His First and my second marriage! Whining please be nice

tricia619

I know because I am a mature, responsible person who should not be hurt over something so petty, because ultimately it is not about me, but am I the only second bride that is hurt that much of her family is declining attending her wedding. My FI and I pretty much sent out the same amount of invites for his family, and for mine. Everyone of his family has RSVP'd and accepted, and nearly half of my invites have declined either by RSVP or a phone call or email. I love that his family is being so supportive and so excited, but up until I got the RSVP from my parents I wasn't even sure they were going to show up. We had a small guest list to begin with, just 50 of our closest family and friends, 25 from each side, but then his family started to add guests, and so the number has reached a total of 78, we have 71 RSVP, verbal and written, 52 of those are FI family and friends, and I guess when I was doing the numbers today for the final count to send the vendors, I started to feel just a little bummed. Thanks for reading my rant. I just need to vent about it, and see how petty I am feeling right now.

melissamc2

I know it's easy to get that "why aren't they coming" feeling, but try to not to take it too personally, or be hurt by it.  Keep in mind that you're getting a lot of new family and this will give you a chance to get to know them better.  It's not always out of a lack of love that people can't make it.

If it makes you feel any better, this is my third marriage and this is how the family tally has gone for me:

1st marriage - NO family present.  It was a large formal wedding, all of my family was out of state, and no one made it in, including either of my parents.  I was 19 and went it alone with no issues.

2nd marriage - My Mother and Brother were present.  My Father lived 30 minutes away and didn't attend, even though we got along fine.  Others were the other end of the country and could not attend.  It was also a rather large event.

This one - Only my Mother will be present (well, and my children of course haha).  That's it.  I'm in another country now and it's just not feasible for the rest to make the trip. 


I just accept it as "that's life."  It's funny when I think about it, though, because none of the weddings have been heavy on family for either side.  For this one, of a guest list of 200, less than 25% are family members on either side and we anticipated our attendance to be more like 10% family and the rest friends.

Enjoy your day with those who do make it!  Congratulations.

Sloane99

Whining to us is allowed. My entire father's family, whom I always thought I was super close to, only ONE person even congratulated me on our marriage/engagement, ONE and everyone else knew about it but said nothing. Even when I posted the pictures and everything not a single congrats from them. It hurt to be honest, I thought they would be happy for me or at least acknowledge it. I wallowed in it for a bit and then decided that they're just not worth it.
 
I have a wonderful new family and my mother's side of the family went above and beyond and I was so happy they were there and offered support and love. It made me realize that sometimes that just because you're family doesn't always mean that they will be the people you need in your life.

MikesAngie

Whining is okay.  Remember to take a deep breath and enjoy your wedding day regardless of who does or doesn't show up.

Yes it hurts when family can't be there for whatever reason, but you extended the invitation and they know you wanted to see them there.

JZags

PP is right, they'll be the ones missing out and you'll have a chance to connect with the members of your new family. I'm sure that doesn't help right now though, so give yourself a day to wallow in your disappointed-ness and then vow to look past it and be excited. Don't let their not being there ruin the fun that leads up to the wedding but don't ignore your feelings either. Just give yourself a little bit to be sad and then remember that this is an exciting time and don't let them bring you down.

tricia619

Thanks everyone, I think the moment I posted the response I was feeling better. Putting it out there helped me to put things into perspective. All your advice and thoughts were so helpful. I am super excited with only 42 days to go, can't wait for 10-09-10, yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

tricia619

I sent them out about 2 weeks ago, but my mother and grandmother told me that is when I should do that, I was really thinking the end of August, but then the vendors needed final numbers by the first part of September, a month in advance. Since the wedding is not local to me, that is why I sent them out a little early so that people could make hotel arrangements as well. I am happy to say, I am only lacking a couple of RSVP's as of yesterday. We got one from his Aunt that had 14, that whole part of the family decided to just put one person in charge of responding, a bit waste of stamps, but at least it is done. Thanks again for your insight and wisdom.

wsfn

I have a question for you - did he get involved in the planning or was it pretty much up to you?  My boyfriend and I have briefly talked about it and I'm not a realy girly girl when it comes down to it, If I tell him to pick location and theme, I think it will be beachy and pretty small (10 people possibly).  I feel OK with this, but friends think I'm out of my mind.  What do you say?  My second, his first.

tricia619

My FI was very involved with the planning, a bit of a groomzilla, hehe, but no really he wanted in on all of it, which you can imagine took some patience since I am a control freak. I wanted his input though since he had never been married before. I have been married, but it is my first wedding first time was at the JOP.
Your wedding should be however you and your man want it. Does he want small, big, etc. I read in a PP that ask him what he definately wants to have and what he absolutely does not want, go from there. It isn't your friends wedding it is yours. Good luck and thanks for all the input guys, it was really comforting.

JeniBug82

I am afraid of this same thing happening to me! We have not sent out the invitations, but I feel like if I invite my large extended family they will probably not show up anyway. I am actually thinking of not inviting them...they did all come to my first wedding, and my mother is insistent they wont come now...Plus, we are only inviting 100 people, and just immediate family makes up 40 of them, meaning we each have 30 a piece left to invite...my extended family is about 40...I am torn! But...to respond to YOUR original question, I would feel the same way, and I think it's ok to feel a little something, but remember that they are missing out, like what the others said!