Second Weddings

how would you respond to this?

I got an email from a mutual friend of ours that read (in part)

"...I expressed to you that i thought you guys where rushing things like getting marryed and i saw where you stand about the wedding i know ppl that have received an invite for the occation but i dident recieve 1 so as far as i know we are no longer friends ."

now i have not sent out invites only save the dates and hers is in the stack beside my computer that havent gone out yet. As she states above she does not approve of our marriage and has told me before she does not wish to attend. Her daughter was going to be our flower girl then she said no so im very confused here all together.
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Re: how would you respond to this?

  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm not a big fan of arguing via e-mail, or worse yet, facebook.  Tone of voice is very important, and that's hard to project in electronic communications. If it were me, and I had a suspicion that there was some sort of misunderstanding, I would ask this person to meet me for coffee, in a very public place.  I would then ask her, in a very loving tone of voice, to explain her e-mail to me.  Something along the lines of this: "you know, Mary, I wanted to discuss your recent e-mail to me.  I want to ask for you support, but if I don't have it, that's OK, FI and I are planning our wedding.  I'm sorry if I hurt you by not sending out all the save the dates at the same time, but I promise I will follow the etiquette guidelines and send out all the invitations on the same day!"   And then smile, and put your hand on her hand, or arm, or whatever feels comfortable to you. 
    She may share that she's just concerned that you're rushing into it.  She may actually be concerned!  I do recall that there is some backstory here--are you one of those that we warned not to rush?  Sorry, I don't recall the details of your relationship(s). 

    You did, indeed make a small faux pas by not sending out all the Save the Dates at the same time.  Invitations are always sent out all at once, and given the misunderstandings that can occur (and that you now have a first hand account) save the dates should be too.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • edited December 2011
    handfast no i was not one of the ones that was warned here. Actually i have known fi since high school but we only officially dated for four months but we have had a two year engagement and dated a whole year before telling anyone. Her main issue was that i was not offcially divorced while we were dating. (divorce was in the works and had been seperated for over a year though). 

    I have a very hard time hearing her tell us its too soon though and feel like its spite because these are the same words i gave to her when she asked her exboyfriend to marry her after two days of dating.

    retread bride im not at all sure i will remain good friends with her but as she is the one who reintroduced fi and i  i felt i should invite her...
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  • edited December 2011
    i mean dated a whole year before telling anyone we were engaged
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  • I'm not really one to fight via email or text but, since she seems to be wound a bit tighter than most, I would probably just email her back and tell her that nvitations have not yet been sent and leave it at that.  After all, you do not need her blessing, permission, or approval to get married so there is no need to address her feelings about that issue. When you get ready to send invites you and decide to include her (or not) at that time.  

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