Desperate dress mess

giddybride701

Hi ladies,

I feel terrible even asking, but I know I'll just agonize over it until I do, so here goes...this is my second wedding, and his first.  He's really into things, and he wants an only-slightly-less-than-traditional wedding.  Here's the thing...he's seen the pictures from my previous wedding, and thinks I look like a princess in my dress.  He also found the preservation box it's in when we moved some of my stuff to a local storage unit (I didn't have the heart to get rid of it).  As crazy as it sounds, I think he might want me to wear it for our wedding.  Part of me wants to, because I bought the dress to get married in, for my forever, not to marry my ex in, and I want things to be perfect for my fiancee, and part of me thinks it's in incredibly bad taste to re-wear my own gown.  HELP!!  Should I find a new dress, find a way to alter the old one (assuming it even still fits), or just go with it?  I desperately need some guidance here!

Sue-n-Kevin

Well, congrats on finding the right guy this time!

Your predicament is a tough one. I'm on this board because it's my FI 3rd wedding, and we are older, so many of the issues of an "older bride" fit me. But, I myself have never been married.

Is there someone you can discuss this with who knows you really well other than your fiance? Your Mom, a best friend? I'd talk it through with them, pros and cons, and see how you feel before having the emotional discussion with your fiance. Their opinion is also important, because they were probably at your first wedding, and can add their input on how others might feel about seeing you get married in the same dress (even though it's your feelings that matter).

Sometimes "the One" (dress) is always the "the One", even if the groom does not end up being "the One".

If you end up wearing it, I would probably consider getting some alterations to make it look a bit different. If it made you look like a princess the first time, it's obviously a style and design that flatters you; I'm sure addition or subtraction of some details will keep it flattering, yet different enough so it's not the same dress.

Good luck. I'm sure other people have some better input.

handfast4me

I never found a dress that I had that "moment" with the second time.  And I never tried on any dresses the first time, I designed what I wanted, and took it to a local seamstress who created it. 

Anyway, you might want to go and try on a few dresses.  If you find you're returning to the style of your older dress, then you might want to use it, with a few alterations. 

You bought it the first time because it was beautiful on you--I'm sure it still is now.  I think, as women, we get to know our bodies pretty well, and most of us figure out what looks good on us.  Unless you've lost or gained a tremendous amount of weight, or had some plastic surgery, or something similar, I'll be the style is still the best for your body type.  However, is it still the best style for 2010?   You don't say what year you got married in, but the styles do change.  For example, one of he reasons why I had my dress designed for my first wedding was that in 1985, everyone was wearing those big puffy sleeves, and huge skirts and lots of gathers. That is so not what I wanted.  

Just a few thoughts.  So, try it on, look at some magazines, and try some new dresses on.  That should give you lots of information (or just make it more confusing! I like the PPs idea of asking a friend to talk this through with you, too.)

nmauser82

Its your dress and your decision. Personally, I gave my first dress to charity after the divorce, but if I still had it, I would not be wearing it this time. To me it has too much emotions attatched, too many memories. I am having a hard enough time separating the planning of this wedding, from the first. It seems like every turn and every decision I make, I try to do the opposite of what I did the first time. Wearing my first dress would just remind me of marrying my ex. I do not want to be thinking of him on my wedding day.

I say, its a new you, a new man, a new begining, get a new dress. But thats just me.

thealphabride

Hi Giddy!
I agree with the other posters it is your decision what dress to wear. However if your wedding was long ago, the dress may be out of style. 

Perhaps a new princess dress is for you!!! One that resembles a ballgown but is more updated. Then you have a gown he will like and it is just for him.

Do what makes your heart sing ....

c-dub

I agree with nmauser. I too am finding myself trying to do things completely differently this time than my first time around. Well not completely different b/c my style is still my style. But I don't want to repeat any of the songs or hymns or readings that I had at my first ceremony. I don't want to have the same flowers (gerberas) - even though I still love the look of a big gerbera bouquet, I would never do it again. Same goes for the dress.

Also, I am ever-so-slightly superstitious. I mean, I know logically that the dress had no bearing on why my first marriage fell apart. But a tiny part of me wants to be sure I don't have anything that would be bad luck.

So for me, the same dress would be a definite NO. But every person and every situation is different.

right1thistime

I am not into inanimate objects having some "karma".  However, I would not feel comfortable wearing the same dress again. (Besides the fact that the dress was from the 80's and would look ridiculous.)  I agree with the pps who suggested that you look for another dress that makes you feel fabulous.   You are a different woman than you were when you married previously.  If nothing appeals to you- pull the dress out of the preservation and try it on.  See if you still feel the way about it that you did during round one.  If you do- then alter it (add pickups, or a colored sash or a lace overlay---or take those off , for example) to make it different this time around.  Most of all - enjoy the process.  This is part of the fun of planning.  Agony should be left behind.  ~Donna

luckyme502

I would not wear the dress from my first wedding for my second wedding.  IMO that is a little creepy.  I would look for another dress, maybe something in a similar style, but definitely not the same dress!

Lisa50

I do not plan to wear the same dress.  It has been ages since my first wedding (1992) and I certainly don't want to see photos of me in it again (2011). Also, my tastes have changed and I'm sure will find something more stunning than the first time around. Just my $0.02.

Modern770

well.... I guess the decision is up to you but for me.. I would not want to bring old memories into my new life or my new relationship.. I would cut your losses and donate the first dress and get a fresh new one and start your new life together off fresh... and also Just becuase it's your second marriage it's the first time being with your fiancee.. besure to treat each other like today could be your last day

zoot

Giddybride I totally sympathize... for my first wedding I wore my mother's wedding dress - a lovely dress from 1968, which was also worn a few years later by my god-mother (mom's sister). I just about go into tears now thinking about how I "wasted" it on my ex-husband. It make matters worse, my mother was not able to attend my first wedding so she never saw me wear it.  

I have decided not to wear it, but then again unlike you I am quite sure that my fiance would NOT want me to wear it. It is pretty and suits my figure and it even suits the theme of my second wedding, so it's especially sad that way.

I am interested in the responses you are getting, but my mind will not change. I am tempted to buy something similar, though. Maybe you could consider that?

(this is my first post here, so I hope this helps!)

amvmom

I agree with pp. It's ultimately your decision, but IMO I would not wear my previous dress. Look for a new one that is just for "this day" not something that will give you memories of both days. Your life with the first is over and now its time to start fresh and new with your wonderful FH.

I have my old gown preserved, I am going to have christening gowns made for my children to use when they have their own kids.

Good luck to you. Just be happy with whatever decision you make. No regrets.

giddybride701

Thanks for all the help, ladies!

Zoot, I totally understand!  That was part of my confusion too...it fit the theme perfectly, and it kinda felt like the dress had been waiting for him in the first place.  So I thought about it, considered altering it, talked to the family and to him (I LOVE him for not caring one way or the other), and let myself get dragged out looking.  Well, the problem may have solved itself.  My mom and sister (MoH) took me dress shopping this weekend, just to look, and made me try a bunch of things on.  And I may have a new dress shortly.  I totally didn't expect it, but I think I've found THE dress, again.  It made an impression on everyone.  It's completely different from the old one, but it's actually a better reflection of who I am now as a person and a bride.  So cross your fingers, there may be a dress!