitters, but my intuition was right. He started treating my worse and worse and did not even act like we were married (he stayed out all the time drinking and acting like a bachelor, specifically with one single guy friend and a cute girl he worked with). I was not about to stick around to see how bad it would get so I decided to leave him 14 months into our marriage and he did not put up much of a fight. I started seeing my fiance only three months later and we were engaged in 9 months. I know it seems too soon to almost everyone, but I met him in high school over 12 years ago and knew then that he was one. We stayed just friends because we both thought the other was not interested romantically and then I moved away with my family and we lost touch. So here I am ten years after last seeing him marrying the man I should have in the first place! His family is very supportive and so excited for us. My family however is extremely cenacle and thinks it is a very bad idea. My plan is to have a small ceremony with just the two of us in June (it will be 1y 4m since we re-met and began dating) no reception, just a dinner at a nice restaurant.  I am thinking of inviting a few of his  immediate family members to share our day. I don't know if my family will be offended by this, but I simply do not want their negativity there. I guess they will come around in a few years when they see it was the right decision.
  • bamagurl5bamagurl5
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    I got married in 2003 at age 20. We were married for 3 years when he left. Big deal, lots of drama and hurt. We tried to make things work but failed. I met my FI where I work. He was a customer right after I started working there in 2007. I did not start dating him until right before I had surgery at the begining of last year. I never divorced, I was in the process of trying to get it done when he passed away last December. I love my FI dearly, it's been nearly 2 years since we first started seeing each other. Getting married in March of 2011. His family loves me, they've all been married a couple of times! This will be his 3rd and my 2nd. I have no kids and he has 3. My family likes him, but tend to be way more protective. They are happy for me.
  • QueenofQuirkyQueenofQuirky
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I don't really count, but maybe I do?

    I'm 32 and planning my second wedding.

    Got married the first time at age 25 and was married for nearly 6 years before divorced at age 30. My parents are getting used to this idea that I'm having a second wedding, but they are not 100% on board.

    It's his first wedding so we're doing it big. His family wants it that way. I've written a lot about getting married the second time on my blog www.queenofquirky.com.

    I hope this helps. I'm so excited - 59 days!
  • edited December 2011
    I am 28 and I got married for the first time when I was 22. I had been with him for 4 years. He was a very nice guy and i just thought that's what i should do. I didn't feel a spark and it wasn't exciting to be with him, but it wasn't miserable either. I settled.

    After 2 years of marriage i realized it just wasn't working. I had lost all interest in him. It wasn't his fault. I just didn't love him and finally had the courage to admitt it to myself.

    So we divorced in Sept. '06.

    I wasn't planning on meeting anyone right away but in Jan. '07 i met my now husband. I didn't believe in love at first sight but it truly was. We were engaged within 2 weeks and got married 7/13/07.

    We have been married for 2.5 years and have a beautiful daughter together. I know I found my Mr. Right and actually have my first marriage to thank. Had I not beeing through that I probably wouldn't know what it means to truly love someone.

    We went to the courthouse to get married. Not because we thought it was the right thing to do since it was a 2nd wedding for me, but because it was cheap and we just wanted to be married.

    My parents are always supportive of me, though I knew they were a little skeptical and ultimately didn't want me to rush into anything and end up hurt. But they love my DH!

    We are planning a vow renewal on our 5 year anniversary. We are having a small "ceremony" and big party to celebrate with all of our favorite people.
  • autumfaithautumfaith
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    Like lots of other PPs, I'm not under 30... 34 and getting married for the second time on 2/13/10.  But my first marriage lasted almost 10 years.  I love the deer in the headlights look some people get when I tell them this will be a second marriage for both of us.... they usually say "you were married before???"  And I say, " oh yes, for almost 10 years."  I can pratically hear the calculator rattling away as they try to do the math on that one, lol.  I didn't date at all until after my divorce was final... just a personal choice for me.  FI have been together for 2 years and he proposed Thanksgiving weekend.  I'm very excited and happy about the whole thing and all of our friends and family have been super supportive also.
    Bottom line is this - I promise you one thing, you don't know ANYTHING about a marriage unless you are one of the people in it.  Period.  No one has the right to judge you and your FI.  And guess what... all of the know-it-all first timer bridezillas on this site are about to find that out.... come talk to me in 10 years, honey. 
  • rhiamonrhiamon
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    I am 31, and my second husband and I celebrated our third anniversary in September. My story is a lot more screwed up than most of yours, but I'll share it anyway.

    I married my first husband when I was 18 (Aug 1997). I was sure he was the man of my dreams. Big mistake. Two weeks in, he hit me in the back of the head with a telephone. I should have left right then, but I stuck it out for eight years. The abuse never got physical again, but there was plenty of verbal and emotional abuse. Over the years, I lost count of the number of holes in the walls or broken stuff.

    About 7 1/2 years in, I started an extra-marital affair with my now-DH. This isn't something that I'm proud of, but it's the truth. We'd been good friends for about five years at the time, and it didn't take long to realize that I was completely in love with him. I finally got up the courage to leave ex-H in Oct 2005, and the divorce was final in June 2006. DH and I moved in together in the meantime, and got engaged in Feb 2006. We initially planned a big to-do for Oct 2008, but we decided we didn't want to wait that long and eloped in Sept 2006, when I was 27.

    We've now been married just over three years, and they've been the happiest three years of my life. I know a lot of people would look down on me because of the way our relationship got started. I'm not proud of it, but I also know that my first marriage was dead two weeks after it started. It just took me eight years to realize it. When I started dating my DH, I knew within a couple of months that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Life has thrown us a lot of curveballs already (he has a lot of health problems), but we're still crazy about one another.

    Both of our families have been really supportive of our relationship, though they were a bit miffed when we ran off and got married without them. My mom treats him like he's her son -- right down to the nagging! And my little brother likes to pick on him as much as he picks on me ;). I've only met his mom once because she lives in Germany, but DH tells me that she gushed on and on about me after she spent a week with us in 2007, and that she's always asking about me when they talk. If we can afford it, we're planning to renew our vows on our fifth anniversary so that our family and friends can finally celebrate our love with us.
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