Catholic annulment/convalidation question

jeanne76

Hi everyone -- I'm new to these boards and also an encore bride. (I'm divorced.) My fiance is Catholic, I'm Protestant, but open to being married in the Catholic church. However, since I'm divorced, we're well aware that I would need to seek a Catholic annulment of my first marriage. I am more than willing to do this -- I see it as a gift I can give to my future hubby and a wonderful way to demonstrate how much I support him in his faith.

But here's the hitch... my fiance's priest has told us that the process can take as long as 15 months, and neither one of us is getting any younger. We were hoping to be married in mid-March of 2011 (we've known each other a very long time -- 13 years -- and are eager to start our lives together and start a family) but the annulment process would likely push our wedding back to at least the fall of 2011 since we won't be able to get started on the annulment paperwork until June of this year at the earliest. (In addition to everything else, we're having a bi-coastal engagement and we won't be able to meet with the priest together to begin the process until the next time I'm out there, which is early June.)

So here's what we were considering.... start the annulment process as planned, but get married as tentatively scheduled (in a civil ceremony of some sort) in March 2011, and then have our marriage convalidated by the Church once the annulment of my first marriage is granted. My fiance understands that by marrying outside the Church he wouldn't be able to receive the sacrament (at least temporarily) until we can have our marriage convalidated, and he's indicated that he's OK with that.

Has anyone done something similar to this or have any advice to share? Is what we're considering a terrible thing, or have we come up with a reasonable compromise? I'll state again that I'm 100% unopposed to the annulment and to having our marriage convalidated, and I would even be willing to wait until the annulment is granted before getting married (although that would not be my -- or his -- first choice.) We'd of course talk this option over with the priest as well as with my fiance's family -- the last thing I would want is to create a rift between my fiance and his family or between him and his priest, so if we have to wait we will wait. I was just curious if anyone else out there had any experience with this sort of thing and if so I would love to hear your insight!

Thanks so much!

right1thistime

I was raised and practiced as a Catholic up to the point that I got remarried.  I chose not to seek annulments for a number of reasons.  If your solution is comfortable to the two of you, and your priest will allow it- it seems like a reasonable solution. 

Here's one caveat for HIM to think about.  I truly thought I was fine with no longer being a full member of the parish.  I thought I could handle the exclusion from communion.  I have to tell you, it initially made me really sad, and then really angry/hurt.  I don't necessarily want to debate my experience, but rather, just offer it for him to consider how it will feel to sit out.  ~Donna

altec18

If you two marry outside the church and for whatever reason the annulment does not go through, your fiance will not be able to receive the sacrament until it does (and you are remarried in the church). I'm under the impression that the church is much more forthcoming with annulments than it was a few decades ago, but it might be a good idea to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

I imagine that you've checked about the whole "lack of form," option, but I'll mention it just in case.  If you were previously married but not married in a church (or by a minister), the Catholic church does not consider the prior marriage valid.  As such, you can apply for a dispensation from the church so you can be married in the Catholic church.  It's an easy process -- you fill out a form, pay $50, and it does not take long (a matter of a few months).

jeanne76

altec18, my understanding is that I couldn't obtain an annulment on the grounds of lack of form because neither my ex-husband nor I are Catholic. If one of us had been Catholic and we'd married outside the church, then lack of form would be a possibility, as I understand it, but since neither he nor I are Catholic I don't think it's applicable. We'll discuss it with the priest in any case.... I really appreciate the feedback I've received so far! Thanks again!

mswood1977

You are correct since neither you or your ex are Catholic you cannot receive a lack of form annulment. 

The other thing you must understand is that annulments are not guaranteed so there is the possibility of your FI never being able to take part in the sacraments again if he marries you in a civil ceremony.

My FI's annulment took about 9 months, but it varies from diocese to diocese. 

Can you not file in the diocese where you currently live now rather than waiting to file where you FI lives?  When my FI filed his annulment papers the priest told him there are 3 ways to determine where the annulment should be filed: 1. Is where the marriage took place, 2 is where the person filing lives and 3 is where the ex-spouse live.  So you may not be able to file where you FI lives anyway.

NJ Jen

This is exactly what we are doing. We are both Catholic. Fi's first marriage was not in the Church (long story), mine was. We are marrying civilly this summer - our priority is establishing things for our children in the best timing. Then I will begin our annulment.

kicey

I'm going through a very similar issue myself.  My fiance is Catholic, I'm not and have been previously married.  Most likely we are going to end up going to a JOP, and have the marriage blessed by the church later.  We've been trying to get it figured out for a while, but we just keep getting put off.  It's really getting frustrating. 

I wish you all the luck, and hope that things get figured out for you! 

M&Mf4me

We chose to wait to be married in the Church.   Two years later we are still waiting for an annulment for him.  We just got news today that his is nearing the final stages. It is still another 4 to 5 months before we get a final yeah or nea.  We still may face the possibility of a life without each other as a married couple, no matter what happens he will always be my best friend.  

This is a very difficult experience.  I am not getting any younger myself, and I must say that is one of the things that bugs me the about the situation.  The breakthrough today gave me a glimmer of hope. 

Each diocese is very different, the diocese north and south of me can take only 4 to 6 months, but my diocese clearly tells you to expect to wait 18 months to 2 years. 

I must agree with Right1this time, sitting out can be very painful.  I have a friend who has chosen to do this.  She is okay with it now, but at first it was very painful.

My best wishes are with you.

Shell