I'm 36 and getting married for the second time. My mother has been driving me crazy, though not through dictating most things. She just seems stuck in a time when second weddings (for the bride - she doesn't care that my fiance hasn't been married before) were small, discreet things.
I'm not having a huge wedding. We have 100 invites, and we expect a good deal of people from out of town to skip things, but we want to share our happiness with our friends and family, no matter where they live.
So, that's the crux of what she's done now - my mom insists that for her side of the family, I should only inviter her and my brother. My parents are divorced, and I'm planning on sending invites to my aunt and uncles, my close cousins, my step-siblings and at the request of my stepmom, her brothers and mother on my dad's side. The fiance is sending a similiar set to his family, and since his parents live in the same town, they even have three or four family friends to invite.
My mom threatened to not come if I invite my uncle, an uncle she sees every week at church, one that I grew up camping with him and his family. Of course, part of that might be that they've also been less than close after some arguments in the wake of my grandparents passing on. Sigh. She won't let me send an invite to my last great-aunt, who almost certainly wouldn't be able to come, because then she would "feel she had to send a gift and she gave you a gift last time".
My mom's attitudes have been apparant since the beginning of planning - she didn't sound excited at all when I told her on the phone, she was surprised I was buying a wedding dress, and the first thing that seemed to perk up her interest was shopping for her own dress.
To cap things off, she told me that she's sending me money. I imagine I really should just not cash it or send it back, but I really, really don't know what to do about the guest list. Everyone tells me to invite who I want, but I'm deeply concerned that she'll cause a scene, and even worrying about it isn't something I want to have to do on my wedding day.
Maybe I'm not even looking for advice, maybe I just needed to get it off my chest to other people who might have similiar issues.