How do i tell my daughter's father i'm engaged?

kmoffett218

Hi Ladies, i'm new to the knot and am deed some advice if anyone has been in a similar situation.....So here goes, my ex husband and i separated in november of '09 divore was final in november of '10.  The split was my decision and was very hard for both of us but i think the best thing, we got married for all the wrong reasons and just weren't a good fit. We have a four year old daughter together and he is a very good daddy, sees her all the time, really a good guy.  Last summer my best guy friend of 12 years told me that he missed his chance once and wasn't going to do it again and we have been together ever since. He just proposed, and i am struggling about how to break the new to my ex because our relationship has been up and down, and has just recently gotten to a point of civility and i don't want to lose that progress. Sorry so lengthy, but any suggestions? I just don't want to hurt him or make things harder on anyone than they need to be.....

Marrin713

I guess you would just tell him, and since you have a minor child together, you have to tell him.  H and I got married last July and I'm sure xH knows all about it from my son. I didn't tell him myself because we have had virtually no contact for the last several years (our son is 29).

What do you think your ex will do/think when he finds out you are remarrying?

kmoffett218

Well i don't think he will do anything neccesarily, but i think he is going to be upset. i don't guess there is really anything i can do about that, its just something he is going to have to deal with personally. We haven't reall told anyone the news because i don't want him to hear it secondhand, but i cant put it off for long, nor do i really want to. i guess i'm just going to have to suck it up

MikesAngie

Because you have a young child together you need to tell him    I'm sure he will notice the extra jewelry soon as well. It's better to be up front about things and let him deal with it his way.  You definitely don't want your daughter to be used as a pawn though.

right1thistime

Hello, xH?  I want to tell you myself that Fi and I are engaged,    I wanted to be the one to tell you, because I don't want you to hear on the grapevine, I feel that I owe that to you.  Also, 4 y.o. will know soon enough, and I didn't want the news to surprise you if she brings it up to you.  Thanks for listening to me, take care, bye-bye.

lindaloulubbock

 I was very matter-of-fact about it.  "I wanted to let you know that FI got engaged.  I haven't told the children yet, and I didn't want you to hear it from them." I got a curt "Good Luck" and it wasn't mentioned ot me again.  He had a bit of an attitude for awhile, but that's to be expected.

mybooboos

Sounds like you've gotten some great advice here, so I won't add any more to it.

Best of luck...and welcome to the board!!

mightyoakes

Don't do it like I did and wait until he sees it on your FB status!

He'll be "upset" for a little bit, but in the end, you have your life to live and he has his...

kmoffett218

Thanks ladies, great advice hopefully all goes well!

2dBride

When I told mine, his response was, "We've been wondering whether you were going to do that soon!"

ahometowngirl

I told mine the very next day.  I felt like I at least owed it to him to not let him hear it through the "grapevine." 

He has been married two years and he came and told me so he could ask how to tell our daughter that his wife to be was pregnant.  I was thankful he did.